how to deal with 'challenging' clients

[starlite]

I agree absolutely for me the power of tarot is in a sitter leaving feeling enabled rather than disabled. Feeling they have options, the ability to make choices and control their lives is enabled. This-that will happen, it's in the cards, nothing you can do about it or you must do this-that, is disabling imo. Yeah sure if people rely on the cards to make the decisions for them they keep coming back for readings but the moral responsibilty for the mess that ensues is who's? I learnt this harsh lesson early on from witnessing the fall out, (long story - short) a friend of mine was told in a reading that there was another woman - there wasn't - but one reader's confidence that they were telling the truth and utter belief they were right ruined a marriage and left two little boys with a sadly different childhood. Once I became interested in the cards myself (many years later) I didn't read for anyone else but myself for a very long time.

irisa

thanks irisa. your friend's experience, unfortunately, is a perfect example of what i'm trying to say.

also, i had readings where i was told this/that was going to happen. i have called a few on this and asked for an explanation about why it didn't pan out and they weren't able to give me a reason other than an 'energy shift'.

a reader's responsibility, imo, is to admit that they can simply be wrong at times, that although they felt strongly about it, their interpretation could have been off. when readers can't admit to this possibility, is where there is a definite abuse of power and elitism. that's not okay with me.

 

[starlite]

Some people are not interested in learning, they are only after an answer as to which way to jump etc. People who see astrologers for instance are in no way interested in learning astrology, why should they be.

I do not class myself as a counselor, I am just a "fortune teller" and happy enough with my lowly status. Also, I give answers and not therapy, I answer practical questions as I do not have the time or inclination for querents to lie on a couch and tell me about their childhood. I like dealing in the "future". The past is gone and we know what happened , the present is with us but the future is out there, that's where I am always looking.

giving someone a definite answer is a demonstration of abuse of power, imo. and how people read varies, which i think everyone would agree with.

so, it's really up to the one seeking the reading to determine if the reader is the right person for them. if i'm looking for my fortune to be told, i'll keep the questions light and not take it seriously.

yeah, i wish someone could give me a definite answer to something, but i know personally that it's up to me to listen to the reader's perspective, analyze the situation myself, before i accept or deny something as definitive. just like going to a therapist. listen, take what you think works for you, and leave the rest. if a therapist told me to definitely do something, i'd walk out the door.

like irisa's example of how a reader was dead wrong, although they insisted on their rightness, it could severely alter a situation negatively. BUT, it is ultimately up the sitter on how they conduct their own life. no reader is making them do anything.

 

[OctoberGwen]

many people go to readings thinking that the reader has special powers. we don't. my point is to guide someone to look within themselves for the answers. the images on the cards can point them in that direction.

I agree with you 100%.

if you tell someone that something definitely will or won't happen, you are doing a disservice to them.

Plus, since noone is ever right all the time, Tarot and readers in general can be unfairly cast in a negative light when someone states unequivocally that something WILL or WILL NOT happen. Let's face it, it's 50/50 and there are literally millions of small things that can shift the outcome of any given situation.

Personally, it would make more sense to couch it in terms of "high probability if one stays the course one is currently on." And yes: the whole point is to offer the seeker insight so they may better their own life or find their own way again. IMO.

 

[willowfox]

No reader is making them do anything.

Exactly.


But why do you keep mentioning therapists as no one here claims to be one, as a therapist is in a different universe from a "fortune teller". I am not a therapist if that's what you are hinting at, I simply answer what I have been asked. Perhaps another name for fortune teller could be "future consultant". There are many astrologers and other types of readers who actually do advise "rich" people how to invest their money, "financial fortune tellers".

I'm sure no one will actually say that you must do "such and such", but if I were to see something "bad" I would certainly bring it to your attention as that's what trying to help a fellow human being in need is all about.

"Giving someone a definite answer is an abuse of power", well that's a very silly thing to say isn't it? When I shout to someone stop, because a car is coming down the road really fast, is that an abuse of power? We, I use the cards to see what lies ahead and if there is danger then heed the advice and do something else. So what power am I abusing as I like to give straightforward answers whenever possible.

The main trouble with "western" minds is that they like to over analyze things, pick a reading to pieces because they doubt themselves, they doubt the cards. Sometimes we do indeed need to listen.

 

[Netzach]

I think, actually, our viewpoints are closer than was at first apparent. I feel this is now more about semantics than about major differences of opinion.

 

[starlite]

my gripe with those who give 'definite' answers are for those readers who insist on their answers being right. if you want to express that you really think that this/that will definitely happen, then that is how you conduct your readings. i just don't agree with that approach, that's all. an example was already given by someone else about how damaging that can be. but, like i already said, ultimately, it's up to the sitter on how they take the info the reader gives them. it's their life and choices.

whether you call yourself a fortune teller or 'spiritual counselor' doesn't really matter. i find that most people go see a tarot reader or psychic because there is something pressing on their mind, they ARE seeking some sort of therapy. so, i feel that it is the responsibility of the reader to be sensitive to how they portray their 'predictions'. instead of saying 'well, this/that will or will not happen', use a word such as 'likely'. this one word makes of world of difference to someone hearing it.

there are too many readers i've been to who gave me solid predictions that never turned into anything. for people who are very vulnerable, this approach is damaging, IMO. and i also have an issue with readers who keep giving readings to those who come back frequently to ask the same questions over and over. i've been to a few whose policy is one reading every 3-6 months or so, which i think is healthy.

i agree with netzach, that this is more about semantics than intentions. i feel everyone on this thread does what they do to help people. i mean no disrespect.

 

[Aerin]

People insisting on being right...

reminds of getting a wrong-number phone call only to have the caller absolutely insist they called the right one and it is you that are out of order saying they didn't. (Yes I've had this.)

I think that querents and readers can sometimes do this because they are totally convinced of their own perspective. There's a difference IMO in being confident and refusing to admit one's own fallibility.

I am in the camp that doesn't believe it is useful to have predictive readings of the sort that foretell a completely fixed future or something about a third party.

Having read through the thread I think I am very close to what starlite is saying.

 

[Sar]

Are they too annoying i just give them back their money and show them the door.