How to help / learn about someone who doesn't want help

[gregory]

Tragically if he doesn't WANT help, you cannot make him accept it. This could also be part of why he may have to wait so long - he has been less than co-operative thus far.

But read around how you can help, is what I would do. Leaving aside the ethics of reading for him when he has expressly asked you not to - not least because if he ever found out you would lose his trust - I don't like health readings anyway. I think they are dangerous.

 

[MandMaud]

Tragically if he doesn't WANT help, you cannot make him accept it. This could also be part of why he may have to wait so long - he has been less than co-operative thus far.

But read around how you can help, is what I would do. Leaving aside the ethics of reading for him when he has expressly asked you not to - not least because if he ever found out you would lose his trust - I don't like health readings anyway. I think they are dangerous.

That's a good point about health readings. It's a way I hadn't thought of it. I don't mind using them for practice on something like timing (eg How long will this sprain keep bothering me?) but not in bigger ways. I have worked out that my wish is to know what I should do myself, at least that's one of my wishes, so that reading is for myself, and I can set aside the wish to ask things more specific to him.

I can also set aside my wish to take the cards by their pristine borders, shake them, and threaten them with slow creasing and even crumpling if they don't tell me the future RIGHT NOW and what to do about it.

He does want help when he's down, it's when each episode is over that he feels it's all gone for good and is offended by the 'interference'. I am really glad he finally has a real investigation coming up, and one that we know about and will be able to drive him to rather than taking his word that it's all in hand.

And yes, keeping his trust is the most important thing I can do (since I can't do anything that really makes it better). I'm the only one he will tell some kinds of things. The cost is that he knows it's in confidence - that's why I have warning that he feels down, when he won't tell the world - which is going to put me in an awkward situation one of these days, depending what he shares about his friends, but it's about more than what he thinks of me, it's about his wellbeing and health for his whole life AND about how long he survives so I will have to keep a lot of secrets (as long as no one's risking greater harm than he's in danger of, of course).

Thanx
mm

 

[Hanno]

Hi MandMaud

My heart goes to you and your son and I hope things improve soon.

Just a thought following up on the thread and upon reading in your last post "since I can't do anything that really makes it better": a suggestion of reading that could perhaps prove useful for you at the moment: "What can I do with respect to this situation to make me feel better/or to help me with it?"

So you are really reading about you here. Simply to ensure proper self care and self love , as it could be natural in such situation to center all your loving energies on your son. And who knows, such a reading could potentially provide multi lawyers or depths of understanding. Whatever you need to know, you will know, and it will come from a genuine intention to help you so no disrespect of your son's trust

 

[MandMaud]

Hi MandMaud

My heart goes to you and your son and I hope things improve soon.

Just a thought following up on the thread and upon reading in your last post "since I can't do anything that really makes it better": a suggestion of reading that could perhaps prove useful for you at the moment: "What can I do with respect to this situation to make me feel better/or to help me with it?"

So you are really reading about you here. Simply to ensure proper self care and self love , as it could be natural in such situation to center all your loving energies on your son. And who knows, such a reading could potentially provide multi lawyers or depths of understanding. Whatever you need to know, you will know, and it will come from a genuine intention to help you so no disrespect of your son's trust

I could have sworn I did a reply to this, Hanno, but obviously not, sorry.

Believe it or not this hadn't occurred to me. I have now done said reading and basically it was pace myself, remember congratulate myself, treat myself (eat well etc). Sounds like a no-brainer but I did the same regarding a different situation, and it was all 'Get going!', none of this 'Sit back' stuff about understanding my limits. I do get into a dilemma, seemingly with every question that comes up, between pushing harder or pushing less hard. So this has been very useful and thank you for thinking of it!

Crisis again this weekend, seems to be happening at shorter intervals, but things are 'between' (=calm) today and I hope at least the more stuff in his notes, the more seriously it will be taken. Actually everyone's taking it seriously now (I mean the professionals) and it's a case of how to make the rules the shape he needs them to be.

Thanx again everyone!
mm

 

[MandMaud]

Small update. We have lived through no less than four crises varying in size and seriousness, since I last posted. No word yet on how much longer on the waiting list...

On the other hand today is calm... and he has said he has no objection to being read for/about. Wot!! I'm not sure he even remembers saying no.

I'm playing with a relationship spread (working title the Unhealthy Loop) which I am going to post here this evening. I've tried it for the relationship between him and his father. Intending to try it for the relationship cycle he's in, the repeating pattern. Not today though! I got carried away because there was a breathing space in my life, and jumped into far too many forum threads...

mm

 

[janie144]

Oh MM I have just read through this thread and my heart goes out to you, as a mother myself I can only empathize with you, I genuinely hope your son gets the help he needs and you can get some peace of mind, you must be so tired, worrying about our children is so draining, I know.

However on the subject of reading for him, I have to say I agree with this

If this were my son, of course I would do a reading around him. It's not prying into his private life, it is a matter of life and death. To hell with all normal or usual sense of propriety, my personal ethical code takes me beyond that day to day stuff and requires of me that I do what is best for him even if that means calling the police about his crime or some other similar action. The tarot isn't going to tell you how many girlfriends he has, what his sexual preference are or his deepest, darkest secrets, it will indicate what is best for him and you because that is really what is on your mind.

I understand that it may feel unethical to some, and may not be the most popular opinion, but I am a mother, I am unethical, and stalkerish, and probably over protective, I would walk through fire for my kids, and they know it, if they don't understand it today perhaps they will once they have kids of their own.

I wish you and your son all the best, and hope that you may both find some peace soon.

 

[MandMaud]

I would walk through fire for my kids, and they know it, if they don't understand it today perhaps they will once they have kids of their own.

Yes don't we!!

I wish you and your son all the best, and hope that you may both find some peace soon.

Thank you!
I am learning-learning-learning... that is better than sitting here NOT learning...
mm