My issues with 2 Cups as a Soulmate card

[SirRushing]

I know a lot of people who want to believe in love want to see 2 cups as some wonderful thing, or maybe Lovers, too in regards to soulmates and asking tarot if "such and so and so" is your soulmate.

If you see this, you need be wary. I got this card in the beginning of this year, concerning my ex-boyfriend for the "are we soulmates" question. We were having so many problems in our relationship that was not good at all.When I saw this card, I thought "Okay, we have tons of issues, but this card means that we love each other very much. And that we were perfect for each other."

After he has done some manipulating, controlling and deceitful things to me last month which made me realize that I can't take being in a relationship with him anymore, I just realized what this card meant.

Seeing a 2 Cups does not mean you are perfect for each other in a positive way. Now if you two get along and have a wonderful relationship, then 2 cups means that you two were made for each other. However if you are in an abusive, negative, stressful relationship where one partner is controlling and dominating and the other is passive and keeps forgiving their partner's behavior when they shouldn't be doing that....then they are perfect for each other, too.

That why when you see abusive relationships and you think, "Why is she staying with him. He is so mean and cruel to her?" It is because there is something in that persons personality that needs, or feels they deserve to be abused even when they say that they hate it. People lie to other people and to themselves all the time and play like they are in denial of their bad situation.

Only abusive people date someone who is a stupid doormat. Only stupid doormats keep attracting abusive people. Plain and simple. Therefore, they are perfect Soulmates for each other. Therefore, you might see a 2 Cups with these people.

Masochists needs a Sadists. A sadist needs a masochist.

And yes, I considered myself a doormat, I kept tolerating my ex-boyfriend's behavior, because I was "In love" and I was hoping the more I tried to tell him to act and do better he would see his ways and change. Well, he didn't. Our relationship became a game of he would do something disrespectful, I would mention it, he would say either "You are being too sensitive and is imagining things" or he would say he was sorry, but did it again.

Soulmates doesn't mean they are the perfect nice person for you. It just means they are the perfect person for your personality and your level self-esteem and self-respect you have for yourself. And seeing a 2 Cups will reflect that.

Therefore be careful, when doing relationship readings when seeing a 2 Cups. It is all about likes attracting likes, or opposites attracting each other for better....or for worst.

 

[BeTo1984]

Really? I never saw the 2 of Cups as a soulmate card; I always saw it as a lighter version of the Lovers card (which I thought was more fitting for soulmates, but of course that also depends on the cards around it). To me, the 2 of Cups symbolized a passionate, romantic connection.

In a reading I got a few years ago, this card showed up as well as a bunch of other Cups cards concerning an ex and his new girlfriend. However, based on its relationship with the other cards, it didn't indicate that they were soulmates; in fact, it was a very superficial relationship, even though nearly all the cards were "positive" about their relationship.

 

[SirRushing]

when I did the tarot spread and got the 2 cups, the romance and passion had long died several months prior. That was perplexing me about the 2 cups. I guess it was saying as long as he was willing to be in the relationship with me and I agreed to go along with it, then we were perfect for each other. Even though the relationship itself was as romantic as a gas chamber in a Nazi concentration camp.

If you are able to tolerate misery as much as the other person likes dishing it out, then guess what? I guess you two are soulmates after all.

And the card were right, he and I had low self-esteem issues. I dated him, because I was lonely and I thought his bad boy behavior would add some excitement in my life. His assholeness is due to the fact that he was very insecure and had low self-esteem, but he tried to had that fact by showing off how powerful he is in controlling people and getting them to do what he wanted.

We both had issues but it manifested in different ways as mine was passivity and his was aggressivity. What a perfect match! However, the bottom line is that we were both insecure.

Only insecure people attract insecure people. Confident people attract confident people.

If you want a "soulmate" relationship were two people have high standards and refuse to play games, or manipulate and control each other, then you have to be the type of person yourself that you want to attract. If you are in a bad relationship, you had 50% of the responsibility of helping to create that bad relationship by participating in it. If you refuse to participate then other person will not be interested, because they can't get what they want when they have a person who doesn't accept bullshit. Therefore, they will move to someone else who will take their bad behavior, since they are hell bent on not changing to become a better person. They will move on to find their perfect soulmate. Their perfect 2 Cups.

 

[Amanda]

I agree with you for the most part.

The 2 of Cups is about reflection, as you say "like attracts like" and those seem to be the people we need in our lives to learn to grow within ourselves. But it goes opposite as well, if one is in an emotionally stable place... they could attract someone else who is in an emotionally stable place, and then the card does become a love relationship card.

What is a soulmate really? Are you sure that it's someone we are 'destined' to be with, or just someone who falls into that emotional cycle with us who is on the same emotional wavelength for good or ill?

This is why I have issues with the idea of a 'soulmate'. If one believes in a soulmate, then it can be assumed that the person has a higher faith in 'something else beyond' yes? Why would that 'something else beyond' dictate that we must only love one person for all of eternity? Seems a little conditional if you ask me... which is what Love, in the purest sense of the word, is not about in my opinion.

 

[Amanda]

when I did the tarot spread and got the 2 cups, the romance and passion had long died several months prior. That was perplexing me about the 2 cups. I guess it was saying as long as he was willing to be in the relationship with me and I agreed to go along with it, then we were perfect for each other. Even though the relationship itself was as romantic as a gas chamber in a Nazi concentration camp.

If you are able to tolerate misery as much as the other person likes dishing it out, then guess what? I guess you two are soulmates after all.

And the card were right, he and I had low self-esteem issues. I dated him, because I was lonely and I thought his bad boy behavior would add some excitement in my life. His assholeness is due to the fact that he was very insecure and had low self-esteem, but he tried to had that fact by showing off how powerful he is in controlling people and getting them to do what he wanted.

We both had issues but it manifested in different ways as mine was passivity and his was aggressivity. What a perfect match! However, the bottom line is that we were both insecure.

Only insecure people attract insecure people. Confident people attract confident people.

If you want a "soulmate" relationship were two people have high standards and refuse to play games, or manipulate and control each other, then you have to be the type of person yourself that you want to attract. If you are in a bad relationship, you had 50% of the responsibility of helping to create that bad relationship by participating in it. If you refuse to participate then other person will not be interested, because they can't get what they want when they have a person who doesn't accept bullshit. Therefore, they will move to someone else who will take their bad behavior, since they are hell bent on not changing to become a better person. They will move on to find their perfect soulmate. Their perfect 2 Cups.

There we go!

You know the passive people are really the ones with the power though, right? Action through non-action type of thing.

 

[starrystarrynight]

These are some good points, SirRushing. But I don't think anyone should look at the Two of Cups as a "soulmate" card (for every reading), anyway. Not to say it can't be, but it isn't always that, and those who look at it only that way may end up discovering things like you discovered about labelling any card anything all the time. You know?

That's why I like to look at the numbers game and incorporate that into the reading of a card. If you think about it, the Two of Cups is very low numerically...coming after the Ace, which brings the potential of an emotional relationship of some kind, the Two may only say that once two people are ready for an emotional relationship of some kind, and they are attracted to one another, they connect via the Two. The Two of Cups is sometimes referred to as "Initial Attraction," and it also comes up for friendships and creative partnerships...so, nowhere does it say that it has to be a soulmate-type of relationship (that I've ever found.) Therefore, if it didn't work for you in your relationship that way, I still think it's valid that it came up--it was a symbiotic relationship, even though that symbiosis turned out to be a negative one in your case.

But I think it generally comes with the need to develop in whatever way it is going to develop--there is most often work needed so that the emotions indicated can climb the ladder of the pips (from the two to the three to the four to the five, etc.)

Plus, there is that whole thing about looking at the whole gamut of "meanings" for any one card...Reversed or ill-dignified, the Two of Cups can signify unrequited love, a bad relationship, a break-up, rejection, pain, disillusionment, etc. etc. So, there is that to consider, as well...

 

[SirRushing]

I agree with you for the most part.

The 2 of Cups is about reflection, as you say "like attracts like" and those seem to be the people we need in our lives to learn to grow within ourselves. But it goes opposite as well, if one is in an emotionally stable place... they could attract someone else who is in an emotionally stable place, and then the card does become a love relationship card.

What is a soulmate really? Are you sure that it's someone we are 'destined' to be with, or just someone who falls into that emotional cycle with us who is on the same emotional wavelength for good or ill?

This is why I have issues with the idea of a 'soulmate'. If one believes in a soulmate, then it can be assumed that the person has a higher faith in 'something else beyond' yes? Why would that 'something else beyond' dictate that we must only love one person for all of eternity? Seems a little conditional if you ask me... which is what Love, in the purest sense of the word, is not about in my opinion.

I agree the soulmate concept in general, and getting the Lovers and 2 Cups are all about being on the same emotional wavelength...for good or ill.

Having your soulmate, or seeing a Lovers or 2 Cups doesn't mean that you are in a blessed relationship.

I think it is our responsibility as tarot readers to question our querant, or remind them that 2 Cups, Lovers, in regards to the soulmate issue, is only a reflection of both parties mental attitudes for better or for worst. And that they should not stop analyzing their relationship and analyzing themselves to see if the 2 cups or lovers is still all that.

For instance, when I met my ex-boyfriend, the relationship was wonderful. I found his bad boy ways to be very masculine and protective. I felt like no one can ever do me wrong, because I know have this aggressive man in my life to maybe kick their ass. I had a warrior and I was happy. And his masculinity made me fee extremely femininine, because until I met him, I had to be my own man, sort of speak. I had to defend and protect myself. Now I have a strong man to do that for me.

And when he met me, he probably felt safe and secure with me to where he felt that he didn't need to fight. I didn't want to fight, I wanted to get along. So it was refreshing for him to have an agreeable feminine woman where he can feel safe to let his guard down. And not be that warrior man all the time.

Our relationship was beautiful in the beginning. But the real fact is, we had our own insecurities that we did not matured from our childhood dealing with our families, which makes us "US" for better or for worst. The fact was he wanted me to be passive to him 100% all the damn time. He would become jealous. In the beginning I took it as flattery as an insecure person would, if they feel pride or complemented that jealousy is a sign of love. So I allowed him to do crazy stuff, because "Oh, that is him just showing how much he loves me." But after awhile, if you are normal or is seeking normalcy, you get tired of your partner acting like they are your father. Or if you are a man, your mother and you are always in a child position that do not have a right to make their own decisions in life without someone else's approval.

When he realized that I wanted to exert some control over my life and I thought some of his actions were disrespectful and hurtful to me, that is when things went down hill, because now I was questioning his authority and who was I to question his authority!!!

So how does 2 cups in the beginning of a relationship turn so disaster? Because like the soulmate idea, you two may be on the same wavelength...for a short period of time.

 

[starrystarrynight]

So how does 2 cups in the beginning of a relationship turn so disaster? Because like the soulmate idea, you two may be on the same wavelength...for a short period of time.

Well, as you said above: when you two met and things were great, you were a much different person who craved what he was dishing out. And then, the relationship was a good Two of Cups energy/symbiosis in your eyes and heart. Once you began to grow in a different direction and become more confident within yourself, either the Two of Cups stopped showing up for you or it showed up bringing its more reversed or negative energies. Did you journal any of those earlier readings? It might help to look back and see what the surrounding cards were and how all the cards in the spreads evolved over time. You may just have associated the Two of Cups with romantic bliss because in the beginning it read that way for you...but as things changed, so (likely) did the overall spreads change, and maybe you just didn't allow that Two of Cups to change and/or grow with them.

 

[Jaqueline]

I don't have much to add, except to say I appreciate the food for thought everyone has provided - and - SR, thanks for starting this conversation. I think i need to ponder this.

 

[Mellifluous]

Well, I don't see it as a 'soul mates' thing anyway, but people do usually see 2 of cups (or Lovers) as a great card and you're right, the actual relationship can be hellish. It's possible it just shows a strong emotional bond. (As in, he was your boyfriend. That's the fact. Doesn't mean he was a good boyfriend though.)

I'd encourage you not to take quite such a harsh view of yourself and other abuse survivors either. If you think if you're just the perfect level of confident or aggressive or whatever, that you won't ever attract a problematic person again, you're setting yourself up for another huge disillusioning lesson. They are everywhere and relationships and life are more complex than that. You have to sort of be on your toes at all times, and be willing to draw the line when you see things are not good. It's tremendously hard when you care about a person and would like to work things out if possible instead. No need to convince yourself you're some sort of passive, weak loser who attracted what they deserved or needed at this time. That's not going to help your self-confidence in the long run. Abusers are responsible for what they do, and people dealing with them do the best they can as quickly or slowly as they (as individuals) can.

I'm sure you're very angry and you have every right to be. I've been there myself before. Sorry you went through it, too. Seeing it now for what it was doesn't mean either that you'll attract the same type again OR that you never will again. Just that if you do, you'll be even less inclined to take any crap because it'll be apparent that it's crap even sooner. Hopefully, you'll be able to extricate yourself sooner, but again from experience, if you're in fight (not-passive-this-time) mode and they want to fight instead of hitting the road right away, you may be surprised to look up and find yourself again in a weird, screwy relationship with someone you 'shouldn't' even stay in contact with at all. Life's messy.

Love and light and light and light to you.