The reading Event

[tmgrl2]

Helvetica...

What a beautiful, personal, sensitive, wise post!

I was going to quote parts...but the whole post was so touching....

Thank you for sharing of yourself.

I am so on the same page with much of what you have to say....I, too, over the years, have so often dealt with patients who are never going to get better physically or gain or regain cognition or language.

While I know certain things are not likely to change, it becomes about hope and about healing of the spirit and acceptance (not resignation) ....

I think you and I touched on this in another thread..about how some "physical" issues will never go away, but that hope and healing are of the spirit and of progress.

I also identified with what you said about needing to "shield" ourselves. Over the years, working with my populations has become pure joy for me and, when people say to me..."I don't know how you can do that day after day," I really don't even know what they are talking about because I don't see the "disability" or the child throwing him/herself on the floor screaming and tantruming or even attacking me. I deal with it and the next day I start all over again with the same child in a loving fashion....

Many of these children have grown up and, to some degree, out of some of the problems...many will have to deal with life-long juggling of multiple medications...

Occasionally, when I least expect it, someone "gets to me."

Years ago, when I first started, I had a woman in a nursing home who had had a stroke that, as it turned out, after my evaluation, had affected her motor functioning but did not affect her language or cognition at all.

She was paralyzed on one side, her face drooping, drooling, no speech, wandering eye contact. The nurses were discussing her in front of her...about how she dropped books and wailed to have them picked up and didn't stop till the book was where she could see the words.
One of the books was Le Petit Prince in French.

I evaluated her (this was before functional MRI's) and found out that she had absolutely intact receptive language, that the damange was purely motor...she could
write with her non-dominant functioning left hand...slowly but in complete sentences...when she was lying flat in the bed, she could produce an audible and intelligible whisper.

Anyhow, I joked with her about being Scotch...and she wrote (it took her about 5 minutes to write this sentence)

"Scotch is booze, my dear. I am a Scot."

I then said..."Tell me everything you need right now to make you more comfortable."

So, she wrote she wanted to eat in her bedroom (she was very fastidious) so that people wouldn't see the food drooling out of her mouth in the dining room.

She needed her books where she could read them, a pad to write on by her bedside at all times...and then wanted to know if she was ever going to return physically to the way she was before the stroke.

I called for an immediate staff meeting, got all of the things done we could, let the staff know that she understood everything they were saying in front of her.
They didn't mean ill, because usually, with the the severity of paralysis she had, there would be aphasia...or language breakdown receptively.

Then, began the slow and painstaking process of beginning the journey to find a different kind of life for this woman and for her family, hopefully, one that would bring them gratitude that she was still alive and one that would have some joy and spirit and love in it.

I went home that night and was haunted by the idea of this woman's mind functioning inside a shell and of her having had no way to reach anyone for the weeks since her stroke. I could see someone slowly going insane...of course, I saw that as my worst nightmare.

I was young and new to my profession. I think I was about 32 years old then.

Now at 62, I take much of what I have done over the years, and find that the same principles apply when I sit down with a querent.

I don't think anyone ever got to me quite as much as that lovely woman, but I will always remember because of it, that we need to listen very carefully and look beyond the outer person.

I now believe that it was no accident that I had this encounter early in my career.

terri

 

[Sophie]

Oh, what an enriching encounter, Terri! You must be right, it was no accident that you met her when you most needed her.

Have you read "Le Scaphandre et le Papillon" by Jean-Dominique Bauby? (in English I think it's called The Diving-Bell and the Butterfly) - he was a journalist who became totally paralysed, and lost his speech, but not his speech receptivity, because his brain-stem stopped functionning. He wrote this book after establishing a language with his various visitors by means of his left eyelid. It's a powerful testimony of love and - well, just being! Your lady reminded me of the book.

Indeed, we must look beyond what we see. A prisoner, a paralysed woman, a child with a tantrum. A wide-eyed querent, who might be a housewife or a bank manager, but has a whole rich secret inner life, in any case. Find the edge, find the right language. A gardener? use plant similes, and the Marseille deck. An amateur actor? draw out the drama.

So many different people! No wonder each reading is different, each is a walk into an unknown wood.

 

[tmgrl2]

I have been told of that book several times, Helvetica...time to get it!

Yes, this woman was brain stem damage primarily as well...

I just finished a reading in my home office....

Again...an event...we had the paper out for the notes...but we needed the tissues about five minutes in...they were tears of release, though...and the event was...

good, I believe....as she left, she told me...

"I feel positive...I feel as though I'm going to come through all of this...and now I know that there are some things I need to do that I have let go in the middle of all this change..."

So....we do what we do...we give and our cup in never empty.

Thank you for the reminder again about that book. I am going to check it out from the library...

Edited to add: I just ordered it from our library on ILL.

terri

 

[Aoife]

Helvetica, I do apologise!
I wrote my replies offline and in the process of cut & pasting in the start of my post and my reply to you got cut off.
And now I can't remember what it was I said.... arghhh... I'm so sorry!

 

[Sophie]

Don't worry Aoife - I have enjoyed this thread so much, you have no idea! I have learnt a lot, too, from you and others. As my Mum says, if it's important it'll come back (and if you're not too tired you'll write it again, and if you are, then sweet dreams ).

 

[Nevada]

Just want you to know, Aoife, that although I don't have more to share on this topic (I don't read that much for other people, except here in the exchange), I am enjoying this thread and the sharing.

I applaud your approach to reading. Thanks for elaborating on querents who don't want the interaction.

Nevada

 

[tmgrl2]

I did a reading today in my home office.

I had a sitter that didn't interact much...at first.

Funny we have been discussing this.

She did start crying early in the reading...I handed her the tissues and told to go right ahead. She told me she wasn't upset, that she was crying because I was so right on and that she had bottled all of this up...

Then, despite the notepad and pencil in her lap, she listened to all I had to say...she answered a few questions.

I saw the King of Swords and asked if there was someone in her life that was quite wise and stable, someone she trusted ...that she could talk to...

So, as the "event" went on, she began to respond and even gave some comments on what she saw in a couple of the cards when I asked her what she saw or thought when she looked at a particular card.

BTW, she picked the RWS deck...not my beloved Tarot de Marseille...which was fine.

At the end, she gave me a huge hug and told me that she was feeling

hopeful

positive

She felt that there were things she needed to change immediately...like she stopped doing all of the things that were her "social outlet" because of events re family and job that were placing demands on her and that she has been analyzing everything to death.

There were three swords in the first five card drawn...

I used my own spread...four of swords and shield of love...and I pulled four clarifiers after I covered the four cards...and saved the Shield of Love for last...since it was

The Empress.

It was clearly another "event." No one stepped in and said,
"Say...ya know...I don't think those cards mean quite what you are saying they do...Maybe all those swords mean..."

I went into the reading as I always do, without any preconceived ideas of what we would do...I don't even decide on the spread until the sitter and I are ready to start....

terri

 

[Moongold]

Further thoughts ...

Greetings again Aoife ~

I am addressing this to you because your thoughts form the basis of the thread but others are also welcome to comment of course.

I wondered why I felt slightly irritated when I read your post initially. I do have a great deal of respect for you and the expressions at the end of my earlier post are genuine. My irritation was due to a number of factors, some of which were external to Aeclectic and don’t really matter now.

Let me deal with the things that are connected with your thread which raised my somewhat fragile hackles yesterday. My comment that we have covered these things before stands but I acknowledge that we need to do this on a regular basis because the old threads get lost, we need to refresh ourselves and there are new people.

Some of my irritation was at Umbrae whom I also respect a great deal. However I don’t agree with him all the time. I quoted Umbrae in the Marshay thread in chat and won’t do so again. Sometimes I think concerns can be better phrased than in unspecified, blanket statements. These are not helpful and often create feelings of unease which bubble along and surface elsewhere. Or they can make newcomers or the insecure even more uncertain. I know I can like or lump it and I will deal with it in my own way.

I think one of the most important things you said yesterday is this:

The reading Event, I believe, should be an interactive process... a subtle balance of power.... with the aim of self empowerment.

Umbrae also said this:

Somebody walks in for a reading – you are now part of a Two.

The event – the reading (The Three) is not possible without Two – a reading occurs only when the subject and object (sitter and sittee) recognize each other…an event occurs.

On 3 August 2003], in a thread on intuition I said this:

When I sit down for face to face readings with anyone but my partner, I can get them to almost do the reading themselves. And I can quickly synthesize this information, add something from my own knowledge of the cards, and offer a very credible and articulate “reading” back to them.

People respond to someone who is interested in them, and they are vulnerable. They can walk away from me convinced they have had a very good reading, a psychic experience, when they have not. They have simply had an interaction with someone who may care about them and has empathy and good interpersonal and communication skills and who now knows a little bit about the tarot. Sometimes I have been tempted to take a huge risk and bring an edge to my reading that may not be usual. Perhaps those inclinations, if I followed them, would make me genuinely psychic? If they were correct that is

Here is the reference for this post for those who are interested: http://www.tarotforum.net/showthread.php?t=16428&highlight=Intuition

I added the italics today but my point is that the engagement with the person is often the key thing – it is often more important to the Querent than the material in the reading itself.

The style of engagement is critical. I suspect that people often come to Tarot readers because they are in distress. If you show empathy and respect often that is more healing than the words themselves.

Often it may be hard to know what is the most important thing – the manner of the reading or the content. Some people may simply want to be spoken at . Some people respond to sales talk. Readers like Mojo are straight down the line sometimes almost scathing readers but they are very accurate too. Something from Mojo is like a cool shower on a hot day . I needed one yesterday

Moving right along, is there nothing more to the event than the connection between Reader and Querent? How often does it happen that there is a parallel process between style and content. How do we really know this anyway?

Aoife, I think your charter lays the ground work for good engagement and empowerment of the Querent. To be honest I have not seen you read very much on-line so I have no real idea what kind of a reader you are but I appreciate the questions you raise.

One last thing:

The best measure of success is when the Querent feels they’ve accessed their own inner wisdom, drawing to conscious thought transferable ideas and strategies.

How do you personally know when this has genuinely occurred? These are the same criteria for success with therapy but also with good professional supervision in any occupation. Often we just don't know what has worked or why. For some it is simply the personal relationship, time or respect given - the wonderful aspects of engagement. This is all part of the magic and the mystery, but sometimes I feel a little uneasy at not being able to measure it more. The best measurement is follow up over a period of time and who does that? I have recently been delighted to have unsolicited feedback from three people months after the original readings. This doesn't happen very often unfortunately. It is encouraging when it does, though.

 

[Moongold]

I have just returned from a lovely late night walk around Richmond, thinking about some of the things I mentioned this afternoon. It is a beautiful balmy night here. The street near where I live is full of Greek restaurants and the music as I walked by was exquisite - not too loud for a change - until I got to the pub on the corner where jazz echoed very loudly indeed. Up the hill to another world of quiet churches, their steeples glowing in the soft light of the street lamps. Two worlds within half a kilometre - so close and yet so different. That's similar to discussions on Aeclectic sometimes. We all love tarot but are sometimes so far away from mutual understanding that we might all be speaking another language altogether.

And that is just it. There are so many different approaches to Tarot. Many different understandings, types of reading, styles of reading. There are people who are learning to listen as well as to read. There are people giving voice for the first time to understanding that has been searching for expression for years. There are people who are Tarot performers but excellent readers at the same time.

Everyone does things differently, sometimes indeed for various clients in the one day. What is the important commonality? There simply may not be many commonalities once a person reaches a certain level of confidence.

Except for those of engagement and authenticity in whatever approach the reader chooses to use. The reader is the artist after alll. The reader is the Conductor or the conduit, initially anyway.. That us why the Querent seaks him out. A Reader without some kind of authority will not inspire confidence.

 

[lilangel09]

I don't remember what I was searching for and how I even ended up here (I really don't), but I thought this thread deserved a bump. It was certainly a thought-provoking read, and I'd recommend it to all. Although we didn't get an outline of

There is a lot of stuff going on here on AT by ‘experts’ that is dangerous, and stupid…egocentric crap…

that Dark Inquisitor requested, there was a lot of wisdom shared about the process, Tarot reading, the event...