the spitit guide blues

[cayacia]

So...I've been feeling not so hot for a few months now and not really knowing what it is. Partially it has to do with the many dissapointments life has been throwing at me lately, but I know what the cause of it is now and I am wondering if anyone else has had to experience this and if they have they would like to share.

I am finnally getting my wish, my spirit guides are trying to contact me now. I was informed of this as of yesterday by the ever mentioned Joshua, my teacher/friend. He realized what was happening to me not to long ago (i think like the day before) why I had been acting so erratic and why I have been so depressed. I get depressed for absolutely no reason-nothing will set me off-and start crying sometimes. It's disturbing when you don't know why you're upset.

He has explained to be before that this is what happened to him when his guides started to contact him. I'm feeling it pysically, he says, because they're booring through that other realm into my brain As excited I am that this is finnally happening to me, I'm really scared. Josh has been trying to reassure me that everything will be fine, but he has also said that it could take a few years to complete. I'm not sure if I can hold out through all this hell-and I can't go back.

Josh can't give me any answers, either, because I have to do this on my own. They won't let him give me any answers...he tried to identify the sexes of them and he couldn't tell them apart. I have to do it all on my own or I'll end up doing it again in the next life.

So...based upon what I've been going through up until this point, seeing that I woke up at 5 AM and couldn't get back to sleep because I was crying with frustration and downright unhappines, I'm a bit weary of what is to come. On a light note, I gave to people readings today at school and they both went VERY well. At least one good thing has come out of this so far.

Can anyone relate? I'm not joking, I really am scared even though I know I shouldn't be. I'm sure it's not helping the process either. *wimper*

With much love and light,

 

[joya250]

Hi Cayacia.

First, big hug to you.

I'm sorry you are not feeling so good. But, don't worry, you are not alone... check out the post in the Astrology Section... think it's called "something dark looming" or something like that. It seems others have be experiencing the same symptoms.

Second, wow. I have never heard of such a process that you mentioned. Spirit guides "boreing" into your brain? hmmm. Now, I may not be one to talk, since I have not been able to successfully contact my guides... but this seems a bit odd. I was under the impression, that when you are ready, when your physical body can sustain higher levels of energetic vibration (or something like that).... then you would have greater ease connecting with your spirit guides and the subtle realms. This is a process that happens naturally... and not until you are ready. ??? .... I am curious what others have to say about this.

- joya

 

[cayacia]

Thanks for the hug. I need lots of hugs. ;p

^_^ Joya, I posted that thread. I made a typo when I did the subject to so it says somethink dark looming ^_^ I'm a dork.

I don't think that this is unnatural...well I guess that depends on your view of what's natural, ;D but i think it's a matter of being able to let the connection happen. And it's easier said than done. I might sound like I know what I'm doing, but I don't. So...I don't know what to do to help the process along.

cayacia

 

[Scorpion]

Hi, Cayacia!

Just wanted to echo Joya250's thoughts on this. I, too, am not convinced that what you are describing .is how your guides contact you. It is my understanding that your guides are there to watch over you and I can't see why they would do anything that would upset you so much. Like Joya250, I believe that they contact you when YOU are ready, not the other way round. I know some people go through life not even knowing they have guides. However, you're obviously aware that you do - but I've never heard of them knocking insistently and frightening their "ward", let alone trying to bore into your brain. I can't say I've ever seen mine - except possibly in dreams - but I know they're there and often I get a very strong feeling almost as if someone's talking to me. It normally happens if there's danger - for instance, something told me I had to brake extremely hard as I rounded an innocuous bend coming down a hill: I didn't know why until two boys who were fighting spun from one side of the road to the other and I managed to come to a halt with my bonnet about 6 inches from them. That's the sort of care and concern my guides show (and possibly those boys' guides had a say too!).

I'm sure working with your guides is an absolutely wonderful gift and Josh may be right, but I think there has to be an easier way to make contact. If he is right and you don't particularly want it to happen right now or don't like the way it's happening, you should be able to tell them to back off and let you do it in your own time. As I understand it, your guides have to do as you ask.

Is there anybody else you can talk to about this?

 

[cayacia]

Hm....maybe I'm not being clear on what is happening. They're too far away for me to talk to them, hear them, see them...etc. so they are trying to get closer so it can happen. I've had dreams about them before, but they are trying to get closer so that I can hear them and have converstaions with them more often than once a night (more like once a month if I'm lucky-and I usually know it happened but I don't remember it). I do want this. I want to be able to hear them so that they can give me advice when they need to.

I guess it's not so much that I don't want it to happen, I really really really do, but I have second thoughts about it because it freaks me out. Right now it's a matter of getting by my own fears, which I'm finding difficult.

Oh, thanks guys it's so good to be able to externalize this it's helping me realize a lot of things. ;p

 

[truthsayer]

cayacia, i don't know if my experience of the first time my guides contacted me is like what you are saying but i'll share. i did a shamanic journey w/ a friend. in other words, she beat a drum and served as a guide in some places but mostly i was on my own. when i experienced my guides the feeling was so estactic and one of such incredible unconditional love!!!!!!!!!!! i never wanted to return to my body and my life on earth. i cried for a while after the journey and felt so depressed and sad that i had to come back. i felt a sort of spiritual depression for a long time afterwards. i was unable to speak of it w/o crying for close to a year. until i met my guides, i was suicidal but that whole incident changed the course of my life. i have met w/ them several times since then but the experience has never been as intense as the first. i honestly don't want my mind expanded to such a level too often. it's too disappointing to come back here when i remember what i'm missing out on there. sometimes they work w/ me at night but i seldom remember more than begging them to let me remember what we talked about. i know this is out of mercy to keep me from grieving our separation like i did after our first meeting. i know meeting them expands my consciousness and prepares me for more. so what you said josh said makes sense to me. have you ever read "the celestine prophesy" by james redfield? i think the ideology behind the books would really help you. the writing itself is pretty poor and doesn't get better in subsequent books but the ideas are very useful.

 

[Bella]

hi cayacia, sorry to hear you're having a hard time of this. I haven't had the experience of my guides actually causing me to be upset as is happening with you.
I don't know if this will help, but maybe. First, I have to agree with Truthsayer. I'm a shamanic practitioner as well,and have met my spirit guides. When I first met my "main" guide, I had such a feeling of ecstasy during the journey and immediately afterwards. The world looked so bright that everything actually glowed!! When that initial feeling wore off, I felt sad and depressed that the world wasn't like that all the time. I have contacted my guides several times since then, but have not been able to recapture that ecstatic feeling. However, knowing that they are there with me all the time is both a comfort and an inspiration to me. I think that it helps that the first contact was so strongly emotional.
So I guess i should ask, have you tried to directly contact your guides, or do you wait for them to come in dreams? If you could make that initial contact on your own, break through of your own accord, you may be relieved of that disturbance you are feeling. After, while you may feel sad, you may also feel at peace. Have you tried shamanic journeying as a way of making contact? If you have tried, and it hasn't happened, please try to take comfort in the fact that it will happen, when the time is right, and then you will feel that the wait and disturbance was worth it. Take care of yourself in the meanwhile.

 

[cayacia]

Wow...I have not tried shamanic journeying. It reminds me of what I wish Josh could do for me, which is just guide me through a bit of meditation...sort of give me a little push to hear them and meet them in a concious effort. I've never actually met them while I am awake. Sometimes I wonder if, when I'm asking them a questions, the first thing that comes to mind is my own thoughts or them answering me. I can remember being very sick, one day, and hearing someone whispering my name a couple of times while I was half awake.

I would like to try this shamanic journeying. Is there a method to it and do I need drums My parents think I'm strange enough with the Tarot and i havn't told them about this because they don't believe in this stuff at all. Drums would be worse than when my dad asked me why I was rinsing my semi-precious stones in the filtered water from the fridge and not tap water (I was cleansing them) ^_^ . "I'm...cleaning them..." ^_^

Love,

cayacia

 

[truthsayer]

you might want to read the book by michael harner on shamanism. can't remember the name. it's something like "the shaman's journey". harner has journey drumming tapes/CD's you can buy but honestly it's not something i think you should walk blindly into w/o some guidance from someone w/ some experience. there are plain meditation tapes out there you can use to learn meditation techniques. there are also books out there that outline meditations that you can tape record and talk yourself thru. just be sure to read slowly. sylvia browne has a new one out--i'm not particularly fond of sylvia's work but her meditations are quite good. my long time favorite is shakti gawain's "creative visualization"--both book and tapes. why not do a web search for more info?

 

[Bella]

if you want to think about shamanic journeying, I'd start by reading Michael Harner's "The Way of the Shaman." I'd also recommend "Urban Shaman" by Serge Kahili-King and "Secrets of Shamanism" by Jose and Lena Stevens, or any books by Hank Wesselman. If it appeals to you then, you might want to take a workshop if there's one near you and your family doesn't get too freaked out (I never tell my family where i am when I do those things--too many questions!). If that's not an option, I think this is something that you could try yourself. You don't need a drum or rattles of your own, although that would be nice. A good drumming CD is "Drumming to Journey By" by Kay Cordell-Whitaker.
I've found shamanic journeying to be an amazing experience. If you do decide to try it, let me know how it's going, ok? Take care,
Bella