To Keep a Tarot Gift:

[tabi]

I asked my hunny, Tim to pick something out for me for Christmas. He has really never bought me anything that I didn't ask for first. I'm not sure what made me think this was a good idea but at the time it seemed so. (Yes I'm crazy).

He buys me the Medieval Scapini, this is a deck that he has pointed out to me SEVERAL times telling me that I should get it. I do NOT like the deck, I have never even considered it because I really don't like the deck AT ALL. No this isn't a one time converation nor a brief in passing this. This is a something we talk about every time we go to Borders. He KNOWS I didn't like the deck.

He said that I should have this deck because it is so different from all of my other decks. Nice logic but since I like all of my other decks I'm not sure what it is suppose to mean.

I don't want to hurt Tim's feelings but I don't want the deck. Hell I haven't even shuffled it. The cards make no sense, it is ugly to me, and damn if I can't figure out what the hell the man was thinking when he designed the cards.

So do I keep it because it was a gift from someone important to me or do I return it or do I trade it away?

 

[Aulruna]

This is something that partners seem to like to do... My ex did this several times. Once I mentioned I needed new ski but I wanted the old-fashioned ones, not carvers. He of course got me carvers, "knowing" they would be better for me. I never got the technique down properly and ended up buying myself another pair.

I had this happen several times with garments, too, both from significant others and from relatives. My Mom will never stop giving me pink stuff, despite I have never touched it since I could get dressed myself (which is now several decades!).

These days, I'm very outspoken about it. They mean well, I appreciate that and I make sure they are getting this point, but I will also very firmly state: "Sorry, we talked about this, and I know my taste well enough to be sure I just won't click with this. Would you like to help me pick another? Otherwise, I will send it off to a better home. Thank you."

 

[Guiding Cauldron]

tabi

i hun, the only thing I can sat is it seems there is something for you to learn here. You asked your hubby to buy you a gift- as you said you DONT normally do that WITHOUT speciifing what you'd like. So you left it open for him to get what he saw would work for you.

Looking at teh decks in your profile, and looking at the med scap deck i can se how they look very different. BUT I can also see how the Med Scap deck could work with some of your current decks too.

Maybe its time to see new avenues with your cards, and capabilities. A different approach, or viewpoint. I would at least give it a try first before you completely discount the new deck all togther. You might be pleasently surprised and it may mean mroe when you do because someone dear to you gave you the connection you may have needed- without your even realizing it. xx

Just an idea hun take what you wish from it, or tell me to bug off lol Hope you can figure it within yourself, bright blessings xx

 

[memries]

I am changing my reply so deleted the first one.

This is the first time he has chosen the gift for you. It is his initiative and caring that led him to purchase the deck. I would be grateful in that it came from him and look at it that way. It is not our role to sit in judgment of another's choice. His money, his time, his choice.

As to why he did that with the complicating side issue, it might be innocence and that he truly wants you to try it or it could be controlling but still and all it is a gift. I would look at it with an open mind, try it and then if I did not care for it just not use it. Also I would go out and buy the one I wanted as well. A gift from you to you that you chose, but it is never just quite the same is it ?

 

[Aulruna]

I would normally agree - I often had mind-blowing epiphanies with decks I thought I didn't connect with.

However, repeatedly expressing a dislike for something to a person and then the person is giving you just that? In this case, I still think it's okay to address it.

 

[zannamarie]

With gift giving, it's the thought that counts. It takes up less space to keep the thought and get rid of the gift.

In this case, however, I wonder if it's an opening for this deck to be HIS deck? It sounds like he's drawn to it else his mind wouldn't have drowned out your protests. Just a thought.

 

[franniee]

oh Tabi! I get what you are saying you think in some way he was being controlling buying what he thought was good rather than tapping into what you truly wanted. This used to make me insane! Actually I bet it still does! Just hasn't happened in forever.

If it is given innocently - like a gf of mine gave me 2 decks.... one I can't stand but she didn't know and the other I have... she was being thoughtful and considerate so I cherish both because of the intent.... but I had a bf who bought me clothes etc to change me - he wanted me to look a certain way - I got pretty angry about it. He didn't think of me when he bought something he was selfish and bought what he liked! Also why he is an ex!

I would have a chat with him and ask him gently and non threateningly why he thought you would like it since you had expressed an aversion to it every time you went into Borders. Hear him out.... maybe he was just being dopey! Maybe he wants you to have it because he wants to secretly play with it. What attracts him to the deck? It may be interesting to explore.

The first year I met my hubby for my bday which was about 5 months after we met he bought me a tool kit... this self enclosed tool kit... I looked at it and secretly said to myself "what was he thinking??? " not to mention I was hoping for an engagement ring! (which he ended up surprising me with on our 6 month anniversary with a dinner he made and brought to my place) he also got my a crystal ballerina because he knew I loved the ballet. Anyway I resisted getting angry and I tried to sort this out logically in my head - I had bought my apt a month before I met him and he was busy in my home from the beginning fixing and doing and I had no tools - i didn't need them - before he showed up I called the manager and had the handy man fix this or that.... But in his home his sister fixed a lot and enjoyed tinkering and loved tools so in his mind he really thought he bought me something special! That christmas I got a TiVO and was also nonplussed. I had never heard of it - it was brand new on the market and I was thinking appliance!!! I am going to have to have a chat with this boy!!! But to my surprise this was an awesome gift and one he thought out very much! It was perfect for me!!! I LOVE it

So try and see what motivated him to buy this..... maybe the universe wants you to have this deck. Give it a shot - shuffle it and possibly offer readings with it and see if you can change your opinion.

 

[tabi]

The thing that annoys me the most is the fact I repeatedly told him I didn't like the deck so I didn't want the deck. His other Christmas to was a book on Buddhism.

His logic here is: I study all other religions but I don't read anything about Buddhism. Mostly because *I* don't consider it a true religion (finer points that I'm not going to agrue about), but the book is interesting even though it wasn't something I would have gotten myself.

 

[lark]

The thing that annoys me the most is the fact I repeatedly told him I didn't like the deck so I didn't want the deck. His other Christmas to was a book on Buddhism.

His logic here is: I study all other religions but I don't read anything about Buddhism. Mostly because *I* don't consider it a true religion (finer points that I'm not going to agrue about), but the book is interesting even though it wasn't something I would have gotten myself.

My dad was like this...if you asked for a doll he would give you a chemistry set...because after all you already had a doll....why do you need another one....here get into chemistry, broaden your horizons, prepare for the future....when all I really wanted was a Barbie doll.
It hurt because I felt he never heard me...never acknowledged the real me...never saw me for who I really was.
I was a caricature of who he thought I should be and his gifts always reflected that.
And when I looked at those gifts they never sparked any good feelings...they only represented not being heard....so I put them far away, gave them away, or returned them.

On the other hand my son went to the Ren. Fair and came back with a surprise for me, a Haindl deck...not my favorite deck to be sure, and there were others at the time I would have liked better...but he did it out of love and the art work on the deck is so him...just the way he likes to paint...so that deck is very dear to me because it reflects his taste, and by buying me a deck he was acknowledging me, and recognising my love of tarot....so that deck will never be sold or traded.

So I guess in this long post what I am saying is...if you look at the deck and have good feeling and understand it came from love then keep it...if you look at it and it irritates you and you feel negative feelings then bring it back and get something you like...and have a talk with that boy, what he doesn't know about women is a lot!

But why you should keep it to spare his feelings when he wasn't sensitive to yours, well...I'm not on board with that....I'd bring it back.
Keeping the peace is one thing, but if it makes you feel disregarded and unheard...then it's just a false peace because the hurt is still there..
blessings, lark

P.S. You can tell I have strong feelings about this...I'm sorry if I'm projecting them too much into your situation...I just strongly feel that you should give a gift out of love and not according to what you like, or how you want to mold a person, but out of a genuine "want" to please them and express your understanding of their nature and character....that is the best gift.
Sometimes it's not even what the gift is, but how it expresses their understanding of you as a person that is the true gift.

 

[rwcarter]

Interesting. I had a friend once who bought me the exact same deck (Medieval Scapini) cause he'd heard that a reader's deck should be gifted to them. Didn't like the deck then (10+ years ago) and still don't like it. In my particular case, I actually gave the gift back to him when I decided the friendship wasn't worth my trouble.

Since this is someone you're involved with, I would keep the deck, even if he was being controlling/passive-aggressive by giving you something you'd repeatedly told him you didn't like. If just looking at the deck revolts you, put it in a closet or a box somewhere. That way you still have it, but you don't have to be faced with it everyday. And if you two ever break-up, you can return it to him since he likes it so much and the only reason you ever kept it was because of your relationship with him.

Rodney