To Keep a Tarot Gift:

[thinbuddha]

simple

The choice is truly simple.

You can always undo keeping it. You can never undo returning it. You must keep this gift, for the time being. In a year or two, if you still hate it, trade it away.

There are other ways to send the message that you appreciate getting a gift that you like rather than a gift designed to make you grow in a certain direction. Showing your not appreciative of his gift, I think, is not the best way to do this. It can breed ill feelings, and for what, $20?

-tb

 

[tabi]

So this morning I asked Tim why he got me this deck: He said that it was the best one there. (which honestly I do believe because hell it's Borders) but when I pointed out that I have repeatedly told him I didn't like it, he says he doesn't know it...which yet again I believe because I'm almost positive he only listens to about a quarter of what I actually say in life...especially when it comes to tarot decks because I show him a lot.

He said he would buy me a new one, when I offered to exchange this one he seemed to be disappointed or upset because of it.

 

[Skimo]

I have read that with years men become deaf for some high frequency sounds like women voice... ;o)

Maybe he just feels like this deck should be around you...

 

[celticnoodle]

So this morning I asked Tim why he got me this deck: He said that it was the best one there. (which honestly I do believe because hell it's Borders) but when I pointed out that I have repeatedly told him I didn't like it, he says he doesn't know it...which yet again I believe because I'm almost positive he only listens to about a quarter of what I actually say in life...especially when it comes to tarot decks because I show him a lot.

He said he would buy me a new one, when I offered to exchange this one he seemed to be disappointed or upset because of it.

Well, there you go. He doesn't 'hear' what you say most of the time, and he purchased this deck because HE likes it. He offered to buy you a new deck that you would like, but not exchange THIS one. It sounds to me like the perfect opportunity for the two of you to share in this deck & your love for tarot.

Why not try to sit down w/him and look at each card and see what it is about the cards that interest him? And, while you are at it, you can share your knowledge of tarot pointing out certain symbols on each card and what it means. maybe he will begin to understand and appreciate your love for tarot even more. He may also begin to understand why some decks are appealing to you and some are not.

Sounds like a perfect opportunity to share a little bit about your love of tarot with him--using this deck. If he later is not at all interested in continuing on to share this deck with you, then by all means----trade the deck! Lots here, (including myself) are interested in this deck. You may be able to find a deck you enjoy more by trading. But, I'd first try to share his interest in the deck with your interest in tarot.

 

[Umbrae]

I don’t wanna post I don’t wanna post I don’t wanna post I gotta…

Tabi…trust me here, I love ya – and I have many conflicting feelings about this, and I am unable to just sit on my hands.

First off, let’s not project upon any motivations about giving the gift.

Perhaps – perhaps – there’s the possibility that he was ‘driven’ to give the gift regardless of how anybody else felt. Perhaps he knew you’d dislike it (you told him you hated it)…but something…drove him to get it anyways.

I don’t think that should be ignored. There’s a message there.

Perhaps not a message we want to acknowledge, but it’s an important message none the less.

I essentially, have access to all the decks out there (one of the perks of my ‘job’). Folks always write to me and ask, “Can you write reviews for us?” Well you know, that’s tough. I see so much of the same ol’ same ol’ day in and out that frankly it’s gotta be outstanding for me to consider a review.

And sometimes, something comes across my deck that I really don’t like. It’s not my cup of tea. Doesn’t mean it’s bad, just means it’s not my cup of tea. And then sometimes something comes across my deck that I really don’t like, it’s not my cup of tea, and I work with it a while and somewhere…later…

Huge epiphany.

Does not mean I like the deck, or that I’m going to write some glowing review and have that Dan Guy sign off on it, it means something inside shifted…

I love the Medieval Scapini. But don’t read with it. It’s cute, but it’s not a reading deck (for me). It’s fun deck, a cute pull out and play with deck, but I’ve never been able to read with it. When I’m at a fair and pull it out to read with it – folks who want readings avoid me like the plague – the second I put it away, the chair is filled.

So Tabi – my advice is – keep the deck, play with it, have fun with it. But don’t assume you’ll ever use it as a reading deck.

 

[Lillie]

So this morning I asked Tim why he got me this deck: He said that it was the best one there. (which honestly I do believe because hell it's Borders) but when I pointed out that I have repeatedly told him I didn't like it, he says he doesn't know it...which yet again I believe because I'm almost positive he only listens to about a quarter of what I actually say in life...especially when it comes to tarot decks because I show him a lot.

He said he would buy me a new one, when I offered to exchange this one he seemed to be disappointed or upset because of it.

Yeah!

Men!

He says 'This is nice, you should have this.'

You say 'No, I don't like it, I don't want it, I wouldn't wee on it if it was on fire.'

He hears 'Yes, of course dear, you are so right about everything, you know me better than I know myself, of course I would love it.'

Then they go back to thinking about sex or sport, or whatever is filling their tiny minds to capacity..

It's sort of cute, like when a cat brings a dismembered rodent to you and it's so pleased and proud of itself.

Keep it.
Keep it to make you smile at the uselessness of men, and to remind you to tell him exactly what you want next time, and that you need to write it down for him in case he forgets.

My technique is to take Him to the shop, find what I want, put it into his hands and watch him while he takes it to the till in case he looses it or accidentally swaps it for something he thinks I ought to have instead.

Duh!

 

[gregory]

The choice is truly simple.

You can always undo keeping it. You can never undo returning it. You must keep this gift, for the time being. In a year or two, if you still hate it, trade it away.

There are other ways to send the message that you appreciate getting a gift that you like rather than a gift designed to make you grow in a certain direction. Showing your not appreciative of his gift, I think, is not the best way to do this. It can breed ill feelings, and for what, $20?

-tb

I'd agree with this. People DO forget what they've been told - my SO has done so frequently, and would be very hurt if I returned something like that. He's in NO way controlling; just vague. And I've bought him things he didn't like - and have had to bite my lip when I gave him the receipt to return them. It hurts - even though I want him to have something he likes - I went to the trouble of picking whatever it was out for him - ouch.

As TB says - what for ? $20 ? Now if he keeps doing it - fair enough; THEN is the time to discuss it.

I like Lillie's approach too - I supply a printed list, myself. With web addies and catalogue numbers !

Incidentally - I have had that deck for YEARS. I recently read with it for the first time - because the deal was to pick a deck I had never used. It was brilliant. I was very surprised.

 

[lark]

Also never keep repeating what you don't like...only keep repeating what you do like.
Because if I send himself to the store for ice cream and I say please get anything except plain vanilla..he'll come home with plain vanilla...and a hunting magazine.

 

[Crystal17]

I'd return it

well, if he knew you didnt like the deck and he got them for you (regardless), i would return them. if someone gave me a gift they knew i would not like, i would be enraged. No kidding.

the way i see it, if you give someone a gift, you do it with them in mind. its about getting them what would make them happy, not what would make you happy and by getting someone a gift you know they wouldnt like is sending the message that you feel you have better judgement and feel the need to force your will onto another person. and that is soo not cool.

 

[tabi]

I did exchange it this morning, I didn't want it in the house for some reason. Be it my own feelings projected on it. And I only mentioned once since buying it that I didn't like the deck. I did however go to Border's with him and looked around for another deck. I narrowed it down to a couple then let him help me pick which one should go home with us. This way he still feels as if he has picked it out.

Now the really weird things....

Tim generally always helps me picking out my tarot decks. Does a great job most of the time. I have picked out more decks that I have hated then he has. Does it mean I would probably gotten along with it? Maybe but really didn't want it here. Especially now...be it my own feelings or simply the deck.

Tim also doesn't want to read tarot because I have asked several times....however he is a damn strong reader for someone who has never "read" tarot. He comes by it naturally to the point that he helps me play the Famous Person-Card Association Game. There is a few times I have to pick up my jaw...why doesn't he want to read? I don't know but I do know it is his choice and I'm more then willing to help if he wants to learn ever. However I will say he likes the Tarot de Marseilles styles decks, which I don't. I looked closely at the Medieval Scapini and saw that it was a unique blend of the TdM and RWS without leaning to heavy on either. Probably explaining why he choose this one without really realizing it.

Honestly it didn't really enraged me just confused the hell out of me.