To Keep a Tarot Gift:

[WhiteBirchWoman]

<<<<<<<i hun, the only thing I can sat is it seems there is something for you to learn here. You asked your hubby to buy you a gift- as you said you DONT normally do that WITHOUT speciifing what you'd like. So you left it open for him to get what he saw would work for you. >>>>>>

If this is implying that it was her responsibility, I don't find your remark acceptable. He KNEW she didn't like the deck. She made it clear that there was no question he understood she hated it. Buying someone something that you KNOW they don't want is rude and disrespectful. There's an element of pushiness in it, as if the person is saying that they know better than you what you want.

It's not as though he didn't know she didn't want it. If that were the case you'd have a point. But since he clearly knew it was a deck she has an active dislike for, you don't. He was way out of line.


<<<<<This is the first time he has chosen the gift for you. It is his initiative and caring that led him to purchase the deck. I would be grateful in that it came from him and look at it that way. It is not our role to sit in judgment of another's choice. His money, his time, his choice.>>>>

Bullcrap. There's nothing 'caring' in a decision when you actively disregard someone's stated opinion. It IS her place to sit in judgment in this situation because he purposely purchased a deck he KNEW she hated. It wasn't as though he acted out of ignorance. Yes, it was his money, his time, and his choice, but that doesn't obligate her to accept the fact that he is trying to force upon her something he has been told she hates. What's at issue here is his complete disregard for her wishes. Why should she NOT sit in judgment of that?

<<<<As to why he did that with the complicating side issue, it might be innocence and that he truly wants you to try it or it could be controlling but still and all it is a gift.>>>>

No, it's NOT innocence and of that there is no question, unless he is partially deaf. She already pointed out that he knew, going in, she hates the deck and has NO interest in owning it.

<<<<A gift from you to you that you chose, but it is never just quite the same is it ? >>>>

As if there's something special about receiving a gift you hate from someone who knows you hate it. What the devil is so special about this?

 

[WhiteBirchWoman]

With gift giving, it's the thought that counts.

I can't believe so many people are overlooking his thoughtlessness and disrespect. What is this? Are women supposed to be grateful no matter what?

You're right it's the thought that counts. And his thought was completely unacceptable. He KNEW she didn't like the deck. What good can a person possibly be thinking if they decide that they're going to completely ignore a person's stated wishes and buy them something they know that they hate?

He's being pushy and controlling. Excusing his behavior with 'it's the thought that counts' is irresponsible.

 

[WhiteBirchWoman]

Hi Tabi,
I have lots of things that people have given me that I don't care for. When my children were little they would buy some of the worst perfumes/soaps for me. I used them anyway. Guess I was more interested in making my boys happy than in making me happy. (Some of the perfume got 'accidently spilled' which helped!) Ask yourself - 'what will hubby think if I get rid of this deck'. That sould give you your answer. If it would hurt him, don't get rid of it. If he really doesn't notice your decks, you could probably trade it without hurting his feelings.

Talking about the way small children will get things for their parents that are, well, not something the parent would have wanted, as if that is in any way comparable to an adult's similar behavior, is ridiculous. Small children very often don't understand and buy things based on visual impulse, thinking that their Mom or Dad will absolutely love it. This situation, however, involved a grown man who had been repeatedly told that his partner HATED the deck he wanted her to have. There's no comparison between the two. It's not as though he bought the deck ignorant of her dislike for it. There is NOTHING loving about buying something that you know your partner hates.

 

[WhiteBirchWoman]

But in your husband's defense, The Medieval Scapini is a fantastic deck. It may not be the prettiest out there, but it's got a fantastic insight.

This is completely irrelevant. Whether or not the Medieval Scapini is the worst or best deck on the planet is not the issue. The issue is that she DID NOT WANT IT, HATES IT, and had made both points clear to her partner on multiple occasions. He decided her wishes were secondary to his.

 

[afrosaxon]

Whoa...

WhiteBirchWoman,

You have made your feelings with regard to this matter very clear, and you've also made it quite obvious that such feelings differ from most of those in this thread.

While I understand being passionate about defending your views, your posts are coming across as combative and borderline rude.

At the end of the day, tabi handled the matter as she deemed appropriate, and we should respect her choices.

T.

 

[WhiteBirchWoman]

So this morning I asked Tim why he got me this deck: He said that it was the best one there. (which honestly I do believe because hell it's Borders) but when I pointed out that I have repeatedly told him I didn't like it, he says he doesn't know it...which yet again I believe because I'm almost positive he only listens to about a quarter of what I actually say in life...especially when it comes to tarot decks because I show him a lot.

He said he would buy me a new one, when I offered to exchange this one he seemed to be disappointed or upset because of it.

If that's the case, he needs to learn to pay more attention. Not hearing or misunderstanding someone once is one thing, but repeatedly is not another. I'm more inclined to think that rather than not hearing you, he actively chose not to listen.

You shouldn't be confused. It's HIS problem to be disappointed or upset. It's not as though you haven't gone out of your way to make your point. He just wasn't listening, and that, again, is HIS issue, not yours.

 

[WhiteBirchWoman]

I'd agree with this. People DO forget what they've been told - my SO has done so frequently, and would be very hurt if I returned something like that.

Nope. Not something that has been said REPEATEDLY. She made it clear that it wasn't something she only said once. They'd apparently had this exchange numerous times. There was no reason, no excuse, for him not to know she hated and did not want the deck.

 

[Crystal17]

I did exchange it this morning, I didn't want it in the house for some reason. Be it my own feelings projected on it. And I only mentioned once since buying it that I didn't like the deck. I did however go to Border's with him and looked around for another deck. I narrowed it down to a couple then let him help me pick which one should go home with us. This way he still feels as if he has picked it out.

Now the really weird things....

Tim generally always helps me picking out my tarot decks. Does a great job most of the time. I have picked out more decks that I have hated then he has. Does it mean I would probably gotten along with it? Maybe but really didn't want it here. Especially now...be it my own feelings or simply the deck.

Tim also doesn't want to read tarot because I have asked several times....however he is a damn strong reader for someone who has never "read" tarot. He comes by it naturally to the point that he helps me play the Famous Person-Card Association Game. There is a few times I have to pick up my jaw...why doesn't he want to read? I don't know but I do know it is his choice and I'm more then willing to help if he wants to learn ever. However I will say he likes the Tarot de Marseilles styles decks, which I don't. I looked closely at the Medieval Scapini and saw that it was a unique blend of the TdM and RWS without leaning to heavy on either. Probably explaining why he choose this one without really realizing it.

Honestly it didn't really enraged me just confused the hell out of me.

well, if in the past he got you presents you did like, then maybe he did mean well. so, i def wouldnt have been mad. especilally, since he seems to have really great intuition- i wouldve assummed there was a deeper reason as to why he wanted me to have it. But i would have wanted to know (in greater detail) why he felt i needed the deck.

 

[WhiteBirchWoman]

WhiteBirchWoman,

You have made your feelings with regard to this matter very clear, and you've also made it quite obvious that such feelings differ from most of those in this thread.

While I understand being passionate about defending your views, your posts are coming across as combative and borderline rude.

At the end of the day, tabi handled the matter as she deemed appropriate, and we should respect her choices.

T.

What appalls me is the tone of "It was a GIFT from the HEART, OMG you shouldn't be MEAN about it!"

You'll notice I haven't disrespected Tabi's choice. My negative responses have been toward others. I'm also really not sure what difference it makes that my feelings differ from 'most others.'

 

[Lillie]

I don't know about Tabi's guy, but mine can completely not hear something I have told him a thousand times.
He can be totally surprised every time I tell him, and still not know it.

I think it's a bloke thing.

On the other hand he thinks he has explained the meaning of 'pre-amp' to me dozens of times, and also the off side rule in football.
On neither of these do I have a clue, much less do I actually care.

It's a woman thing.