Fear

[Always Wondering]

It was just a suggestion. If it doesn't appeal, don't do it. But I figured that with you being in the USA you would have a lot more choice of therapists and therapy types to choose from. From what I've heard it's easier to 'shop around' over there.

It depends on insurance. And location. I have decent insurance but lousy location. If I lived in a more populated area I am sure I could find a good theripist. I did before. It wasn't unitl I moved that I found slim pickings. But it doesn't hurt to look again. When the student is ready and all that.

Judging from the dream I had last night and my conversation with you about women with Gemini energy, I'd say I have mom issues. That was the yuck.

AW

 

[Always Wondering]

What if the problem really is insurmountable, and there isn't anything to do about it? Sometimes life just sucks, and spiritual platitudes don't do any good, except making it suck even more. Sometimes no amount of therapy and medication helps. Sometimes there is no remedy for crappy situations, and you have to accept losing. How long does it last? Can you accept being out of commission for a month a year? Can you go away to someplace less stressful, maybe cool mountains? Shorter hours? Sick days?

I'm not saying give up, but work with what you have. I'm reminded of an Aesop fable of the reeds and the oak tree, where the tree floats down the river torn out of the ground after a storm. The tree asks the reeds how flimsy things like them survived, when the strong oak didn't. They answer something about bending to the wind, allowing it to pass, not trying to fight the inevitable.

I have been thinking along those lines. I do have a Cancer asscendant, which I think explains much and recent discussions on the Charriot seem to correlate with you comment. That's why I was intrigued with Ravenest's suggestion of martial arts. (I also have a Mars opposition.)

Due to the economy and the contradictory success of our small business I don't have to work with my husband anymore, or should I say, we don't have to work together. But it's also not easy to find an outside job or start a new business. So I find myself semi retired already. I have all the time I need to deal with this. Travel is a trigger though. I am usually good to go, but not so much in August.

AW

 

[Always Wondering]

In an attempt to give this thread some sort of relevance to Tarot I thought I might post a little snipit from Jim Eshelman's commentary on Liber 66 Stellae Rubeae verses 57-59. It may be of some use, it may not.

Pachad (Fear) is the lowest of the three expressions of the Martial fifth sephira. (The other two being Geburah and Din.) Will, as it manifests in the individual, is also a function of the fifth sephira. That basically means that Will and Fear are the same energy. But Will needs to flow. If it meets with resistance or blockages in the personality it may manifest as Pachad - Fear.

I find it useful. With Regardie's Middle Pillar energy fountain that Ravenest mentioned I kept thinking how self contained it was, and how would it be possible or even wanted to turn that energy outward as in Eshelman's first quote. But maybe I was comparing apples and oranges?

Also I think I was assuming my symptoms were a reflection of some knid of magical failure and this thread has been very helpful as far as that goes.

Using the above commentary on the word, Pachad, it might be a useful exercise to spell it out with your Thoth Tarot cards. Atu's XVI - VII - & III - The Tower, The Chariot, and The Empress - and use this as a basis for meditation and reflection.

Thanks. There's that Chariot again. In fact, Mars and Venus too. Fascinating how that works. I will try this for sure.

AW

 

[Zephyros]

I have been thinking along those lines. I do have a Cancer asscendant, which I think explains much and recent discussions on the Charriot seem to correlate with you comment. That's why I was intrigued with Ravenest's suggestion of martial arts. (I also have a Mars opposition.)

I've been contemplating the Hanged Man recently, and finding it quite difficult, and my comments probably stemmed directly from there. Interesting that you would mention the Chariot, the correlation with the receptiveness of Water. I obviously don't know you, but talk of "magickal failure" seems slightly "old Aeon" and almost like guilt for what is inherently part of you. The Chariot is part of you, but so is the HM, and, although this is only my view, carrying out one's Will need not always be about winning, becoming the perfect individual. Even fighting, as ravenest said, could be Hanged-Manny, reveling in your own fears in order to project them outwardly.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AEzRXjg1rYE

Leonard Cohen probably wasn't talking about what we are, but he does know a thing or two.

 

[Always Wondering]

I obviously don't know you, but talk of "magickal failure" seems slightly "old Aeon" and almost like guilt for what is inherently part of you.

I did say that didn't I?

I think I meant failure of some magical technique, ie maybe there is something I am not getting about the breathing. Or something I am not getting about magic in general. About a year of ritual stirred up the anxiety to new level, I heard this happens. And I have taken it on again. But more successfully this time. I found ending Liber Resh with a nice earthy sun salutation gets me back grounded nicely.

The Chariot is part of you, but so is the HM, and, although this is only my view, carrying out one's Will need not always be about winning, becoming the perfect individual. Even fighting, as ravenest said, could be Hanged-Manny, reveling in your own fears in order to project them outwardly.

Actually it seems like you know me pretty good. I do tend to work this whole magic/life thing kind of backwards it seems. Ie, ignore the Hanged man and focus on the Empress or Priestess. That's why I spend so much time with Regardie's work. I've done more learning about how to be in my body, than out of it. I tend to forget the man is hanging from an Ankh. Now there is some good motivation for engaging on this pesky earth.

I am looking into Tai Chi. I always thought that was beautiful. I just hadn't realized they were fighting movements. And there is a woman up here that teaches Tai chi sword. That would be a great goal. I was happy with my pocket knife until I had a look at one of her videos. Still looking for some a teacher that actually teaches the fighting aspect of it so I would eventually have a sparing partner.

My chriopractor retired.
Still looking into the theripist.

Thanks.
AW

 

[ravenest]

Even fighting, as ravenest said, could be Hanged-Manny, reveling in your own fears in order to project them outwardly.

I should qualify; not fighting but practising Martial arts (in a good way) to dispel the fight reaction or get over an attachment or aversion to it.

Aikido is a good martial art for this; it teaches one to maintain the Hara centre in the face of all sorts of difficulties, it helps one face life with a smiling confidence and balanced demeanour , it is a magical art as well ... it suits women and people of small statue and teaches how to use 'inner' strength and power, (I came to Aikido with 10 years hard style martial arts under my belt ... first session a 12 year old girl threw me across the room and into the wall !) it is non-conflictual, it is based on a principle of 4 ( centre on Hara, extend Ki, keep weight underside and 'no mind') ... not only while sitting and meditating but whilst moving and, eventually, whilst being 'attacked' by sword or multiple opponants); it has weapons that teach certain things (as magical weapons teach us things) specifying particularly in Bokkan and Jo (wooden sword and short staff) ... just as a simple example.

The work of the wand and the work of the sword

 

[Zephyros]

I should qualify; not fighting but practising Martial arts (in a good way) to dispel the fight reaction or get over an attachment or aversion to it.

I assumed as much. Unless you're Batman and actually do go out each night and beat people up.

 

[Aeon418]

Still looking into the theripist.

I'm not sure if this is will help, but David Shoemaker did a 'Living Thelema' segment on Cognitive Therapy for magicians last year. There's a link to a book on the same page and a 'mood tracker' chart to download too.

http://www.speechinthesilence.com/web/2012/04

 

[Zephyros]

Not sure if this on-topic or not, but I have a certain fear of mixing religious ideas with health, especially mental health. It smacks of gay rehabilitation, of exorcisms, of prayer-healing and several other undesirable connotations. I agree with Regardie in that

it is my contention that neurotic problems must be dealt with on their own plane.

However, there is an argument that the field of psychology is in itself a new religion

http://www.abcarticledirectory.com/Article/Are-Psychologists-The-New-Religion-/761510

so it isn't all cut and dried. I suppose even initiation doesn't guarantee perfection. Crowley attained XII° and still had problems.

 

[Aeon418]

I agree with Regardie

So does Shoemaker. Right near the beginning of his talk he says that psych issues should be dealt with on their own plane.

I suppose even initiation doesn't guarantee perfection. Crowley attained XII° and still had problems.

I'm not sure what Crowley's OTO degree has to do with any of this. The OTO is an organization that you can be initiated into. It's just like any other mundane club. This sort of initiation is not the same as the inner spiritual initiation of the A.'.A.'.

Crowley's letter to Carl Germer should should make the distinction clear.

The difference between the A.'.A.'. and the O.T.O. is very clear and simple. The A.'.A.'. is a sempiternal institution, and entirely secret. There is no communication between its members. Theoretically, a member knows only the superior who introduced him, and any person whom he himself has introduced. The Order is run on purely spiritual lines.

The object of membership is also entirely simple. The first objective is the Knowledge and Conversation of the Holy Guardian Angel. The next objective, omitting considerations for the present of the 6=5 and 7=4 degrees, is the crossing of the Abyss, and the attainment of mastership of the Temple. This is described very fully especially in Liber 418. Much less is written about the 5=6 degree, i.e., the Knowledge and Conversation, because it is too secret and individual. It is impossible to lay down conditions, or to describe the experience involved in detail.

The O.T.O. has nothing to do with this, except that the Book of the Law and the Word of the Aeon are essential principles of membership. In all other respects, it stands by itself as a body similar to freemasonry, but involving acceptance of a social and economic system which is intended to put the world on its feet. There is also, of course, the secret of the IX° which is so to say, the weapon which they may use to further these purposes.

To show you the difference, Theodor Reuss was Supreme Head of the O.T.O., but was not even probationer of the A.'.A.'.