Help - Commitment Anxiety

[Venefica]

'lo all...been awhile since I've posted...but in a pinch now..a bit of perspective please...

The owner of a meta store (not a close friend, but a casual acquaintence) asked me to read the cards at a psychic fair she is having in the parking lot behind her store. She asked me to read in passing at an Expo we were both attending back in April.

It's a volunteer gig w/the proceeds going to an animal rescue/shelter. I said "yes" assuming (should never do that) it would be like other charity gigs I've volunteered for...a couple hours...quickie readings....someone else takes care of taking the money....I get a little food or $ for my time/service.

Noooooo. I talked to her last night...she wants me to bring baked goods, tables, chairs, bring a lunch, bring water ('cause it's gonna be hot)...oh, and do I have a tent, or know anybody with a tent?

It's this Saturday, and she has seemingly nothing planned. She warned me that she's going to be a cranky basketcase the whole time because it's going to be utter chaos - and I'm thinking - "lady...you've had since April to plan for this what have you been doing?"

She then made a comment about the fair making her (people from the fair buying stuff in her shop) more money last year than she makes in a whole week - and the tone made me wonder if this is for a charity, or is it about making money for her store? I'm a business owner too, and know PR the value of a good charity event - but something about her tone just made me uneasy.

The fair is supposed to be from 12:00-4:00...but she tells me "get here at 10 because you'll need to help set up...oh, and be prepared to stay until 6 or 7 because the readings will probably go over, and we'll need help cleaning up."

I asked her if she had any volunteers - or if the animal shelter would help her, considering she's holding the charity for them - she said she hadn't heard from anybody. Hmmmm.

SOOOOO - the more she talked about this - the more the pit of my stomach started to turn like a seasick worm. Now I'm trying to think of a way to back out. When I accepted I had no idea I'd be a part of the third level of disorganizational hell (I don't deal well with disorder).

Further - I just don't have the time or energy to devote to pulling off someone else's project. I feel this was her responsibility - not mine. I'm there to provide a service for a cause - not be a hand-on-deck.

Furthermore, she's got 9 volunteers to read - 4 of those are Tarot readers! I'm thinking she doesn't really need one more Tarot reader - unless she's hedging her bets that others will back out at the last minute.

My conscience is twitchy - I hate backing out - but on the other hand - I really feel like I'm being taken advantage of here.

I'm thinking about making a donation to the shelter and excusing myself & my services from the event.

Does anyone have any other ideas? Any suggestions would be appreciated

 

[lark]

I would show up at 12:00 with all the things you need to make your reading experience comfortable...and I would pack up and leave at 4:00.
If she makes a fuss just tell her you have other plans for the day and never expected this to take up your whole Saturday.
She is trying to take advantage of you and others to compensate for her poor planning.
Not acceptable.
And not professional.
I also feel if it was truly for the animal shelter a representative would be happy to be there and would have helped with the plans long before now...
Did she advertise?

 

[Grizabella]

I agree with lark. Only I wouldn't show up at noon ready to work, I'd contact her beforehand and tell her you didn't agree to give up your whole Saturday and that you've made other plans around the previously agreed on time of 12 to 4. If that's not okay with her, that she'll need to find someone to replace you. Just be honest. I've learned that the little word "no" is really a lifesaver. I used to paint myself into corners---or rather, let others do it---and it's totally preventable by saying "no, these are my boundaries" and then sticking by it. You can say it politely with a smile and still be firm in standing up for yourself.

To spring this on you suddenly with only a few days till the event is unacceptable. Any normal person would naturally have planned their Saturday around the previously agreed on time, so you're not yanking the rug on her or anything.

 

[Venefica]

Thank you, Solitaire & Lark for your very thoughtful & on-the-mark replies.

Lark - yes, she advertised - she just put the ad in the local rag & it will run today (again - I believe this is last minute).

Me mum gave the same advice as you both did - so noon to 4 I go - mind my own P's & Q's and be prepared to set my boundaries.

Thank you both again for righteous advice.

 

[Ruby7]

I agree with what the others have said. She shouldn't assume all that of you, and she wasn't even asking, she was telling you. Not nice.

So forget about her, and enjoy doing your readings from 12 - 4.

All the best,
Ruby7

 

[Chronata]

Man, my first reaction to reading this was "Run!"

It sounds to me like you are volunteering all your time,money and energy...and she's the one benefiting from it...not the charity!

But if you already assumed you would be doing this for a good cause, and you don't expect any compensation, then maybe it would be a nice afternoon helping people by reading cards for them.

Bring your own guest book and business cards, though...and pass them out to everyone!(even passerby!) And I agree...read only for the time you said you would.

 

[Elven]

Man, my first reaction to reading this was "Run!"

Mwahahaha!!

What struck me was a hint of the emotional 'blackmail' - the 'cranky basket case' if this and that dont go to expectations ... *alarm bells* This sounds as if you are being 'warned' that this will be her expected reaction if anything goes 'wrong' - which may mean she will blame or not take full responsibility for her commitment to the fair ... and you maybe dealt some of this ...

Im wondering where the balance is in this situation ... what returns will you be provided with? even if you did do all the things expected on your list ...

You need to maybe approach this in a business manner - charity or not - tell her of the amount of participation you are willing to offer - and do your best if you commit to doing the readings.

I did a big fair on the weekend, and I did do some preparation for the cafe - made their menu boards ... but on the day, I was left to myself - I was organised and had a great time ... I got free coffee and a free space to read ... Im an asset to them, and them to me ... it works nicely ... there's much respect on the duties each are trying to perform on the day ... we have an understanding worked out prior to the event ...

Also maybe clarify the 'charity' aspect - will she be paid for supplying readers - or does she get a cut - or does she contribute an amount - and keep the rest? - You could request that you will collect your own takings and give them to the charity personally - for tax purposes Most charity contributions are taxable back to you for the full amount ... this can also double the persons 'takings' if they claim the full amount as a donation from themselves instead of a collective body of readers.

Just some thoughts.
I hope you work this out and if you go ahead, I hope you have a great day reading!! ... with no 'cranky basket tantrums'

Blessings Elven x

 

[Venefica]

I know, Chronata, that was my reaction too.. "RUN!"...

Elven, I really like the observations you made - you gave me a deeper glimpse into the personality type I may be dealing with here.

Nevertheless - I did say yes & I can't afford a bite on the bum from karma if I back out.

Nope - it is not a "tit-for-tat" arrangement. Nothing will be provided to me except maybe some exposure (which I'm really not looking for - people find me when they need me). Like I said - I have to supply my own drink & food for the day.

Big lesson learned here - "get the facts man" before committing!

All suggestions in this post are fitting and strike a good balance. That's why I love this forum - honest, practical, useful advice at every turn.

Ruby - I'll take your advice along with Solitaire's, Lark's Elven's and Chronata's... "forget about her & enjoy the readings"

That's what it's all about anyway - having a good time, spreading some joy, and being of service to those who are looking for a little clarity.

 

[Scion]

Everything Lark, Solitaire and others have said is spot on. This woman sounds like a nightmare.

Your story reminds me of a fantastic quote by the (often overrated) Maya Angelou: "When people tell you who they are, believe them."

This woman is telling you (hell, she's INISISTING you notice) with every fiber of her being that she is a bossy, distracted, sloppy, unprofessional, toxic, opportunistic parasite. I'd also really encourage you, as Solitaire siggested, to speak to her in advance, frankly and calmly, about what you will and won't do so that evertyone knows where everyone stands before the hysiteria that she's concocted starts. As my mother always says, "No, thank you is a complete sentence."

I've done a lot of event planning and in my experience there are essentially two schools: listmakers and freakers. The Listmaker talks to people early, allows for contingencies, and makes sure that the event is a success so that people want to return and work the next one. By contrast, freakout junkies operate in a miasma of guilt, hysteria and personal appeal... inevitably at the last minute and with little communication that might give the game away. These people assume that noone will ever return for more abuse so they (un)consciously squeeze their workers dry and abuse the facilities as much as they can, hence the overstaffing and poor planning. Freakers do sometimes produce successful events, usually with a kind of splatter painted appeal, but the carnage will be extensive and the fallout often extreme. Everything this woman has said indicates a lack of respect, intelligence, and professionalism and I'd be very wary of anything with which she's involved for fear that her reek will rub off.... people have a way of associating us with our vicinity.

More distressing is the vague, Charity-that-isn't aspect... again this is a hallmark of freakout planners. Why WOULDN'T you want people to know about the charity you're supposedly supporting? Whenever someone isn't candid about the recipient of proceeds, they're crooked. Again, this woman sounds hideous on about 15 levels.

If I were you I'd show up at Noon, pack up at 3:59, and call her in advance to spare yourself the guilt and agita she'll unload on you on Saturday. Ugh.

Scion

 

[Grizabella]

Something else to think about is that if she's going to promote this by using the name of the shelter, then if the shelter doesn't get any of the money, they may get upset with the whole thing, including the readers who participate. Just because the shelter hasn't played any part in producing it doesn't mean they won't hear from those who were customers, and then when that happens, they may be wanting to know why the public was bilked of money in their name if they don't get the donation. I wouldn't care to be associated with something like that. Your personal reputation as a reader could be tarnished by it.