The Fearful Client..

[Toxicmage]

The injection of humor to take the edge off, yeah I like that Tom. I don't have a rubber chicken, but maybe the old magician's trick of making a card rise up from the deck..in a spooky manner lol. Or something like that.

Maybe it's just those small percentage of sitters who really have a deep fear of things unknown.

Aulruna yes, your right..at least the one's who are afraid do have something one can work with. I agree.

 

[LucyD]

I read at a Summer Solstice party last weekend. No one there knew me, so I joined up with a group of people having dinner. One lady said to me that she would never have her cards read because she would be afraid of bad news.

After dinner, she was the first one in line....!

And guess what, bad news.

During dinner I explained to her that the value of finding out bad news in advance (if there is any) is that you can now have more control over the situation, know the hidden motivations and so forth. Getting out in front of problems is empowering.

We went over the problem, how to recognize it when it comes out of the shadows and various ways to handle it. She felt better, but my feeling was that she 'knew' there was something bad brewing and didn't know what to do with that intuition. A well-timed reading is priceless!

 

[Baroli]

You know, when I think of fearful, I think of when I was afraid of the dark when I was a kid, and how comforting the touch of my mother was. A warm hug was always what I needed to keep me from being afraid and of course my mother's soothing tones in her voice to calm me.

I think I picked up that idea from my mom and those times of my youth. When I get a fearful client, I can usually pick up on that vibe they are sending. I immediately become very calm and very much like my mother, giving out a calming voice and it works.

Now you who use palmistry along with your Tarot readings have it going on. To me, when someone picks up my hand and touches my palm while reading it is for me very calming, (it's also a major turn-on for me too, hee hee ), but the act of touching someone when they are fearful will take the fear out of the client while you are explaining why there is nothing to be afraid of.

 

[Grizabella]

That works for some but what about those who don't like being touched by people they don't know? I guess it would be safe, though, to ask "Do you mind if I touch your hand?" Then they could say yes or no.

I ask because I don't like people just touching me uninvited and I've known an awful lot of other people who aren't "touchy" either, so I think I'd ask first.

 

[Baroli]

That works for some but what about those who don't like being touched by people they don't know? I guess it would be safe, though, to ask "Do you mind if I touch your hand?" Then they could say yes or no.

I ask because I don't like people just touching me uninvited and I've known an awful lot of other people who aren't "touchy" either, so I think I'd ask first.

I have a little inside info with those that don't want to be touched and it's not what you think. When I was in college, I did a stint as an intern in back then a pilot program dealing with and counselling children of abused and incest related rapes. I learned to spot a lot of different things by how the child looked, how they sat in the chair (body language), most of them had a look of fear in their eyes with the touching thing. It would break your heart. It did mine, which is why after a semester I said that's enough. Asking is good too. But sometimes people just need that human touch in order to feel safe, no asking needed, so there are both sides of the coin.

 

[SunChariot]

I don't think it's anything you did Toxicmage. Especially since you said that you do your best to show them empowering things when anything negative comes up.

My take on it is that the person was scared of Tarot way before they came to you. They were likely told something very scary about it in the past of had a previous scary experience. And that fear is still in them. Then the came to you. It makes me wonder though why someone who is that scared would seek out a reading though(?) Maybe to try to face their fears.

I had one experience with that the one time I read in person for someone. I never read in person again but that one time this person was really terrified. And I know it was nothing I did. She was so scared inside that she was panicking and what I was saying to her was not registering at all. Sometimes, when you're panicking inside you're not really listening much ....that was the case with my querent. I told her over 20 times in a row that the card was not negative and it just was not sinking in.

She got (you guessed it!) the Death card. I told her before I turned it over that all it meant was change, a change for the better, somethign ending to make room for something better to come take it's place. And that the card did NOT have any other meaning. Then I turned it over fully and she pretty well got hysterical. She was like "OMG, I'm going to die!!!! I knew it!"

Of course the question was nothing to do with that and neither was the answer. I just kept on telling her it did not at all mean that in any way but she never beleived me. I must have told her 20 times in a row that the card did not mean that. But she was just panicking and kept repeating that she was going to die and I kept repeating that I she was not going to do anything of the sort.

It was a coworker who I did not know long but who never spoke to me again. She looked at me with fear for the next few days...then disppeared. I hope I was not the cause of her quitting.

I know I did nothing to bring that on but it was an awful experince fo rme too. That fear was there in her. She came to me with it. I did not create it and the fear prevented her from hearing the truth. There was noting I could have done differently for me and I know that. She just was not listening or ready to believe anythign I was saying.

That was my experience, sometimes it's not anythign we do. Sometimes their fear is such that they don't listen to what we say really.

Babs

 

[SunChariot]

That works for some but what about those who don't like being touched by people they don't know? I guess it would be safe, though, to ask "Do you mind if I touch your hand?" Then they could say yes or no.

I ask because I don't like people just touching me uninvited and I've known an awful lot of other people who aren't "touchy" either, so I think I'd ask first.

Yeah, I'm like that. It makes me uncomfortable to be touched by a stranger that I have no feelings for at all. I'm with you. I would ask first.

Babs

 

[Rasa]

I like to give the opportunity for them to look through the cards before we start. I give a choice between decks, and invite them to pick up the different cards and choose the one that seems appealing to them.

I think that that helps to relax some people, because it makes the cards less mysterious (than if I were just to pull a deck out of a non-descript bag and start shuffling), and gives them more of a sense of control, since they`ve chosen a pack themselves that looks pleasant to them.
Some people have taken the opportunity to ask about a card that makes them uncomfortable while looking through the deck, and then can feel more at ease about it when we start the reading.

If they`re nervous, I try to be upbeat and reassuring, and to chat a bit while we take turns shuffling the cards.

From my own point of view-- I might be nervous if I go to get a reading, not because Tarot is scary (I love it, of course!), or because I`m worried about hearing something bad will happen, but because of the sense of exposure I feel that comes from a stranger potentially being able to peer into my life, and perhaps see things that I don`t like about myself, or the idea that they might recognize things I`m in denial about (that darn ego of mine, gets nervous when it`s under scrutiny!).
I think there are all kinds of reasons a person might be fearful, and it`s important not to jump to conclusions about it, too.
One time, I jokingly told a woman, ``don`t worry, I`m not going to tell you you`re going to DIE, or anything,`` when she seemed apprehensive before the reasing, and she responded that she had come to see me because someone close to her had recently passed away, and she wanted to know about the changes that were happening in her life as a result. !Whoops!! I felt awful and apologized profusely, and have never brought up the death card pre-reading again, unless the client specifically mentioned it...

I had another regular client who was perpretually nervous, because she was a very strong Catholic having a major faith crisis, and was worried for her soul every time she came to see me, but kept coming anyways.
Wouldn`t you know it, every single reading I ever did for her, the Devil card featured prominantly. It didn`t matter how many times I talked to her about it being a symbol for her fears, and that it came up because she ties herself up in knots all the time over the things she`s afraid of (literally, the Devil, in this case!), and it stops her from doing a lot of things she`s drawn to, being a symbol for temptation and restriction both. She kept being afraid, and she kept coming back for more readings...

 

[Wendywu]

I have one extremely nervous sitter. I came here and asked about decks suitable for her, where the images wouldn't feed her fear. I ended up getting the Connolly. She is the only person I use it for but it's useful to know it's there, just in case. I am by nature calm, patient and can project this but it didn't work with her - she was fixated on the images in the cards, and couldn't get past the image well enough to hear what I was saying. My answer was to change the images. It worked She has readings and the utterly inoffensive, unscary cards in the Connolly are fine for her.

 

[nisaba]

I immediately become very calm and very much like my mother, giving out a calming voice and it works.

Yes. A calming presence is my main tool.

I ask because I don't like people just touching me uninvited and I've known an awful lot of other people who aren't "touchy" either, so I think I'd ask first.

I *always* respect people's personal space.