Torn between Christianity and... Something else?

[Emma313]

I'm struggling a lot with moving forward on my spiritual path lately. Wanted to see if someone else recognizes this?

It's like I have one foot in the Christian world and one foot in the ”spiritual” world or whatever you want to call it. Since my childhood/teen years I've been drawn to ”witchy” stuff. I used to borrow witchy/wicca books from the library, always felt drawn to the energy of the moon, and did little spells, etc...

Then I became Catholic and for a few years I was a devout Catholic (I still used tarot though lol!). This kind of ended when I couldn't ignore how hypocritical the church/priests could be at times. I lost all inspiration of going to mass because the heavy judgemental preachings made me mad and felt so far away from love (and God IS love so church should be about love!). Just my personal thoughts, I hope I don't offend anyone.

And now I'm lost because again I am drawn to the witchy/spiritual world, but also scared that maybe it IS in fact ”evil” like the church teaches? I want to go deeper into exploring my spirituality, meditation, reiki (would love to do the step 1 course!), connecting with earth, stars and the moon, work with the moon phases... But at the same time I believe in Jesus, God, Mother Mary... And what if I will get punished (??) for not being enough monotheistic?

I'm not really drawn to going to church, talking/listening to priests, and well not even reading the bible to be honest, but I don't want to leave the church officially since it's family tradition to be Catholic. Since I'm not devout, should I just leave the church completely? Or can I stay as a member but live my own spiritual life meanwhile? Those thoughts are spinning around in my head lately. I have trouble getting them straight.

I tried to get to the core of my beliefs. All I could think of was that I truly feel like all religion is "correct" so to speak. It doesn't matter if you pray to Ganesha, Shiva, Allah, the Universe, Source, Jesus, etc because God will hear that prayer no matter what you call him/her.

I'd just love to talk to someone who has felt the same, now or a long time ago doesn't matter. Any thoughts for a confused woman?

(Edit: Just to be clear, there's no pressure at all from my family to be Catholic, none of them go to church or pray on a regular basis. )

You need go find your own beliefs, its as simple as that, whatever you are happy with or whatever you understand makes sense to you personally to go lead a meaningful life that includes a spritual religious life or whatever you want to call it if you want one that is

Im eclectic (ie believe any system that makes sense) and agnostic(know i dont know)

Which means I both believe in "God" and dont and beleve a whole host of other stuff that the traditional churches shun but i still have respect for the orignal churches ...they just dont inspire me

I have had many experiences but no proof they werent all out of my own head and heart



Dont worry about it is all I would say, as they say all roads lead to God they say if thats where you want to end up lol

You can listen to all and make up your own mind

 

[canid]

I'm everything. And nothing. But regarding the Bible, there are many more pro-divination passages than con. Urim and Thummin, dice, sticks, etc. I posted a list here a long time ago...

 

[mingbop]

Citrin you sound a very spiritual person. But you don't need to choose either Christianity or Wicca, you could choose to be a Spiritualist. No holy book, no dogma, no set rules. Just an enduring awareness of the spirit world..

 

[alainaobrien]

Citrin after seeing your Instagram post this morning (well, my morning), I stumbled upon this thread. I'm so happy to see you are taking steps in the direction your spiritual soul is taking you. I love this thread, I'm so happy I'm not the only one that feels this way.

I myself was raised Christian, in a non-denominational, broad, convenient sense. (My parents are former Catholics.) Through my high school years I clung to my religion, my beliefs. I never delved very deep in to the religion itself, which I think is exemplary of the situation I was in: just a bland, vague belief that I had to believe in Jesus/God/the Holy Spirit to not be damned to hell.

When I went away to college, I met so many people of different religions that my own beliefs began to crumble: why was I special? Because I believed in a certain God I would go to heaven but my friend who worshipped any number of the Hindu gods would be damned to hell? My Jewish best friend would never make it to heaven? This basic statement led me to unravel my Christian beliefs. I never did much religious research, it was all based around this logical argument of geography and culture and politics that I couldn't get out of my head. And I felt, much like you said, God is love, how can Christianity be so exclusive and elitist?

A fear of death and hell held me to watered down Christian beliefs until I was about 25 when I met a lot of Christians in the real, working world, and was astounding at what terrible, unloving people a number of them were. What shocked me most is that they used God in their ignorant arguments, and I could not believe that God felt the way they claimed.

Anyway, this is getting long. Current status: a broad kind of spirituality where I think almost anything is possible, we all come from the same God/source/one, reincarnation is likely what happens when we die, I enjoy celebrating the pagan high holidays/wheel of the year, and identify so much more with pagan traditions than any Christian ones I've been exposed to.

But, my mother is still a Christian. She gets freaked out when I bring my tarot cards around, or if I wear a mala. She thinks anything non-Christian is the devil (really). So it seems the solitary path is my path

So, I don't know, what is think is beautiful is that you are exploring your spirituality. A couple people said before me, it doesn't have to be just one thing. That's the beauty of spirituality. @sainwitchery on Instagram is a practicing Catholic, doesn't post much on it but she did get ashes in Ash Wednesday. Maybe you could message her.

Best of luck <3

 

[Tychis]

I think the search is natural, and I think all mortal impressions of Spirit/Divinity are going to be influenced by our personal and societal experience which makes our beliefs uniquely our own. Although at the same time, this requires community, not lordship over groups.

Ultimately spiritualism allows you to pull the things that feel right to you from all systems. Perhaps it's a focus on nature from Wicca, a love for Jesus and Mary & their teachings from Catholicism, a belief in reincarnation from Buddhism, etc. Perhaps every system starts out as a connection intended to convey new knowledge and ideas to mankind, although overtime, some people may twist or add their own interpretations for various reasons.

We've seen this in every religion in history, authors who add their own laws and core assumptions - whether it's based on trying to save lives (i.e., outlawing a food product that can't be safely consumed at that point in time or protecting people from excess exposure to the elements in arid environments) and overtime, some beliefs may get twisted for an individual's personal objectives.

In the end, we're all on our own journey yet together; and at the end of the day we just need to be true to ourselves - but coming from a place of love and compassion, not domination and ego.

 

[Citrin]

Alaina, thank you for your reply.

Seems like we share a lot from the past haha! I was also clinging to my Christian beliefs out of fear, and was also shocked seeing how Christians behaved and talked claiming they were God's best children ugh... I don't know if I've mentioned it before but a priest actually tried to start a love relationship with me when I was 19 and he was 40. He always kept saying it was too difficult to stay away from me, and the next day he would preach for 100 people about how they were sinners and BAD for not going to church more often. It disgusted me so much and I'm still mad at him sometimes for being such a bad example...

With that said I very much respect Christians who are not hypocrites, but really come to their religion with a loving heart. I'm sure they are the majority, and I'm saddened we both met the bad examples...

Since I wrote my first post I actually feel a lot more at peace with my spirituality. I also feel that anything and everything is possible, and I'm just going with the flow. Since I was a child I have ALWAYS been drawn to "witchy" things. Even before I learnt what a spell is I did little spells when I was alone, and collected stones and other things I felt had energy in them. I just don't think that's a coincidence. It feels as right to me as believing in Jesus (which I still do), so hey, if it was evil I think the feeling would've been different.

 

[Citrin]

In the end, we're all on our own journey yet together; and at the end of the day we just need to be true to ourselves - but coming from a place of love and compassion, not domination and ego.

So true. I think we all need to trust that God/Universe/Creator /whatever will tell us what is the right path, and it will be a 100% unique experience! Even in Christianity people have very different experiences, someone might see Jesus and talk directly to him, someone else might just get a feeling when praying to Jesus and nothing "more extravagant", etc.

I'm actually glad that I had a year or two being very Catholic, it helped me connect with prayer and just thinking about the bigger questions in life on a deeper level. But it was right during that time, not it's 10 years later and things have changed and other paths are open for me...

 

[celticnoodle]

Citrin, I was born and raised Catholic in a very strong Catholic faith family. However, from the time I was very little, I knew the CC wasn't really for "me". I could see from the age of 6yrs- where all the preaching of how bad we were and going to burn in hell, but then on the flip side, God was so good and in his Greatness will love us no matter WHAT we did.." to be so hypocritical that I realized I just didn't fit in there.

I consider myself Catholic, but rarely go to Mass. However, there are a lot of Catholic things I hold onto because they are familiar to me and I like them. Such as praying the rosary, devotion to the B.M. and the Sacred Heart of Jesus and various Saints as well. I grew up in a devoutly practicing family--who also practiced all forms of divination and so I know that its not an evil thing. Personally, I don't believe in Hell, except the hell we make for ourselves.

I think you just need to find what makes you feel good spiritually and hold onto that. It can even be a mixture of things from various faiths. As long as you are a happy and kind person, and are good to those you encounter and hold onto the basic 'rule' of doing no harm to others, you have nothing to really worry about.

 

[Citrin]

I consider myself Catholic, but rarely go to Mass. However, there are a lot of Catholic things I hold onto because they are familiar to me and I like them. Such as praying the rosary, devotion to the B.M. and the Sacred Heart of Jesus and various Saints as well. I grew up in a devoutly practicing family--who also practiced all forms of divination and so I know that its not an evil thing. Personally, I don't believe in Hell, except the hell we make for ourselves.

I think you just need to find what makes you feel good spiritually and hold onto that. It can even be a mixture of things from various faiths. As long as you are a happy and kind person, and are good to those you encounter and hold onto the basic 'rule' of doing no harm to others, you have nothing to really worry about.

Thank you. <3 That makes so much sense to me right now. Why would God punish someone for making spells and burning sage during the full moon, but who is always kind, generous and hard working...? Sometimes we worry too much because of other people planting ideas of what will happen if we don't follow this and that. But why follow what others say when your own heart says something else?

I'm feeling a lot more relaxed and content since I wrote the first post here. I'm happy I've found so many like-minded people who've had the same struggles at one time...

Celticnoodle, I've always loved the rosary, but again, in these last few years felt like I "shouldn't" use it because I am not a "good" Catholic. I guess it sometimes comes down to me being a very all-or-nothing type of person haha! But I do think Jesus and Mother Mary are very happy seeing anyone pray and connect with their energies, not matter their spiritual choices otherwise...

 

[celticnoodle]

I'm glad you are feeling better about all this, Citrin.

Celticnoodle, I've always loved the rosary, but again, in these last few years felt like I "shouldn't" use it because I am not a "good" Catholic. I guess it sometimes comes down to me being a very all-or-nothing type of person haha! But I do think Jesus and Mother Mary are very happy seeing anyone pray and connect with their energies, not matter their spiritual choices otherwise...

Oh Citrin, of course you can continue to pray the rosary! I am definitely NOT a "good" Catholic and I love and pray the rosary all the time. I agree that Jesus and the BM are happy to see ANYONE pray and connect with their energies and their spiritual choice doesn't matter a bit! I also have some buddhist beads and I pray using them too--generally just repeating mantras on. I have various novena beads too-for the Catholic Saints. But sometimes, I just use them to pray like I do the Buddhist beads. I have also used the rosary beads in the same manner. I don't think it really matters, tbh. The fact is that I use them to help me to pray and this form of praying is a meditation. Meditation is ALWAYS good imo. It puts the person meditating at ease--thus making them feel peaceful. As a result, good energies are being released--and those good energies being released don't care if the person is Catholic, Buddhist, Jewish or Atheist. Good energies are just good energies. Its good for EVERYONE and EVERYTHING!