Upcoming cancer surgery & treatment. Recovery = DEATH?!?

[Pique Dame]

Everyone, I'm really freaking out right now. As I stated in my last thread (http://www.tarotforum.net/showthread.php?t=273325) I was recently diagnosed with stage 1, grade II Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (breast cancer). I'm having surgery on Thursday to remove the lump and have a sentinel lymph node biopsy. They're also going to perform what they call an "onco dx" on the tumor itself to see what kind of treatment will be best for me. Initially, my Dr was saying I will need radiation for 3-6 weeks, depending on whether there's any lymph node involvement, and then hormone suppression therapy for 5-10 years. But depending on the onco dx score of the tumor, I could need chemotherapy before doing radiation. I also had some genetic testing done on myself to see if I'm a carrier of any of the cancer-causing genes. If so, I may have to have another more invasive surgery in the near future. Right now, I'm mainly worried about the possibility of having to do chemo and/or a mastectomy. I was never worried about beating the cancer because it was found early and I'm an otherwise very healthy person. But I did some readings about how my treatment/recovery will go and well...let's just say the cards did not paint a very optimistic picture. I know everyone will say otherwise, but I need you to objectively look at these spreads and imagine what you would think if it were you reading for a complete stranger. These were all done using RWS unless otherwise indicated, reversals included, over the last week or so. I put a space between readings to keep them separate. The latest one was this morning and it was the worst one of all.

What will be the results of my genetic testing: 3 of Cups Rx and 10 of Pents - There's a bad gene that's been passed down (3/C Rx) through my family lines (10/P). It may or may not be one of the 2 BRCA genes, but the test is definitely going to find something in my blood lines.
What will be the results of the onco dx? Queen of Wands - the tumor is likely an aggressive one and will need to be treated aggressively.
What are the chances I'll be able to keep my breasts? Empress - finally some good news. A symbol of sexuality and femininity, she heralds good things for keeping The Girls.

How will my surgery go? 6 of Cups - happy, successful, I may even get lots of flowers and gift baskets from people. Plus, my parents will be here with me and there's the familiarity aspect.

How will my recovery go? Tower - Ouch. This is not going to be a good recovery. Makes me wonder if there's more devastating news news on the way or, at best, my family being here will just create a lot of chaos and stress while I'm trying to recoup.
What can I do to make my recovery easier on myself? Fool - Go outside, have fun. Don't wallow in my room with the shades drawn like an invalid.
How will radiation go? 7 of Cups Rx - Hard to say on this one. Could it be saying I won't be doing radiation, or it will be delayed due to needing chemo?

Will I end up needing chemo? Lovers Rx - Looks like I might. This is not a card of things going my way. A very difficult and heartbreaking decision.
Am I going to lose all my hair? Tower - Again with the Tower! A shock to your system and there are people falling out of it, so yes, my hair is all going to fall out.

How aggressive is the tumor? 3 of Pents - Normally, I would say not aggressive since it's a Pentacles card, but that suit seems to be the one the tarot uses to describe my cancer. The images on the card suggest that it's "at work" so it is building upon itself, but not the fastest-growing kind.
What are the chances my oncologist will recommend chemo? 9 of Pents - More pents. This card came up a couple of times when I asked about doing chemo. The women in flowing robes with a scarf on her head makes me think of a chemo patient, so I'm pretty sure that's what it's telling me.
Will it be merely recommended or will I *have* to do it? 2 of Swords - Again with a difficult decision. At this point, I can't promise I'll be amenable to doing it so my doctor and I may reach an impasse. Or the onco dx shows that it'll fall somewhere in the middle of the numerical score range and the decision will be a matter of personal opinion.

What kind of chemo will I need? Lovers - Interesting since this card appeared in reverse when asked whether or not I will need it. The angel Raphael shows healing, so whatever kind I end up needing will be aimed at doing that. Not much more info than that, though. I was hoping it would indicate a higher or lower dose or something that could be administered orally, like a pill.
How well will I tolerate it? Knight of Cups Rx - Not well. I will be depressed, nauseated, and very sickly.
How much success would I have preserving my hair if I use Cold Caps? 3 of Swords - Not much. They could be very painful and likely not reduce the amount of hair I lost.
Any chance I'll be able to preserve my hair? Justice - I see no, but it'll grow back eventually.
How well will I tolerate radiation? Judgement Rx - Also not well. Also a reversal so possibly delayed due to chemotherapy being part of my regimen.
How recovered will I be by the end of this year? 5 of Pents - Not. Still sick, possibly down and out financially from the cost of the treatment. Not looking good for me health-wise.
What can I do to ensure a full and smooth recovery? 9 of Pents Rx, clarified by Hierophant Rx - Is it saying I can't do anything? Is it beyond my power? Or is it telling me not to refuse the chemo (9/Pents Rx) or any treatments recommended by my Dr (Hiero Rx)?

(At this point, I picked the cards up and reshuffled them and the following spread is when panic started to set in...)
Where will I be in my recovery by next spring? Death - Oh. My. God. I know you all will say it's not literally death, but after seeing the 5 of Pents as my status this winter, I can't say for sure that's not what it's telling me here!!
(At this point I'm freaking out) Am I going to die?? 8 of Wands - Is this a yes? Does it mean a quick but painless death? Maybe not cancer-related, but something else is going to take hold of me?
Seriously, am I going to beat this? Judgement - Endings! Being called up to heaven, meeting the maker! Honestly, I don't see good things here at all!
WHAT do I need to do to beat this?? 3 of Pents - Could be showing me hospice care for all I know! Oh my God, I'm seriously freaked out now.

I'm sorry this is so long but I'm really scared now. I just don't see this ending well for me! I'm beyond being able to read for myself on it any more so I need some help.

 

[goddessof1967]

So sorry to hear this, I can only imagine how absolutely frightening this must be (I recently had an ovarian cancer scare so can relate a little bit).

Initially i thought I wouldn't go near this with a 10 foot pole but some of it spoke to me so I'll address those bits

What will be the results of my genetic testing: 3 of Cups Rx and 10 of Pents - There's a bad gene that's been passed down (3/C Rx) through my family lines (10/P). It may or may not be one of the 2 BRCA genes, but the test is definitely going to find something in my blood lines.

It will show that you have the gene.

What will be the results of the onco dx? Queen of Wands - the tumor is likely an aggressive one and will need to be treated aggressively.
What are the chances I'll be able to keep my breasts? Empress - finally some good news. A symbol of sexuality and femininity, she heralds good things for keeping The Girls.

I don't know what an 'once dx' means but if the tumor is aggressive it would be unlikely that you would keep your breasts. The queen of wands could also mean 'contained' then you might keep your breasts. (The queen of wands can be wild and passionate but she's not indiscreet).

Will I end up needing chemo? Lovers Rx - Looks like I might. This is not a card of things going my way. A very difficult and heartbreaking decision.

As a yes/no answer this would be a no, to me.

Am I going to lose all my hair? Tower - Again with the Tower! A shock to your system and there are people falling out of it, so yes, my hair is all going to fall out.

So, if you don't need chemo you won't lose your hair so this question is negated. And again as a yes/no the Tower is a no, to me.

How aggressive is the tumor? 3 of Pents - Normally, I would say not aggressive since it's a Pentacles card, but that suit seems to be the one the tarot uses to describe my cancer. The images on the card suggest that it's "at work" so it is building upon itself, but not the fastest-growing kind.

Again i would say contained.

How recovered will I be by the end of this year? 5 of Pents - Not. Still sick, possibly down and out financially from the cost of the treatment. Not looking good for me health-wise.

It makes sense that if you are going to need treatment, it will be take more than 6 months for a recovery.

What can I do to ensure a full and smooth recovery? 9 of Pents Rx, clarified by Hierophant Rx - Is it saying I can't do anything? Is it beyond my power? Or is it telling me not to refuse the chemo (9/Pents Rx) or any treatments recommended by my Dr (Hiero Rx)?

You will need to rely on the help of others, change your course current course of how you are living your life and let others help you. Even move home to family for the duration.

I really truly absolutely think that you are getting way ahead of yourself and becoming hysterical and that is what the last set of cards are referring to. They are just reflecting very real fears and can't get past that barrier. The cards are all over the shop because you are and you're making assumptions and interpretations on hypothetical results.

Wait to hear the biopsy results before you start pulling anymore cards. Force yourself to think and read on something else. Read for other people if you can't take your hands off the cards or start a small project that you can focus and read on. Do something to stop digging yourself into a pit.

 

[AnemoneRosie]

These cards all seem to me to confirm that, yes, being diagnosed with cancer is life-altering.
The thing is... you already knew that.

 

[jnett]

What can I do to ensure a full and smooth recovery? 9 of Pents Rx, clarified by Hierophant Rx

These two interpretations are just possibilities, I am glad you included this question.

It maybe that the 9 of Pentacles (rx) re-evaluate the situation... do more research, more effort is needed in looking at all options. Hierophant (rx): The Hierophant is about tradition... correct? Rx, Non traditional... maybe something experimental can be an option, something new, not the usual treatment or a more aggressive approach to traditional options.

 

[Pique Dame]

So sorry to hear this, I can only imagine how absolutely frightening this must be (I recently had an ovarian cancer scare so can relate a little bit).

Initially i thought I wouldn't go near this with a 10 foot pole but some of it spoke to me so I'll address those bits

I know it's not something most people would want to touch, but I appreciate you doing so anyway. I'm feeling much calmer now but still incredibly anxious about what the future of my treatment and genetic testing holds.

It will show that you have the gene.

I got tested for a whole panel of genes and I'm pretty sure it'll come back positive for at least one. I'm just really hoping it's not one of the BRCA genes.

I don't know what an 'once dx' means but if the tumor is aggressive it would be unlikely that you would keep your breasts. The queen of wands could also mean 'contained' then you might keep your breasts. (The queen of wands can be wild and passionate but she's not indiscreet).

Onco dx is a genetic test they perform on the tumor looking for 20-some different genetic markers and they assign it a numeric score based on their findings. If it's 1-18, it's considered low and the treatment regiment is radiation and hormone therapy. If it's 19-30, it's considered to be in the middle. If it's 31 or above, it's high and the treatment is chemotherapy and then radiation. Middle scores depend on which end of the spectrum they fall closer to and sometimes it becomes a matter of the doctor's personal opinion. I have a feeling mine will choose the more aggressive treatment since I'm so young and have enough years left that there's a greater chance of recurrence. I know the Q of W is more aggressive when she's in reverse, so I don't get the most negative vibe from her upright, but she still means business. Perhaps "assertive" but not "aggressive."

As a yes/no answer this would be a no, to me.

That's encouraging. Also, since the Lovers is about choice, the onco dx score could be smack dab in the middle and either my doc or I will choose not to do chemo.

So, if you don't need chemo you won't lose your hair so this question is negated. And again as a yes/no the Tower is a no, to me.

I hope you're right. But this could just be indicating the result if I choose to go forward with chemo.

Again i would say contained.

Looking back, I think this was the Thelema version rather than RWS, if that changes anything. Instead of 3 people holding architectural plans, it's one woman painting. She seems very calm and peaceful, so that's a good sign for not being aggressive.

It makes sense that if you are going to need treatment, it will be take more than 6 months for a recovery.

I'm trying to figure out how ready I'll be for holiday parties and such. There are so many events being planned already, so I'm really hoping not to miss any more than I have to. If I do radiation only, it won't be for more than 6 weeks and will start mid-June, so I'd be done by August. If I do chemo, it could be a month or 2 longer depending how many treatments I need. So, this being my status at the end of the year seems to indicate I'm still recovering from treatments, and that makes me think chemo will, in fact, be involved. At best, I'm just a bit needy financially and/or literally just cold because it's winter and my circulation sucks.

You will need to rely on the help of others, change your course current course of how you are living your life and let others help you. Even move home to family for the duration.

I can see 9/P Rx as relying on others. Upright she's independent and self-reliant, so reverse could be saying not to do that. But my family lives 8 hours away so I definitely won't be moving home with them anytime soon.

I really truly absolutely think that you are getting way ahead of yourself and becoming hysterical and that is what the last set of cards are referring to. They are just reflecting very real fears and can't get past that barrier. The cards are all over the shop because you are and you're making assumptions and interpretations on hypothetical results.

Wait to hear the biopsy results before you start pulling anymore cards. Force yourself to think and read on something else. Read for other people if you can't take your hands off the cards or start a small project that you can focus and read on. Do something to stop digging yourself into a pit.

I know I need to stop pulling cards on this. I thought about talking to a professional reader to get a more objective opinion but I don't think I should be putting any money towards non-medical things at the moment.

These cards all seem to me to confirm that, yes, being diagnosed with cancer is life-altering.
The thing is... you already knew that.

I did know that, yes. The amount of majors support it, too. I just don't like the card combos that are coming up. It's making me believe the road to recovery will not be as straightforward as I thought.

These two interpretations are just possibilities, I am glad you included this question.

It maybe that the 9 of Pentacles (rx) re-evaluate the situation... do more research, more effort is needed in looking at all options. Hierophant (rx): The Hierophant is about tradition... correct? Rx, Non traditional... maybe something experimental can be an option, something new, not the usual treatment or a more aggressive approach to traditional options.

I was planning on asking my Dr if I qualify for any clinical trials. Maybe there's a new drug still being evaluated and I could take part in the study.

 

[SA12]

Ok, disclaimer: imho reading tarot for health questions, especially if there's a scary, life-altering thing like cancer happening -- you might be putting more stress on yourself for no reason, and stress = bad. My brother just went through cancer treatment about a year ago, and I deliberately held off on doing readings, because initially when I did so, everything I saw looked catastrophic in the cards -- even though he's now fully healthy. I totally get wanting to read the cards, but don't go over-board -- try as much as possible to center yourself and trust your instincts...

What will be the results of my genetic testing: 3 of Cups Rx and 10 of Pents

Hmm, well I am inclined to agree family heritage -- but the 3 of cups rx stops me. It doesn't 'flow' to the 10 when it's rx. Ergo, for the sake of tarot study, I'm wondering if there isn't an external factor in that 3 of Cups (I saw the other thread -- and no, it's not white wine! But maybe the bc implant you were on messed with things?)

What will be the results of the onco dx? Queen of Wands

Actually, I think this strong Queen is you -- the Dr. is going to have good news about your prognosis, especially since the QoW has ample vitality to begin with.

What are the chances I'll be able to keep my breasts?

Empress - I agree -- looks good.

How will my surgery go? 6 of Cups

- I agree with your interp! This looks good....

How will my recovery go? Tower

- Actually, I like the Tower for this, because this 'fire' card could show the radiation frying the shit out of the cancer. The Tower burns away the unnecessary crap in our lives -- and so for your health, this is scary now, but you will come out on the other side better than ever. Also, a life-altering diagnosis tends to change a person's perspective in general, so maybe 'recovery' is going to mean a big life-style change beyond physical health.

What can I do to make my recovery easier on myself? Fool

- I agree with having fun and not wallowing over what you cannot control. There is also a 'carpe diem' element to the Fool, encouraging you to take a break. Mini-trips, vacation -- whatever is feasible. This recovery is not just about your body, but also your mind and spirit, and thinking about what it is you want out of the 'adventure'...

How will radiation go? 7 of Cups Rx - Hard to say on this one. Could it be saying I won't be doing radiation, or it will be delayed due to needing chemo?

Ehh...I think this card might be saying not to get ahead of yourself. 7 of Cups normally is about fantasy, and I notice that when you rx it, reality is often more distorted (hence what I was saying before about the tendency to "see" catastrophic things in health tarot).

Will I end up needing chemo? Lovers Rx - Looks like I might. This is not a card of things going my way. A very difficult and heartbreaking decision.

Lovers rx can also mean choosing 'not' or 'not having' something.

Am I going to lose all my hair? Tower - Again with the Tower! A shock to your system and there are people falling out of it, so yes, my hair is all going to fall out.

I'm gonna say 'no' not if you don't end up having chemo (which is possible given Lovers rx). Now...should things change, take a deep breath -- it definitely does grow in again, so the 'loss' is not forever! My brother lost his hair (chemo in spring/summer 2015), and by New Years 2016, you'd never guess. Granted, he's a dude with a regular guy-haircut, but for us ladies, there are cosmetic solutions to keep looking gorgeous until your natural locks are ready to shine again.

How aggressive is the tumor? 3 of Pents - Normally, I would say not aggressive since it's a Pentacles card, but that suit seems to be the one the tarot uses to describe my cancer. The images on the card suggest that it's "at work" so it is building upon itself, but not the fastest-growing kind.

Pentacles go slow, and you caught it early, so I think this is a good bet for not aggressive. Opportunistic, yes, but it won't be growing once it's nuked.

What are the chances my oncologist will recommend chemo? 9 of Pents - More pents. This card came up a couple of times when I asked about doing chemo. The women in flowing robes with a scarf on her head makes me think of a chemo patient, so I'm pretty sure that's what it's telling me.

Mayyyybe I could see her recommending it as a 'precaution' -- but pentacles are conservative, so this might also mean another long-term drug treatment (i.e. the hormone suppression you mentioned above). That said, not all chemo is the same. Some people need multiple aggressive courses of it, but for others it's different (again, 7 of Cups rx says don't get ahead of yourself!) I think this card isn't telling you yes or no though -- but that your oncologist in whatever she recommends is going to have your best long-term interests at heart -- that's what matters.

Will it be merely recommended or will I *have* to do it? 2 of Swords - Again with a difficult decision. At this point, I can't promise I'll be amenable to doing it so my doctor and I may reach an impasse. Or the onco dx shows that it'll fall somewhere in the middle of the numerical score range and the decision will be a matter of personal opinion.

This also says 'maybe' to me and 'wait and see'.

What kind of chemo will I need? Lovers - Interesting since this card appeared in reverse when asked whether or not I will need it. The angel Raphael shows healing, so whatever kind I end up needing will be aimed at doing that. Not much more info than that, though. I was hoping it would indicate a higher or lower dose or something that could be administered orally, like a pill.

You may not need it...

How well will I tolerate it? Knight of Cups Rx - Not well. I will be depressed, nauseated, and very sickly.
How much success would I have preserving my hair if I use Cold Caps? 3 of Swords - Not much. They could be very painful and likely not reduce the amount of hair I lost.
Any chance I'll be able to preserve my hair? Justice - I see no, but it'll grow back eventually.

A> Just about everyone is miserable during chemo -- it is nuking your body, after all. B> Cold Caps are really not a good idea for the sake of vanity, because if you're gonna do the chemo and go through that hell, then you want it to be able to go everywhere and pwn every nasty cancer cell. C> It absolutely will grow back if you lose it, but again, given your other cards here and the 'cause and effect' nature of Justice, I think you need to stop pre-empting things and focus on the present.

How well will I tolerate radiation? Judgement Rx - Also not well. Also a reversal so possibly delayed due to chemotherapy being part of my regimen.

Judgment rx is getting ahead of yourself...

How recovered will I be by the end of this year? 5 of Pents - Not. Still sick, possibly down and out financially from the cost of the treatment. Not looking good for me health-wise.
What can I do to ensure a full and smooth recovery? 9 of Pents Rx, clarified by Hierophant Rx - Is it saying I can't do anything? Is it beyond my power? Or is it telling me not to refuse the chemo (9/Pents Rx) or any treatments recommended by my Dr (Hiero Rx)?

5 of Pents is a state of despair -- but one that can be overcome if you learn to rely on the goodness of others. 9 of Pents rx needs to let people in her life -- whether that's good doctors, family, cancer support groups, friends, lovers -- the more the merrier! Positive energy is what you need! Hierophant rx also calls on faith and community. Yes, 'alternative medicine' is complementary as well, but the Hierophant rx is imploring you to look for help beyond yourself.

(At this point, I picked the cards up and reshuffled them and the following spread is when panic started to set in...)

Yeah, this is why self-health readings are not usually a good idea...

Where will I be in my recovery by next spring? Death - Oh. My. God. I know you all will say it's not literally death, but after seeing the 5 of Pents as my status this winter, I can't say for sure that's not what it's telling me here!!
(At this point I'm freaking out) Am I going to die?? 8 of Wands - Is this a yes? Does it mean a quick but painless death? Maybe not cancer-related, but something else is going to take hold of me?
Seriously, am I going to beat this? Judgement - Endings! Being called up to heaven, meeting the maker! Honestly, I don't see good things here at all!
WHAT do I need to do to beat this?? 3 of Pents - Could be showing me hospice care for all I know! Oh my God, I'm seriously freaked out now.

Ok. Breathe.
Death is change. Think of the 'spring' before the flowers show up -- you know winter is over but everything's still a little grey and 'bleh'...so you might feel that way after this, but the flowers are weeks away from coming out again, and the 'end' of the health problem means you can flourish, perhaps even better than you were before.

8 of Wands, no. Vitality, fire, energy -- not dying.

Judgement - 'Rising again' - yes, you can beat this. And doing so will probably translate into making other life changes...

3 of Pentacles = Teamwork. Doctors, nurses, cancer support counselors, friends, family, lovers, etc. You need to stop 9 of pents rx-ing and hierophant rx-ing and focus on co-creating your treatment plan. Also, this 3 echoes the Empress -- all can and will be well again.

I'm sorry this is so long but I'm really scared now. I just don't see this ending well for me! I'm beyond being able to read for myself on it any more so I need some help.

Right now I want you to put down your cards, call up a girlfriend or two and go out. Then, at your next appointment, please have your doctor put you in touch with someone who can help you through this often-traumatic and terrifying process. You should not feel alone, or attempt to go through it alone. My brother (he had testicular cancer) had what he called a 'cancer coach' -- and it helps to have a non-related 3rd party who will listen to your anxieties and not judge you. As much as our loved ones are awesome, their fears can sometimes project on us (it's only natural), so having the support of a counselor can make managing the darker moments a little easier.

But seriously, but down your cards on this topic -- I saw many signs that imho point to your anxiety carrying the reading -- and you need to cultivate love and laughter and joy right now -- not fear. <3333 I'll be sending you good vibes....

 

[Pique Dame]

Thank you so much for the detailed response, SA12. Your interps helped instill more peace in my obviously tormented psyche. Yes, I know it's not a great idea to read for health problems and there are some readers who won't go near that topic. I'm glad to hear your brother is fully healthy. I did read for my dad when he was dxed with prostate cancer last fall and it showed a long and arduous recovery, which he is currently doing (cancer-free but definitely not free of the effects of the radiation). Reading for myself looks like a different story. I haven't been worried all that much this whole time. Everyone keeps telling me how well I'm handling it and how much they admire my spirit, and I haven't ever doubted my ability to beat it until I did this reading yesterday. I see the Death card in my own health reading and I automatically assume the worst. It just made my heart stop and my stomach fall to my knees. Panic mode = activated. I'm going to make a deal with myself not to read about this any more until at least after my surgery.

Hmm, well I am inclined to agree family heritage -- but the 3 of cups rx stops me. It doesn't 'flow' to the 10 when it's rx. Ergo, for the sake of tarot study, I'm wondering if there isn't an external factor in that 3 of Cups (I saw the other thread -- and no, it's not white wine! But maybe the bc implant you were on messed with things?)

My hunch is it's the bc implant, especially with Empress Rx as the tumor's cause. Cancer is fairly prevalent on my dad's side of the family, though, so it's highly likely they'll find *something* and 10 of P suggests it's being passed down through generations. So hard to say for sure here with this combo, but I'm hoping it's external and, therefore, no need for a prophylactic mastectomy.

Actually, I think this strong Queen is you -- the Dr. is going to have good news about your prognosis, especially since the QoW has ample vitality to begin with.

It could actually be my Dr. She seems very vivacious and stylish, almost like a Beverly Hills surgeon.

Empress - I agree -- looks good.

Good.

- I agree with your interp! This looks good....

Well, I know for a fact I will be getting at least one gift basket on the day of surgery.

- Actually, I like the Tower for this, because this 'fire' card could show the radiation frying the shit out of the cancer. The Tower burns away the unnecessary crap in our lives -- and so for your health, this is scary now, but you will come out on the other side better than ever. Also, a life-altering diagnosis tends to change a person's perspective in general, so maybe 'recovery' is going to mean a big life-style change beyond physical health.

That's true with the fire element (radiation). Also someone else pointed out is the Tower can mean a cleansing of the bad. The lightning bolt could be striking down of the cancer itself. Another possibility is the chaos I'm expecting to happen when my family gets here already. I'm not really looking forward to having that many people in my space while I'm trying to recover from surgery, but they all kind of decided they were coming and didn't even ask me if I was OK with it. I'm quite stressed about it, actually, and dreading them being here now.

- I agree with having fun and not wallowing over what you cannot control. There is also a 'carpe diem' element to the Fool, encouraging you to take a break. Mini-trips, vacation -- whatever is feasible. This recovery is not just about your body, but also your mind and spirit, and thinking about what it is you want out of the 'adventure'...

I've been going out every chance I can get and I'm hoping to feel well enough to do more of it by Saturday or Sunday. If my family is being loud and not letting me rest, though...

Ehh...I think this card might be saying not to get ahead of yourself. 7 of Cups normally is about fantasy, and I notice that when you rx it, reality is often more distorted (hence what I was saying before about the tendency to "see" catastrophic things in health tarot).

Hmm. Not quite sure how to read it. So far, all the cards I've drawn about radiation have been reversed. I wonder if the 7/C rx might represent focusing on something specific. It could mean the radiation will be very localized on the target area. Maybe?

Lovers rx can also mean choosing 'not' or 'not having' something.

I'm starting to think this, too, now. If she gives me the option of chemo or not, I will probably say no.

I'm gonna say 'no' not if you don't end up having chemo (which is possible given Lovers rx). Now...should things change, take a deep breath -- it definitely does grow in again, so the 'loss' is not forever! My brother lost his hair (chemo in spring/summer 2015), and by New Years 2016, you'd never guess. Granted, he's a dude with a regular guy-haircut, but for us ladies, there are cosmetic solutions to keep looking gorgeous until your natural locks are ready to shine again.

Hair loss is the #1 I'm stressing about, more so than the cancer itself. I just can't wrap my head around it. I know it's vain, but it's almost summer and I want to pull my hair back and go boating and lay out by the pool without looking like a sickly, bald cancer patient.

Pentacles go slow, and you caught it early, so I think this is a good bet for not aggressive. Opportunistic, yes, but it won't be growing once it's nuked.

Lol @ "nuked." Pentacles do grow slowly, but my tumor is grade II, which isn't the slowest growing cancer. It's already grown from .6 cm the day of the ultrasound to .95 as of my MRI just over a week ago. Now that my bc implant is out, perhaps the growth will slow down a bit since it does contain hormone receptors, meaning my hormones were feeding the tumor.

Mayyyybe I could see her recommending it as a 'precaution' -- but pentacles are conservative, so this might also mean another long-term drug treatment (i.e. the hormone suppression you mentioned above). That said, not all chemo is the same. Some people need multiple aggressive courses of it, but for others it's different (again, 7 of Cups rx says don't get ahead of yourself!) I think this card isn't telling you yes or no though -- but that your oncologist in whatever she recommends is going to have your best long-term interests at heart -- that's what matters.

This could be that, or I wonder if the lady in the 9/P is OK going without it. She's self-sufficient, so maybe she doesn't need anything in addition to the original treatment plan.

This also says 'maybe' to me and 'wait and see'.

It's a very ambivalent card. Doesn't come up for me too often so I'm not great at interpreting it in every context. Kind of supports the duality and air element in Lovers, though. So could be a choice to be made, in which case I'd likely choose no.

You may not need it...

Hope not.

A> Just about everyone is miserable during chemo -- it is nuking your body, after all. B> Cold Caps are really not a good idea for the sake of vanity, because if you're gonna do the chemo and go through that hell, then you want it to be able to go everywhere and pwn every nasty cancer cell. C> It absolutely will grow back if you lose it, but again, given your other cards here and the 'cause and effect' nature of Justice, I think you need to stop pre-empting things and focus on the present.

If I end up having to go through it, I'm pretty sure I will do the caps. I know they don't work for everybody but it's the only consolation I have regarding this whole process.

Judgment rx is getting ahead of yourself...

How so? Like the 7/C Rx?

5 of Pents is a state of despair -- but one that can be overcome if you learn to rely on the goodness of others. 9 of Pents rx needs to let people in her life -- whether that's good doctors, family, cancer support groups, friends, lovers -- the more the merrier! Positive energy is what you need! Hierophant rx also calls on faith and community. Yes, 'alternative medicine' is complementary as well, but the Hierophant rx is imploring you to look for help beyond yourself.

Well, already I'm facing a lot of expenses. I was looking into freezing my eggs at the recommendation of my oncologist (just as a back-up plan in case natural conception doesn't happen, and that's IF I decide I want children someday) but as of this afternoon, insurance has denied coverage for it. If I decide to go through with it anyway, my savings will likely deplete and I will be living like a pauper again in order to re-save and attempt to buy a condo later this year. FML.

Ok. Breathe.
Death is change. Think of the 'spring' before the flowers show up -- you know winter is over but everything's still a little grey and 'bleh'...so you might feel that way after this, but the flowers are weeks away from coming out again, and the 'end' of the health problem means you can flourish, perhaps even better than you were before.

I tried to tell myself it meant change, end of recovery, death of the cancer, a brand new life, etc. But I just couldn't get why the cards would show me this after the 5 of Pents as my status mere months before.

8 of Wands, no. Vitality, fire, energy -- not dying.

I sure hope so.

Judgement - 'Rising again' - yes, you can beat this. And doing so will probably translate into making other life changes...

I again tried to tell myself it was a second birth, but my anxiety was already too far gone at that point.

3 of Pentacles = Teamwork. Doctors, nurses, cancer support counselors, friends, family, lovers, etc. You need to stop 9 of pents rx-ing and hierophant rx-ing and focus on co-creating your treatment plan. Also, this 3 echoes the Empress -- all can and will be well again.

Yes, lots of 3's in here. Logically, I know this can be beaten and that the prognosis is very, very good. It's just the unknowns that are freaking me out right now.

Right now I want you to put down your cards, call up a girlfriend or two and go out. Then, at your next appointment, please have your doctor put you in touch with someone who can help you through this often-traumatic and terrifying process. You should not feel alone, or attempt to go through it alone. My brother (he had testicular cancer) had what he called a 'cancer coach' -- and it helps to have a non-related 3rd party who will listen to your anxieties and not judge you. As much as our loved ones are awesome, their fears can sometimes project on us (it's only natural), so having the support of a counselor can make managing the darker moments a little easier.

Luckily I had already made plans with a girlfriend for later that night. It was a relief having her come over for wine and comfort food. My Dr gave me a whole booklet of groups and classes available to me at no charge, and I have what's called a Nurse Navigator who basically functions as my point of contact for a lot of the process. I also have my regular therapist every other week. My friends have been great, too. I have a very large support network and I'm very, very lucky.

But seriously, but down your cards on this topic -- I saw many signs that imho point to your anxiety carrying the reading -- and you need to cultivate love and laughter and joy right now -- not fear. <3333 I'll be sending you good vibes....

Thank you for the vibes. I agree, I need to only do things that make me feel happy and optimistic and tarot is just not one of those things right now. I immediately regretted it yesterday after pulling that card. And of course, the more I drew, the worse I felt. Like I said, I'm taking a hiatus from it until at least after my surgery and/or the results of all pending tests are known.

 

[Pique Dame]

UPDATE!

I'm back with an update on how some of these have panned out. My surgery was one week ago tomorrow and, while it was a very long and difficult day, it went very well, as the 6 of Cups predicted. The surgery itself short (<1 hr) but I saw the path report online yesterday and it said all the margins were clear and my lymph nodes were negative. I also got a lot of cards and gifts, including flowers/bouquets, that day and the rest of the weekend and they're still coming in the mail so the boy handing the girl flowers was especially descriptive.

Regarding the genetic testing, I found out this morning that I am negative for every single cancer-causing gene mutation! So 3 of Cups Rx does seem to indicate a lack of anything being passed down, and 10/P clarifier is good, solid genes.

Recovery-wise, I'm dealing with a lot of swelling and pain throughout the entire affected area, which I know is to be expected, but it's very hard doing most of my normal daily activities. I see my Dr for my post-op appointment on Friday so I'm expecting she'll give me more info then. Right now, I'm taking lots of pain relievers (both OTC and Rx) and trying to get over this hump as best as I can. Tower may just represent the shock/trauma my body is experiencing. I tend to heal slowly from injuries like that so I don't expect to feel normal for several months, possibly longer.

The only thing left to learn is the results of my oncotype dx, which will decide whether I'll need chemo or not in addition to the radiation. I'll find that out on Friday at my appt. So far, though, it's been all good news and nothing hideously out of the ordinary.

 

[goddessof1967]

That's fantastic news

 

[SA12]

I'm back with an update on how some of these have panned out. My surgery was one week ago tomorrow and, while it was a very long and difficult day, it went very well, as the 6 of Cups predicted. The surgery itself short (<1 hr) but I saw the path report online yesterday and it said all the margins were clear and my lymph nodes were negative. I also got a lot of cards and gifts, including flowers/bouquets, that day and the rest of the weekend and they're still coming in the mail so the boy handing the girl flowers was especially descriptive.

Regarding the genetic testing, I found out this morning that I am negative for every single cancer-causing gene mutation! So 3 of Cups Rx does seem to indicate a lack of anything being passed down, and 10/P clarifier is good, solid genes.

Recovery-wise, I'm dealing with a lot of swelling and pain throughout the entire affected area, which I know is to be expected, but it's very hard doing most of my normal daily activities. I see my Dr for my post-op appointment on Friday so I'm expecting she'll give me more info then. Right now, I'm taking lots of pain relievers (both OTC and Rx) and trying to get over this hump as best as I can. Tower may just represent the shock/trauma my body is experiencing. I tend to heal slowly from injuries like that so I don't expect to feel normal for several months, possibly longer.

The only thing left to learn is the results of my oncotype dx, which will decide whether I'll need chemo or not in addition to the radiation. I'll find that out on Friday at my appt. So far, though, it's been all good news and nothing hideously out of the ordinary.

HA! That's amazing news!!! (and hot damn I was right about the 3 of cups rx -- far out...) I'm so glad your recovery is going well thus far! Keep your spirits high and rest easy! <3