Journey into the unknown.......

[Tigerangel]

How some things just seem to happen for a reason

This week I experienced setting my intention on focusing achieving my aims and goals that I set for myself through bringing in my element that connects with me and asking for advice from a higher level guide or ancestral guide and also through sanskrit mantras.

The reason behind the title of this post is due to the fact that I ended up being the only one who attended this week.
Everyone had last minute things come so they had to cancel the class for this week, so it was basically one on one training this week, which I now feel was meant to happen, especially after having a very vivid dream about my teacher and waking up feeling very protective towards her, I understood the dreams meaning very clearly, and I feel this week was more of a bonding between us, as we have a lot in common, our mothers both suffered from the same mental illness and we both share the same element aswell as other things, and I did feel a strong connection towards her the first time I met her.
My guidance from my guide was that the only thing blocking me from achieving my goals is me, so I know what I need to do, so basically just get on with it.
We also did a Ganesh mantra to clear obstacles and lakshmi mantra for abundance.

After we sat for a minute in silence after the mantras I could actually hear the vibration in the room externally, and I also had the vision of a fish swimming in the silence with the second mantra.

We finished the session with an abundance song and dance, the song was very soothing and we did the dance movements a few times till I got the hang of it, even though I was the only one at the class this week it was very enlightening and fun, and after having the dream I had about my teacher and discussing what our guides advice was about our obstacles, I feel this gave a bond between us that produced the message received in the dream.

So I will plan to try and incorporate regular mantras into my schedule along with my meditations, as I really feel the mantras energy strongly.

Onwards and upwards to not being an obstacle within myself.

 

[Calayvie]

This week I experienced setting my intention on focusing achieving my aims and goals that I set for myself through bringing in my element that connects with me and asking for advice from a higher level guide or ancestral guide and also through sanskrit mantras.

The reason behind the title of this post is due to the fact that I ended up being the only one who attended this week.
Everyone had last minute things come so they had to cancel the class for this week, so it was basically one on one training this week, which I now feel was meant to happen, especially after having a very vivid dream about my teacher and waking up feeling very protective towards her, I understood the dreams meaning very clearly, and I feel this week was more of a bonding between us, as we have a lot in common, our mothers both suffered from the same mental illness and we both share the same element aswell as other things, and I did feel a strong connection towards her the first time I met her.
My guidance from my guide was that the only thing blocking me from achieving my goals is me, so I know what I need to do, so basically just get on with it.
We also did a Ganesh mantra to clear obstacles and lakshmi mantra for abundance.

After we sat for a minute in silence after the mantras I could actually hear the vibration in the room externally, and I also had the vision of a fish swimming in the silence with the second mantra.

We finished the session with an abundance song and dance, the song was very soothing and we did the dance movements a few times till I got the hang of it, even though I was the only one at the class this week it was very enlightening and fun, and after having the dream I had about my teacher and discussing what our guides advice was about our obstacles, I feel this gave a bond between us that produced the message received in the dream.

So I will plan to try and incorporate regular mantras into my schedule along with my meditations, as I really feel the mantras energy strongly.

Onwards and upwards to not being an obstacle within myself.

I'm on my phone which is probably why I can't see the title of your post...[emoji53]
You said that you were an Air sign before, is that your element that you are talking about connecting with? (Excuse my ignorance!) That's cool!!!![emoji2]

It sounds like it was a very special session for you and meant to be that it was one on one! Its great you connected with your teacher like that. I imagine that will help you in your lessons and journey quite a bit! [emoji1]

The mantra stuff is going over my head though! But it sounds pretty interesting and I'd be happy to read more about it! That's fantastic that it had such an effect for you and you can incorporate it into your daily schedule!
What an exciting week for you! [emoji4]

Its made me really happy to know you've had such a good session and week! [emoji1]

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[Calayvie]

I FINALLY caught up! I've read and enjoyed every post.

T.A. thank you for those pictures--what a beautiful place! So calming! And, I love crows. One thing about crows--if they do live in your area, they come to know WHO belongs and WHO does not. Even in the neighborhood. I saw this in a documentary once, and found that really interesting. We did at the time have crows nesting in our area. They were all around our property all the time. So, I began to pay more attention to them and sure enough, when I would hear their caw-caw-caw-caw, and look, sometimes I noticed that there were people walking down the street--who didn't live anywhere near us that I knew of. Sometimes it was the neighbors cat however, who was at first strictly an indoor cat. However, after escaping a few times to great outdoors, his owners gave up and now he is an indoor and outdoor cat. He is also very cat like--and a very good bird and mouse catcher. *sigh* Cats will be cats.

I always loved willow trees myself. The High School I went to had a long drive to the parking area and school and both sides of this drive they had willow trees. So, as you drove through it the willow branches with their soft green would rub across your car and it was just always so beautiful. This driveway was a few hundred feet long--and we must have had at least 20 of these beautiful willow trees on each side.

do continue to read about the jaguar and any other spirit animal you are drawn to. I think its part of the process to continue on our spiritual path too, when we take the time (and we should take the time to) learn about our spirit animals.

There are many offered online and there are also many books with cds/dvds, etc. that you can invest in. They probably aren't as good as being in a class with other students taught by a shaman--but it is a good way to at least immerse yourself into learning about shamanism till the day you can get to a real live class!

wow! thank you for this, Calayvie. I didn't know this. How sad though!
yep! so agree!!! [emoji106] Also, to help if you can with that animal. So many of them are on the endangered list. If you can find a fund that is working to help with that--even a small donation is good.

[emoji23] yes, sometimes it is difficult to believe. I think this is also just a part of the learning process though.

Sorry to hear you have a head cold. May it soon pass. A 3yr old. Ah! I have a 3yr old granddaughter. A very filled with A LOT OF RUNNING ENERGY AND MANY QUESTIONS 3yr old. They are enough to really keep you busy! But, they grow up so fast and each age is so very special. Do enjoy him while you are able to. Before you know it, he'll be a teenager and then bam! he's out of the house and on his own! *sigh* The hubby & I were talking this weekend about how fast our daughter grew up. One day she was 6...then all of a sudden a grown woman with children of her own! When did THAT happen?

T.A. thank you also for describing each shamanic journey. Very interesting! Oh, how I wish I had more time to really just sit back and read about them and then try them myself. One day soon though!

That's fascinating about the crows.
On a documentary I watched they were explaining about their calls and how they are basically a full language, with many different sounds/inflections and they communicate with each other almost constantly. You can only imagine the conversations they have! I think humans mostly have no idea how intelligent other creatures really are because we assume we are the only intelligent species, or so highly intelligent that others don't come close. But really, we know very little on some levels.

I'm often very aware of the animals in the neighbourhood, be it the birds, or the dogs. A certain type of bark from a dog let's you know something is out of the ordinary. And birds carrying on can let you know about a cat prowling around, or sometimes its a bird that shouldnt be in that part of the neighbourhood, in the local birds territories.
Around my house I have smallish birds like sparrows and starlings and behind me there are Currawongs, they are big birds [emoji15] bigger than magpies. I like them a lot, but I don't think they are very welcome in the littler birds territories! [emoji4]

I'm always aware of my cats' behaviour too, and I can tell if there's a strange cat in the yard (which I'll chase away) or someone at the front door. My cats are like an extension of my awareness. Its awesome!
My cats have growled like dogs too at strange noises! First time it happened was shortly after I moved here, there was a strange car out the front that made a noise, and I think my cats were being protective because I was fairly pregnant as well! I nearly couldn't believe it though!
They've done it again a few times since, over the last 3+ years, and just the other night a strange cat jumped on the colourbond fencing outside, and it spooked 2 of my cats for some reason, and they were both growling!! [emoji2]

Giving to a specific fund for my spirit animal is a great idea! I give a small amount monthly to WWF. Ive sponsored an animal at a zoo before as well. But I might look into a specific fund (probably in South America) for the Jaguar. Thanks for the idea!!! They would probably provide up to date information about the species, its habitat and its numbers/endangered status. [emoji4]
That would be fantastic!
When my son gets older I'd like to sponsor an animal maybe at the zoo for him but choosing a fund that works with the animal in the wild would be better!

I will have to look online for courses and info then, when I get time.

I try to enjoy my 3yo as much as I can. I know every moment will only happen once. But he does frustrate me a lot! He's "Spirited", and I'm currently reading a book about how to raise him well and keep all my hair! I've discovered I am Spirited as well, and match all his characteristics except for energy level, of which his is insane! I love him dearly though and we have lots of fun together. Its a great learning process, and its very hard, but it couldnt be any other way could it?

I'll come back later to write about my Journey last night. [emoji4]

I forgot to say, I love feeling physically connected to my environment/nature and the animals, as well as feeling spiritually connected to them. [emoji1]


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[Tigerangel]

I'm on my phone which is probably why I can't see the title of your post...[emoji53]
You said that you were an Air sign before, is that your element that you are talking about connecting with? (Excuse my ignorance!) That's cool!!!![emoji2]

It sounds like it was a very special session for you and meant to be that it was one on one! Its great you connected with your teacher like that. I imagine that will help you in your lessons and journey quite a bit! [emoji1]

The mantra stuff is going over my head though! But it sounds pretty interesting and I'd be happy to read more about it! That's fantastic that it had such an effect for you and you can incorporate it into your daily schedule!
What an exciting week for you! [emoji4]

Its made me really happy to know you've had such a good session and week! [emoji1]

Sent from my R5 using Tapatalk

Even though my astrological sign is air my element is fire, and I actually work alot with flames when I do my silversmithing hobby.

I need to leave for work just now, if you like I can explain what mantras are in abit more detail later on?, but right now I need get my last day of work over then I'm on a 2 week holiday yay

 

[Calayvie]

Even though my astrological sign is air my element is fire, and I actually work alot with flames when I do my silversmithing hobby.

I need to leave for work just now, if you like I can explain what mantras are in abit more detail later on?, but right now I need get my last day of work over then I'm on a 2 week holiday yay

Oh OK I'm glad I didn't just assume it was air without asking then!

Whenever is good for you works for me! Don't feel obliged either if you're busy, I can Google it [emoji4]
This forum has turned out to be better than expected and I Thankyou so much Tigerangel for starting this thread. [emoji2]

Yay holidays! I hope you enjoy them!

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[Calayvie]

I just want to share my journey last night and a new animal spirit guide. It started with a sign.

About 6 months ago I was at a friends and I saw a wasp drop a spider. It was a spider hunting wasp, little black wasp, and it had dropped a big redback spider (black widow in america, one documentary I watched said they are the same spider but I've also read that they aren't so I'm not sure?!) Anyway the wasp persevered and came back and collected the spider.
I also saw while I was there a bee being attacked by ants.
So I figured I had just seen a sign, more like an omen or a message. A creature capable of defense being overcome by another creature is what I saw from that but the message puzzled me a lot. It was so weird to see both those situations in the one day at the same place. I was a little worried too!

It would have been a couple of months later that I saw a spider hunting wasp carrying and then dragging a big redback spider into a gap in the brickwork on my back concreted area in my backyard. Talk about ballsy wasps! And the redback must weigh twice the weight of the wasp! Well now I start thinking it wasn't so much the situation but the species involved and maybe their story, that contained the message. I don't really think the bee and the ants were a coincidence, but it may have made me more aware of the wasp and spider incident so that I would take more notice. The idea of message/omen/sign had to be triggered, and it was.

Next, maybe a month ago while I was outside I found one of our resident redbacks on the hot water system, looking limp. To me she looked paralysed, or had just died, but she had some tone to her body still so I guessed paralysed. Stupidly, but with the intention of ending her suffering, I squashed her, asking for forgiveness and hoping I was doing the kindest thing. Well maybe 5 minutes later a little black wasp comes looking for the spider in the web! I felt really bad. But then another part of me thought "well, now the wasp can go find another, and that will be another less redback in the yard".

Since then I had a dream.
There wasn't anything before or after it that I recall, just the crystal clear imagery of a redback moving its legs around trying to avoid a wasp trying to get at it. Now I'm really taking notice!

So then I was wondering what this could mean, is it the relationship between the 2 creatures that matters, or is one of the creatures trying to give me a sign? Is the wasp or spider a guide?

My son is obsessed with spiders, he looks up spiders in books and we talk about them and he knows lots of types of spiders. Sometimes every spider he sees or talks about is a "redback spider", like its his favourite or something! And we did have some redbacks in the yard, 2 around the hot water system, and a couple elsewhere. Where I saw 1 or 2 in open areas where my son may accidently get in contact with, I killed them. But I felt bad and made sure he knew not to touch the ones we left alone. And now I feel better about leaving the ones we left because there is a natural predator for them. I respect nature and only kill things if I have to, if risk of harm to my son, my cats or myself. In the last year I have thought hard about the redbacks, safety, my spirituality and respect for life. If they were funnel web spiders, well I'd be scared s***less and want to kill them all! Funnelwebs are deadly aggressive wandering spiders. Redbacks stay in their webs and aren't aggressive. Their bites may cause a bad reaction but are mostly excruciating. Still, its been a hard decision and taken a lot of faith and some prayer!

The other night I realised that the female redbacks that are taken by these wasps could have eggs ready to hatch, or spiderlings to protect.
I killed that redback thinking I was doing a good thing but her life and death was wasted by me and another redback would be sacrificed to the wasp and she could have an egg or spiderlings too. A mummy and her babies. I cried. I'm starting to understand the message. This hits me hard because my mum died when I was four, and left behind my brother and I. And only in the last 2 years or so am I facing my grief and trying to come to terms with it and the whole situation. Its f*****d up.
And I think the redback is trying to help me make sense of the cruelty, yet the neutrality, of nature, and what happened to me.

So, last night I went on a Journey to see if a redback spider was waiting for me and had a message or something.

I found her, and I chatted to her a little, and then asked her to join me. Her energy came into me (I wasn't creeped out by her crawling onto my hand either!) and I shapeshifted into a redback spider, and I was tending to my egg. I was then attacked and stung by a wasp. Paralysed but still aware I was carried away to a wasp nest/burrow, where I was placed and left there for ages next to an egg. The egg hatched and I was slowly eaten up by the larva of the wasp, and there was a sense of purpose, and then a sense of peace when I finally passed. The passing on frightened me a little but I was aware of my jaguar and wolf with me and felt protected and safe then. I came back to me but still felt the redbacks energy in me.

That was amazing! The shape shifting was amazing! And I'm in awe and reverence for this beautiful, yet dangerous, delicate and predatory, yet not immune to being prey, redback spider. And the bravery of the wasp, the risks taken and the heavy catch hauled home, to feed her babies.


And I am eternally grateful for her help, and that of the wasp, in understanding and accepting the harshness of nature, yet the beauty and sacrifice. I still have a long way to go, but I know I'm not doing this alone!



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[Tigerangel]

I just want to share my journey last night and a new animal spirit guide. It started with a sign.

About 6 months ago I was at a friends and I saw a wasp drop a spider. It was a spider hunting wasp, little black wasp, and it had dropped a big redback spider (black widow in america, one documentary I watched said they are the same spider but I've also read that they aren't so I'm not sure?!) Anyway the wasp persevered and came back and collected the spider.
I also saw while I was there a bee being attacked by ants.
So I figured I had just seen a sign, more like an omen or a message. A creature capable of defense being overcome by another creature is what I saw from that but the message puzzled me a lot. It was so weird to see both those situations in the one day at the same place. I was a little worried too!

It would have been a couple of months later that I saw a spider hunting wasp carrying and then dragging a big redback spider into a gap in the brickwork on my back concreted area in my backyard. Talk about ballsy wasps! And the redback must weigh twice the weight of the wasp! Well now I start thinking it wasn't so much the situation but the species involved and maybe their story, that contained the message. I don't really think the bee and the ants were a coincidence, but it may have made me more aware of the wasp and spider incident so that I would take more notice. The idea of message/omen/sign had to be triggered, and it was.

Next, maybe a month ago while I was outside I found one of our resident redbacks on the hot water system, looking limp. To me she looked paralysed, or had just died, but she had some tone to her body still so I guessed paralysed. Stupidly, but with the intention of ending her suffering, I squashed her, asking for forgiveness and hoping I was doing the kindest thing. Well maybe 5 minutes later a little black wasp comes looking for the spider in the web! I felt really bad. But then another part of me thought "well, now the wasp can go find another, and that will be another less redback in the yard".

Since then I had a dream.
There wasn't anything before or after it that I recall, just the crystal clear imagery of a redback moving its legs around trying to avoid a wasp trying to get at it. Now I'm really taking notice!

So then I was wondering what this could mean, is it the relationship between the 2 creatures that matters, or is one of the creatures trying to give me a sign? Is the wasp or spider a guide?

My son is obsessed with spiders, he looks up spiders in books and we talk about them and he knows lots of types of spiders. Sometimes every spider he sees or talks about is a "redback spider", like its his favourite or something! And we did have some redbacks in the yard, 2 around the hot water system, and a couple elsewhere. Where I saw 1 or 2 in open areas where my son may accidently get in contact with, I killed them. But I felt bad and made sure he knew not to touch the ones we left alone. And now I feel better about leaving the ones we left because there is a natural predator for them. I respect nature and only kill things if I have to, if risk of harm to my son, my cats or myself. In the last year I have thought hard about the redbacks, safety, my spirituality and respect for life. If they were funnel web spiders, well I'd be scared s***less and want to kill them all! Funnelwebs are deadly aggressive wandering spiders. Redbacks stay in their webs and aren't aggressive. Their bites may cause a bad reaction but are mostly excruciating. Still, its been a hard decision and taken a lot of faith and some prayer!

The other night I realised that the female redbacks that are taken by these wasps could have eggs ready to hatch, or spiderlings to protect.
I killed that redback thinking I was doing a good thing but her life and death was wasted by me and another redback would be sacrificed to the wasp and she could have an egg or spiderlings too. A mummy and her babies. I cried. I'm starting to understand the message. This hits me hard because my mum died when I was four, and left behind my brother and I. And only in the last 2 years or so am I facing my grief and trying to come to terms with it and the whole situation. Its f*****d up.
And I think the redback is trying to help me make sense of the cruelty, yet the neutrality, of nature, and what happened to me.

So, last night I went on a Journey to see if a redback spider was waiting for me and had a message or something.

I found her, and I chatted to her a little, and then asked her to join me. Her energy came into me (I wasn't creeped out by her crawling onto my hand either!) and I shapeshifted into a redback spider, and I was tending to my egg. I was then attacked and stung by a wasp. Paralysed but still aware I was carried away to a wasp nest/burrow, where I was placed and left there for ages next to an egg. The egg hatched and I was slowly eaten up by the larva of the wasp, and there was a sense of purpose, and then a sense of peace when I finally passed. The passing on frightened me a little but I was aware of my jaguar and wolf with me and felt protected and safe then. I came back to me but still felt the redbacks energy in me.

That was amazing! The shape shifting was amazing! And I'm in awe and reverence for this beautiful, yet dangerous, delicate and predatory, yet not immune to being prey, redback spider. And the bravery of the wasp, the risks taken and the heavy catch hauled home, to feed her babies.


And I am eternally grateful for her help, and that of the wasp, in understanding and accepting the harshness of nature, yet the beauty and sacrifice. I still have a long way to go, but I know I'm not doing this alone!



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That sounds like you had an amazing journey and gained alot of insight from it, if I remember right when you have a spider totem and it bites you it's a message to watch your thoughts and feelings as your now at that stage where your are able to manifest your thoughts in reality alot quicker than before, your basically weaving your own destiny now so it's up to you watch and monitor your thoughts for what you want to manifest for future.

I think spiders are also about death and rebirth and it's sounds like you did that, I know there's something called a shamanic death but I'm not to sure of the details about that, but it's seems this journey has put behind the past and helping you move on to the future.

I'm glad you had such amazing journey and hope any of your future ones are just as awe-inspiring ☺

 

[celticnoodle]

That's fascinating about the crows.
On a documentary I watched they were explaining about their calls and how they are basically a full language, with many different sounds/inflections and they communicate with each other almost constantly. You can only imagine the conversations they have! I think humans mostly have no idea how intelligent other creatures really are because we assume we are the only intelligent species, or so highly intelligent that others don't come close. But really, we know very little on some levels.

oh yes, I so agree! In many ways, hte animals are much more aware then we are!

I'm often very aware of the animals in the neighbourhood, be it the birds, or the dogs. A certain type of bark from a dog let's you know something is out of the ordinary. And birds carrying on can let you know about a cat prowling around, or sometimes its a bird that shouldnt be in that part of the neighbourhood, in the local birds territories.
Around my house I have smallish birds like sparrows and starlings and behind me there are Currawongs, they are big birds [emoji15] bigger than magpies. I like them a lot, but I don't think they are very welcome in the littler birds territories! [emoji4]

yes, and it always amazes me too when I see the little birds chasing those big birds away! its always so funny to see!

I'm always aware of my cats' behaviour too, and I can tell if there's a strange cat in the yard (which I'll chase away) or someone at the front door. My cats are like an extension of my awareness. Its awesome!
My cats have growled like dogs too at strange noises! First time it happened was shortly after I moved here, there was a strange car out the front that made a noise, and I think my cats were being protective because I was fairly pregnant as well! I nearly couldn't believe it though!
They've done it again a few times since, over the last 3+ years, and just the other night a strange cat jumped on the colourbond fencing outside, and it spooked 2 of my cats for some reason, and they were both growling!! [emoji2]

yep! all animals will be protective of their owners and of their babies/s.o. too. funny how they can be!

Giving to a specific fund for my spirit animal is a great idea! I give a small amount monthly to WWF. Ive sponsored an animal at a zoo before as well. But I might look into a specific fund (probably in South America) for the Jaguar. Thanks for the idea!!! They would probably provide up to date information about the species, its habitat and its numbers/endangered status. [emoji4]
That would be fantastic!
When my son gets older I'd like to sponsor an animal maybe at the zoo for him but choosing a fund that works with the animal in the wild would be better!

yes, it is a cool way to help out wildlife. And money that can be used wisely too.

I will have to look online for courses and info then, when I get time.

I try to enjoy my 3yo as much as I can. I know every moment will only happen once. But he does frustrate me a lot! He's "Spirited", and I'm currently reading a book about how to raise him well and keep all my hair! I've discovered I am Spirited as well, and match all his characteristics except for energy level, of which his is insane! I love him dearly though and we have lots of fun together. Its a great learning process, and its very hard, but it couldnt be any other way could it?

I miss my daughter at ALL the ages. even the difficult ones...which was from about 12 yoa to 23.... Even then, we had some great times with her too and if we could go back, I wouldn't change a thing, because she turned out to be a great kid! We are very proud of her. But, yeah, I really miss the ages of 3 to about 12. at 3, she definitely had a mind of her own and she was funny too! We had no money back then, so she was with us all the time. I can still see her sitting at the table "pretending" she was doing homework when I'd be doing my college homework. (she'd be writing her abc's or trying...and writing her name--sort of....) Mostly imitating me, I think! kids are so much fun. Oh, how I really miss those days!!! And, sadly, I don't get to share in them with my grandbabies either--the youngest who is 3. Because we live so far from them. But, they apparently also like to imitate us. Esp. me - as I leave a pair of slippers there and they like to wear them and they'll say - "pretend I'm Nana!" Love it. But so wish I was there in person to see this too.

Trust me. You won't get much sleep anyway till your son is about 25. So, just enjoy him now and leave the housework be--just rest whenever he happens to! and, knowing 3 yr olds--who feel naps are not part of the picture anymore---I know it won't be much time for you to nap/sleep.

I did luck out there though, as our daughter LOVED to sleep! But, when she was awake--we were OUTSIDE in the fresh air, riding bikes, or running, jumping, climbing trees, etc. I kept her active. And, she was in the garden with me too-picking veggies and herbs and helping us to cook meals. Maybe all that tired her out.

I'll come back later to write about my Journey last night. [emoji4]

I forgot to say, I love feeling physically connected to my environment/nature and the animals, as well as feeling spiritually connected to them. [emoji1]


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I look forward to reading of your experiences too!

I haven't done a journey yet--(need time for it) - but while meditating on the rosary, my guide "Joe" did come to me and I felt like he was sitting right beside me. I could see him, feel him, and it was wonderful! Its been a long time since I've actually seen him. I do sense him now and again--but even that has been little really. It was very reassuring for me. Made my day.

 

[Calayvie]

That sounds like you had an amazing journey and gained alot of insight from it, if I remember right when you have a spider totem and it bites you it's a message to watch your thoughts and feelings as your now at that stage where your are able to manifest your thoughts in reality alot quicker than before, your basically weaving your own destiny now so it's up to you watch and monitor your thoughts for what you want to manifest for future.

I think spiders are also about death and rebirth and it's sounds like you did that, I know there's something called a shamanic death but I'm not to sure of the details about that, but it's seems this journey has put behind the past and helping you move on to the future.

I'm glad you had such amazing journey and hope any of your future ones are just as awe-inspiring ☺

Sounds interesting, I haven't done any reading on spider totems yet so I will have to have a look. My mum (adoptive) is visiting me for a few days at the moment so I haven't had any time to do much.

A shamanic death, I need to look into this too! I was scared that I could endanger myself at the time, which kind of brought me a little back, and then I was aware of my jaguar and wolf, but I'm not sure if I ruined the moment a little with my initial fear.

Thinking about the journey now is like it was a dream, but different. Its really weird. I think about it often. Its so real! Like, I did that! I can't really explain it. My other journeys so far are a bit like this as well. So easily remembered, so vivid and clear, not forgettable and vague like dreams. I'm so blown away by this experience!

When my son talks about redback spiders I want to tell him about my journey and my spirit guide but he wouldn't really understand yet. I feel so connected to redback spiders now. Its amazing!

A whole new world is opening up to me its really cool [emoji4]

I'm not sure what I've left behind. I'm worried about "dwelling" in the past vs grieving, I'm not done grieving, I haven't even been to her gravesite yet, which I've only just managed to locate. I'm worried I'll collapse on her grave and not be able to get up. I'll want to dig her up and just hold her. To hold her with none of her pain, and none of her baggage, just mum.
And I'll have to take my son...

And there's still records I want and family members I want to search for. And my deceased brothers gravesite. Records that need amending like mums death cert which is full of errors.
Such a messy road ahead and I'm just stumbling along... Taking a big breather at the moment.


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[celticnoodle]

btw, reading through this last page again, I wanted to offer some thoughts on shamanic death. I'm not a shaman, but I've read so many books about this term and read many shaman's blogs that speak of this too as well as I've taken classes with shamans--so while I am NOT a shaman and definitely NOT an expert, I can possibly explain shamanic death to anyone who isn't sure of what it is.

A shamanic death isn't a literal death as most people see and experience death. It is more of a purification process. It can be done purposely by any person, whether you are on a journey to become a shaman or not. It can also be something that happens to you without you expecting it to happen.

If it happens to you in life, w/o you expecting it to occur, its like when you feel that you are going through an incredibly rough experience that you feel like you may die--or maybe wish you would die. It's an incredibly releasing and re-newing, - or re-birth sort of experience.

Its a way of making peace with all that has happened to you in your life experiences and letting go of any of the harsh feelings connected with these experiences. It makes you feel like you are reborn--and all of those harsh and bitter feelings are gone.

You can do meditations to lead yourself through a shamanic death and rebirth and sometimes it happens to you with life experiences and without you expecting it to occur. Basically though, its a great way to help you shed the dark energy that has been thrown at you and not hold any bitterness with all that. Let it slide off you and away and you are fresh and clean and new in spirit. Its a way to make peace with all that has happened to you and move on without the bitterness attached.

holding onto all the hurts that have occurred in our past, to every insult and hurtful thing that occurred to us is detrimental to us in many ways---health and spiritually so. Being able to let all this go and not hold any bitterness with it will help to heal you both body and soul. Its not an easy thing to go through, but oh so wonderful the feeling if you can do so!

to read of the experiences of some who have gone through this and shared their experiences, just google "shamanic death and rebirth". Lots of inspiring stories out there and it will help you to understand it better. You can also find much about it, including meditations to help you go through this on you tube.