Journey into the unknown.......

[celticnoodle]

(((Calayvie))) It does sound like you have a lot on you right now and I hope you are able to find some peace. Perhaps this thread that TigerAngel began will really help you. I hope so.

As far as you ruining the moment with your fear--no. I don't think so. You went as far as you were able to handle. its a learning journey still for you. So you will only go as far as you are able to handle and then the next time you are experiencing this--you'll go a bit further. T.A. and I both can assure you here, that your guides--both the power animal guides and other guides will always be with you and help you to experience just what you need at the moment and not any less or more then you can handle at the time.

Grieving is also a much needed experience for you to go through--and everyone grieves differently and for different periods of time. You will get there. Don't rush it. You need to experience it in your own time. So, if you need time before you pick back up on your spiritual journey to develop your abilities--thats fine too. There may be a day or a week or a month where all you do is work on this and at the end of that time you'll feel again like you need to step away from it and take a breather again. This is fine too.

You will NEVER run out of time to pursue this, even if you take YEARS off from it. You are the one who can decide when and how much and when to take a break. You are in charge of it and will always be able to decide for yourself when you are ready.

 

[re-pete-a]

I think spiders are also about death and rebirth and it's sounds like you did that, I know there's something called a shamanic death but I'm not to sure of the details about that, but it's seems this journey has put behind the past and helping you move on to the future.

I'm glad you had such amazing journey and hope any of your future ones are just as awe-inspiring ☺

A sharmanic death is where the ego is dropped ,sometimes forcibly..

One that I have knowledge of is the burying of the acolyte by the teacher, leaving only the head above ground....in a public place...where all and sundry help themselves to the opportunity to unload...any thing and everything...even the animals and insects can as well...

The acolyte either survives with a diminished ego or insane....

 

[re-pete-a]

If I may...
I'd like to recount a waking vision that I was given and share it with you.

Very strange and very very real experiences encountered .


I need your permissions to post it....

 

[Tigerangel]

If I may...
I'd like to recount a waking vision that I was given and share it with you.

Very strange and very very real experiences encountered .


I need your permissions to post it....

No one needs permission to post on this thread, it is intended as a communal thread for anyone that wants to share anything about there spiritual journey through life.

So please feel free to post

 

[celticnoodle]

If I may...
I'd like to recount a waking vision that I was given and share it with you.

Very strange and very very real experiences encountered .


I need your permissions to post it....

yes, please do share, re-pete-a. I'd love to read it and I'm sure others would too!

 

[re-pete-a]

Thanks for the thumbs up...
I'll post it tonight ...it's too cold now , evenings I light a nice n cosy warm fire...Then I can rattle the keyboard without seizing the digits...

 

[Calayvie]

btw, reading through this last page again, I wanted to offer some thoughts on shamanic death. I'm not a shaman, but I've read so many books about this term and read many shaman's blogs that speak of this too as well as I've taken classes with shamans--so while I am NOT a shaman and definitely NOT an expert, I can possibly explain shamanic death to anyone who isn't sure of what it is.

A shamanic death isn't a literal death as most people see and experience death. It is more of a purification process. It can be done purposely by any person, whether you are on a journey to become a shaman or not. It can also be something that happens to you without you expecting it to happen.

If it happens to you in life, w/o you expecting it to occur, its like when you feel that you are going through an incredibly rough experience that you feel like you may die--or maybe wish you would die. It's an incredibly releasing and re-newing, - or re-birth sort of experience.

Its a way of making peace with all that has happened to you in your life experiences and letting go of any of the harsh feelings connected with these experiences. It makes you feel like you are reborn--and all of those harsh and bitter feelings are gone.

You can do meditations to lead yourself through a shamanic death and rebirth and sometimes it happens to you with life experiences and without you expecting it to occur. Basically though, its a great way to help you shed the dark energy that has been thrown at you and not hold any bitterness with all that. Let it slide off you and away and you are fresh and clean and new in spirit. Its a way to make peace with all that has happened to you and move on without the bitterness attached.

holding onto all the hurts that have occurred in our past, to every insult and hurtful thing that occurred to us is detrimental to us in many ways---health and spiritually so. Being able to let all this go and not hold any bitterness with it will help to heal you both body and soul. Its not an easy thing to go through, but oh so wonderful the feeling if you can do so!

to read of the experiences of some who have gone through this and shared their experiences, just google "shamanic death and rebirth". Lots of inspiring stories out there and it will help you to understand it better. You can also find much about it, including meditations to help you go through this on you tube.

Thankyou for all that info celticnoodle. Its very interesting and exciting and i need to make time to read up about it. Time...my son sleeps well at night but he gave up daytime naps months ago. I used to read books while he napped and now I miss that. So i get about 2 hrs in the evening when he goes to sleep, and theres so much I want to do, its hard to decide what takes priority! But, I try to go with the flow of what my intuition tells me, and it feels really good to be guided by feelings/intuition rather than making myself do something ive allowed my mind/ego to prioritise. It also helps me to be more flexible and spontaneous (which I find hard). And housework does NOT get done in my "ME" time. If i dont do 'me' time for myself, i cant give my best to my son. *smileyface*
(im on the computer and cant work out the emoticons?! and wheres my autocorrect to make my "I's" capitals? *smileyface*)

 

[Calayvie]

(((Calayvie))) It does sound like you have a lot on you right now and I hope you are able to find some peace. Perhaps this thread that TigerAngel began will really help you. I hope so.

As far as you ruining the moment with your fear--no. I don't think so. You went as far as you were able to handle. its a learning journey still for you. So you will only go as far as you are able to handle and then the next time you are experiencing this--you'll go a bit further. T.A. and I both can assure you here, that your guides--both the power animal guides and other guides will always be with you and help you to experience just what you need at the moment and not any less or more then you can handle at the time.

Grieving is also a much needed experience for you to go through--and everyone grieves differently and for different periods of time. You will get there. Don't rush it. You need to experience it in your own time. So, if you need time before you pick back up on your spiritual journey to develop your abilities--thats fine too. There may be a day or a week or a month where all you do is work on this and at the end of that time you'll feel again like you need to step away from it and take a breather again. This is fine too.

You will NEVER run out of time to pursue this, even if you take YEARS off from it. You are the one who can decide when and how much and when to take a break. You are in charge of it and will always be able to decide for yourself when you are ready.

Thankyou for your kind words *smileyface*

i understand its the journey as well, not the destination. And I was excited and enthusiastic about the journey of grieving, finding myself amongst the grief, finding the little girl and finding a spiritual understanding of what happened, and I want to find that enthusiasm again. I worry that my grieving, and having this issue with myself, affects my ability to be the best mum I can be to my son. And so I kind of want to get to a point where Im not crying over things like the part in Neverending Story where Artax dies, or in Dumbo where Dumbo sits on his mums trunk and swings and they play that beautiful song. My son doesnt understand what Im going through and I dont want him to be concerned for me or feel to blame (I do reassure him that Im fine and will feel better after a little cry, and its the sad part of the movie, not him). I want to heal this huge wound so I can work on other aspects of myself as well. When I started tarot I read about shadow work and was so excited!! I couldnt wait! But Ive done very little besides inner child stuff and grief because thats my biggest wound/issue right now.
But its the journey isnt it? And it is amazing and awesome. And my son is part of that journey and he is a teacher to me, as are my cats, friends and family, and all you people here *smileyface*

And i have to go with the flow, of my feelings and intuition, and let that be my guide!
Thankyou for helping me realise this just now *smileyface*

 

[re-pete-a]

It's tonight already....OK here goes.


This experience took place over many hours...because I was experiencing everything in real time...




A few years ago I was awoken at approx 4 AM...I became restless and rolled onto my side...

To my amazement I saw this little light, something like a mayfly's. It was about as big as a match head...it seemed ever so small....Yet...
It popped , rattled, banged loudly, changed colours. Something like a childs colourful, rolling. lit up rattle... while all the time growing in size and intensity...it seemed far away and was approaching, fast...rattling, popping,flashing,roaring, banging.. .

It became so bright that I soon forgot where I was and became totally transfixed and involved with this pulsating great big orb that hovered right in front of my eyes and still growing in size...There was no I any more...

Transfixed, I could hear many things and many languages, many,many,many...so I listened intently ..so intently that all I was, was listening...trying to decipher, though never catching anything in particular...I was lost in listening , completely lost.

I then became something...an animated something...then another something...many somethings...until eventually I was a person, many persons . The one that caught my complete attention was in a very bad place, in a bad dream,yet so real...I could feel everything....Transfixed,frightened , scared,horrified, because something,I know not what, was going to get me...I became lost in the terrors and the emotional horrors surrounding me.

Somehow, I got slam dunked back into my ordinary aware state...I lay back down on the bed sweating ,scared of what just happened...I had no idea what was going on...I knew I was wide awake and that something just sucked me in and spat me out...and...that someone was in really big trouble somewhere...Yahhhh...!

I lay there for what I would suppose to be 15 to 20 minutes...

I was just starting to relax when a vision of 3 circles appeared in front of me...Something akin to a bulls eye target ...3 distinct circles...then when I had accustomed myself to those circles the very center contained a very small dark dot...I could just make it out...

OK, I thought ,what now...?

SLAM...

I was back into that vision...I was that person, that feeling, that horror and terror ...that person was experiencing all sorts of horrors...one after the other...Being wrapped in a web cocoon unable to move and eaten slowly by a Hugh spider.
Then shark bait...an octopus's meal...falling ,falling....run through with swords...many many horrors...betrayed and betraying...hangings...burnings...all of it very very personal.
I was in these bodies and felt every one of those terrors...bit by skin crawling bit...


Wham...I'm out of the vision ...on the bed....shaking, sweating, scared and terrified again.

In shock I just lay there confused ...

I heard...
"Existences, are the dot... held and bound in captivity, in a place of matter, forever, by FEARS...Self imprisoned by those fears. to forever experience those fears over and over again.

This ends the first circle..."


HUH...?


20 or so minutes later...

Wham ...
I'm back in that vision again only this time I'm experiencing communicating with all forms of life...carnate ,incarnate, spirit. I am a consciousness that knows exactly what the other forms are doing ...I FEEL the way they FEEL...I understand those feels which happen in an instant and that instant,were it to be translated, would take many many pages of writing for just one interaction...I just knew in an instant the whole picture and life of that consciousness...Free interactions...one after the other.

POP...
I'm back on the bed again . Only this time I'm not horrified...confused as to what was happening ,sure ,YES...bloody hell, yes!

"This is the Veil of consciousness...which surrounds the previous veil of fears..."

?????...?

another 20 minute spell...

SLIDEeee....
A much gentler slide into that same vision again...
This time I'm conscious of everything that has transpired thus far...From the first vision of horror all the way through to this part of the vision...every little step of the way, I experienced just how and what had happened.
From the twinkling little light through to this present point of observation...looking in from the outside with compassion waves thumping through me...

I 'm back on the bed...gasping in pleasure this time, as waves of love pulse through me.

"This is the Veil of forgetfulness...the one that all pass through to get into the cycles of existences... All will forget their base self...All that pass through to matter will be imprisoned until that veil of fears that guards existences is passed through ... Guard well your attentions and guard well what you fixate upon...Each veil MUST BE experienced to it's full."


Thus ended this vision....

After a while I got up and drew the three circles on the rooms menu and charge sheet...

My mind was wide awake now and not going to let me go back to sleep ...besides, it was almost dawn outside...
Many coffee's...much head scratching, plus worries about sanity...then remembered the veil of fears..
"OH YEAH...I get it ...that veil thingee...gee, I wonder if it's true for everything...I must remember to try it out...I'll re write it ..

I searched out another piece of blank paper to draw it out on , clearer this time . So I took my time to draw it...as i was concentrating I heard...
" The way in, is the way out...!

?????...?

So I drew an arrow ...it went towards the bulls eye . Then at the small dot I had the arrow bend in the middle to go through to the outside of the circles...An arrow that was bent at the center, at right angles or 90 degrees.

Many months later I realized that the breaks between those different levels was for my own sanities sake...if it happened all at once I'm sure I would not have been able to handle it...and would have lost the mental plot completely...
So a silent ,thank you, was sent to the UPPER MANAGEMENT TEAM for taking it easy on me.


I have lived it as it was given...It is very scary ...because the more fears one faces the bigger the obstacles of fear become...keeping one well away from the boundaries or limits of it's influences...
It has since become very clear that the survival instincts that all possess is part of this veil system of veils...
I have challenged this veil many many times...hence the understandings that trickle through to help bolster the courage to face ,as best I can, the proponents or keepers of these gates....There are more keepers on side with the system than there are willing escapees ... I have also found that those lost to the intellectual side of the mind are more lost and more deeply embedded into the veil as well....


back to the circles.....

On the outer circle I wrote...

"The Veil of forgetfulness..".

then.

" The Veil of consciousness"

the inner circle was

"The Veil of Fears"

Then the dot in the middle was named ..."Existence."

 

[celticnoodle]

Thankyou for all that info celticnoodle. Its very interesting and exciting and i need to make time to read up about it. Time...my son sleeps well at night but he gave up daytime naps months ago. I used to read books while he napped and now I miss that. So i get about 2 hrs in the evening when he goes to sleep, and theres so much I want to do, its hard to decide what takes priority! But, I try to go with the flow of what my intuition tells me, and it feels really good to be guided by feelings/intuition rather than making myself do something ive allowed my mind/ego to prioritise. It also helps me to be more flexible and spontaneous (which I find hard). And housework does NOT get done in my "ME" time. If i dont do 'me' time for myself, i cant give my best to my son. *smileyface*
(im on the computer and cant work out the emoticons?! and wheres my autocorrect to make my "I's" capitals? *smileyface*)

oh yes, very true that you need your "Me" time. Its true for us all and good for you for taking it!

as for the emoticons, if you take a look at the box below the last post on the page where you are posting, you'll see a box that starts at the left and says "Posting Rules" and more under it and to the side. Well, find the one that says "Similies are.." (either on or off) and select that. It will open a new tab showing all the similies you can add. As for the autocorrect to make your "I's" capitals-can't help you there, as I think it is different with each computer.

Thankyou for your kind words *smileyface*

i understand its the journey as well, not the destination. And I was excited and enthusiastic about the journey of grieving, finding myself amongst the grief, finding the little girl and finding a spiritual understanding of what happened, and I want to find that enthusiasm again. I worry that my grieving, and having this issue with myself, affects my ability to be the best mum I can be to my son. And so I kind of want to get to a point where Im not crying over things like the part in Neverending Story where Artax dies, or in Dumbo where Dumbo sits on his mums trunk and swings and they play that beautiful song.

(((Calayvie))) I understand. But, also realize that crying while reading stories or watching stories like that is okay too--as this is also a lesson for your son that crying at appropriate times is a good thing too. I STILL cry in Dumbo, (haven't seen the Neverending story in years! but we have seen Dumbo a few times recently with the grandkids), and I'm a cryer anyway.

My son doesnt understand what Im going through and I dont want him to be concerned for me or feel to blame (I do reassure him that Im fine and will feel better after a little cry, and its the sad part of the movie, not him). I want to heal this huge wound so I can work on other aspects of myself as well. When I started tarot I read about shadow work and was so excited!! I couldnt wait! But Ive done very little besides inner child stuff and grief because thats my biggest wound/issue right now.
But its the journey isnt it? And it is amazing and awesome. And my son is part of that journey and he is a teacher to me, as are my cats, friends and family, and all you people here *smileyface*

And i have to go with the flow, of my feelings and intuition, and let that be my guide!
Thankyou for helping me realise this just now *smileyface*

Yes, this is part of the journey and you will get there. OH, if we only lived in the perfect world where we had 36 or 48 hours to a day when needed, and we had elves who could come and do all the housework for us so we had the time to do all the things we wanted to do! Part of the journey is ALL of this. and, you're experiencing it and realize this is the journey. Your son will also learn a lot from watching how YOU handle it. keep that in mind too--its also part of HIS journey. His journey of growing up into a man. As much as he is a teacher for you-you are also his teacher. His FIRST teacher. It is amazing and awesome. cherish every moment of it.