Detecting Untrustworthy People

[G6]

Well, am sure I have brought this story up on AT before, about my younger sister.

When she was about 10 yrs or so there were these two kids she use to play with from time to time. Mainly the little girl rather then the brother. Their dad was absolutely doting on them and always good to my sister. Sometimes he would leave them by themselves, but always made sure they had everything they needed - even money.

She really liked him. I think everyone did. He was a hands on father and very protective of his family. A good all round type.

Anyways, one day she was over there playing and he left and returned, and on his return he asked if she could play there a bit longer as he had to go somewhere. He pulled out a wad of rolled notes and told her to do something like go to this near by "Adventure Park" if they all wanted - whatever they wanted to do for the day.

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary really except this time he let them know he was going to be a while and of course the wad of notes which was about $200 plus. She said they had the best day ever!

What she, and his kids didn't know, was that in the boot of his car was a dead body.


I think murderers come in all shapes and forms as well as levels of deception.

DND

Money is a good cover. It buys compliance. It buys silence. It buys...

 

[Disa]

I get vibes, but it's more whether I feel a connection or not with someone to pursue deeper involvement.

More of the detection is necessary for what are called "covert aggressives" essentially people that are very good at faking positive connections with others to gain trust and see what they can get out of them or how they can gain perceived social advantage by screwing them over.

These folks exist and they can come off as very nice and sociable in an authentic way.

These folks do exist, I agree. My mother is one, though it took me many, many years to see it because, well, she's my mom... These types of people set off alarm bells in my head. I don't trust the actions or words of many people, but I do trust the vibes I get.

 

[DownUnderNZer]

If my sister had witnessed anything - I am sure she'd be dead too. The money was to bide him some time so he could go and get rid of the body. He use to give them all $20 each here and there, so it was not uncommon for him to be generous.

My sister told me there was nothing in his behavior to make her feel it was "off ".

He had just murdered a man (not sure if it was his only victim) and was as cool as he usually was like any other time she had been there.

She had no idea he led a double life and neither did his kids I think.

Will ask my mum if she remembers the man's name - might not be anything on the internet as this happened back in the early 80's. But I am sure newspaper archives must have a story or two as it would have been a head liner back then.


DND

Money is a good cover. It buys compliance. It buys silence. It buys...

 

[DownUnderNZer]

This is the same sister that a lot cannot read. (Nowadays it is a bit better than it was years ago though).

Makes me wonder if that "incident" at a young age had anything to do with it actually, as in blocking her from being read, or some thing protecting her. Not sure.

DND

If my sister had witnessed anything - I am sure she'd be dead too. The money was to bide him some time so he could go and get rid of the body. He use to give them all $20 each here and there, so it was not uncommon for him to be generous.

My sister told me there was nothing in his behavior to make her feel it was "off ".

He had just murdered a man (not sure if it was his only victim) and was as cool as he usually was like any other time she had been there.

She had no idea he led a double life and neither did his kids I think.

Will ask my mum if she remembers the man's name - might not be anything on the internet as this happened back in the early 80's. But I am sure newspaper archives must have a story or two as it would have been a head liner back then.


DND

 

[celticnoodle]

Well, I take out a string of garlic and a cross and ...wait! sorry, that's vampires!

I wish this would work with all bad people and not just vampires!

THIS is true. For many people. Again, trust your vibes. I met this guy at a friend's brother's funeral. The friend thought the world of this guy because he was handsome, dressed well, smelled SO good. As soon as I met him I shook his hand and got that "repelling" sensation. I usually jerk my hand away but this time I waited a few seconds just for the natural progression of "stopping the handshake?"...Anyway, I got the sensation of drugs and that he was involved in the death of the brother. I had never met this guy and hadn't even seen the deceased for close to 10 or 15 years, I guess. Turns out, he worked with the brother, did drugs with him the night he died and may have had a hand at getting him home that night... I never fall for those types of people, appearances are NOT everything, I don't care how many people say it. I trust a hardworking guy in dirty shoes and paint all over his jeans more readily than a man dressed to the nines...just me.

Yikes about his involvement. And, I so agree with you re: the looks. So many people I know judge people by their looks too--and I tell them, "Just because they are all wrapped up so prettily doesn't mean a dam* thing. some poisons look nice too!"

By vulnerability I meant the deceptive/untrustworthy person uses this tactic to gain the victims trust.

Since we have everyone here in the US from all over the world and such a big population in general I guess it would make sense that we have more serial killers.

yes, perhaps.

These folks do exist, I agree. My mother is one, though it took me many, many years to see it because, well, she's my mom... These types of people set off alarm bells in my head. I don't trust the actions or words of many people, but I do trust the vibes I get.

Yep. I know they do too. I also have a mom that is much like this and though I *knew* it--I did my best to overlook it for many years--because she is my mom. I do love her very much and would like her in my life--but she is poisonous. She could be Donald Trump--very narcissistic. Sadly, my sister, too--who isn't narcissistic and not really exactly evil--just not trustworthy. Lets just say--if you're around them and have anything valuable....keep it very close to you ALL THE TIME.

I don't understand people like this really. What do they get out of being so awful to others in this way? Don't they see the hurt they cause? they are a bit of an enigma to me.

 

[G6]

Lets just say--if you're around them and have anything valuable....keep it very close to you ALL THE TIME.

I don't understand people like this really. What do they get out of being so awful to others in this way? Don't they see the hurt they cause? they are a bit of an enigma to me.

At base it is insecurity. They feel better about themselves by acting poorly to you and/or believe putting you down will raise them up in some way.

 

[celticnoodle]

At base it is insecurity. They feel better about themselves by acting poorly to you and/or believe putting you down will raise them up in some way.

yes, I think you are 100% correct, G6. I very much agree with this. again sad, though, isn't it?

 

[decan]

I think I have a foolproof method!!
Maybe this has been said I don't know: instinct + observation + time!
The perfect cocktail!

Sometimes instinct is there but not observation, or vice versa. And when there are instinct + observation patience can lack.
We aren't patient enough generally and we want to know too quickly. Very often I think that time has the last word because with time generally we are disappointed by people (my experience!)

 

[suk]

I don't think there is any foolproof method, unless you have had a lot of direct experience with unpleasant people.

Personally, I've had some very unfortunate experiences like this, in close succession to each other, to the point that I thought everyone I made friends with would turn out to be deceptive in some way. A lot of good things came out of them, of course, and the fact that I can tell what someone is like within minutes of meeting them is a valuable side effect.

Paying attention to your instincts is well and good, but sometimes your instincts lie to you. This happens because of your shadow side, and deep unconscious desires that you have. They can be anything, but most often they are a desire to be seen a certain way. You tend to be attracted to people who represent something you think you lack in yourself. That's why sociopaths can charm people so effectively, because most people just simply want to be charmed.

I honestly believe that unless you're willing to get your hands dirty, you'll never find out enough about how dark humans can get; and you'll always be at least slightly vulnerable to being deceived.

Another thing I should add is that often people don't mean to deceive you. They aren't even bad people, just human. You can find yourself trying to be a friend to them, and helping them, or think you are, and they can respond in ways that you didn't expect. In a case like that, you can't really blame the other person. You also can't have expectations tied into helping a friend. In fact, if you have that kind of train of thought, you have no business trying to help anyone, and it's better for you to sort your own stuff out first!

 

[Milfoil]

I honestly believe that unless you're willing to get your hands dirty, you'll never find out enough about how dark humans can get; and you'll always be at least slightly vulnerable to being deceived.

Another thing I should add is that often people don't mean to deceive you. They aren't even bad people, just human. You can find yourself trying to be a friend to them, and helping them, or think you are, and they can respond in ways that you didn't expect. In a case like that, you can't really blame the other person. You also can't have expectations tied into helping a friend. In fact, if you have that kind of train of thought, you have no business trying to help anyone, and it's better for you to sort your own stuff out first!

Very well put suk.

It really depends on what you mean by 'trustworthy' G6? A psychopath will be genuinely interested in you, for their own ends. Very charming, helpful, hard working, focused and all round not ringing alarm bells until either their plans no longer involve you, you are in their way or you need to serve their purpose. Only then do the gut instincts come into play. Guides may well not warn us about certain people because we have something to learn from them.

My advice is to learn how to read people, trust your gut instincts, avoid welcoming everyone into your life/head/space until they have proved themselves to be reasonable and genuine. That doesn't mean you become a hermit, only that psychologically, you keep a healthy distance mentally, spiritually and physically.

Be aware of what you are putting out which may be attractive to those who do not have your best interests at heart. Weakness, fear and cowardice attracts users, abusers and thieves. When you no longer 'need' others to complete your life, when you have looked into those scary places of fear and despair, coming out the other side, knowing yourself with courage and strength, then you become less attractive to those seeking to take or abuse.

When a rapist is seeking out a new victim, they tend to have a set of rules which help them to single out an easy target. Long hair (so they can grab and control), small stature, fits their personal visual preference (age, hair colour etc), walking alone, body language suggests a meek individual who won't fight back. So it is with those who have no genuine concern for our wellbeing - we may simply fit their criteria for whatever purpose they have in mind (think - snake oil seller!). So what we present to the world is just as important as what information we seek from others.

Challenging people always teach us something about our weaknesses if we are honest enough to look into that painful place. What did the last one do? How did you invite them in? This is where I would start and by doing so, grow strong in yourself.