GotH
For me, it's avoiding eye contact. This is my biggest shield/defense.
Alcohol to Drown Out Vibration
For me, it's avoiding eye contact. This is my biggest shield/defense.
EmpressArwen
Same here!!
yannie
You know, I once prayed for the ability to sniff out the bullsh*tters. I think my prayers were answered in the affirmative 
Perhaps that's why I view being empathic as a blessing, not a curse. It started with meditation, which showed me that some of the thoughts and emotions I had weren't actually my own, and made me realise how they came to be there. Once I had that knowledge though, managing myself and my surroundings became easier.
Eye contact doesn't seem to be a problem for me. Thank goodness, for I can't really afford to not look people in the eye, lol...
Perhaps that's why I view being empathic as a blessing, not a curse. It started with meditation, which showed me that some of the thoughts and emotions I had weren't actually my own, and made me realise how they came to be there. Once I had that knowledge though, managing myself and my surroundings became easier. Eye contact doesn't seem to be a problem for me. Thank goodness, for I can't really afford to not look people in the eye, lol...
Flames
Please forgive me because I may be totally off...
BUT, I remember going on a spiritual retreat with a friend at that time. We were just getting to know each other. I considered her to be 'gifted'. I never looked at myself that way, btw. Ever. I'll explain more about what I mean a little later. But when she and I got there and looked out onto the field where a number of other people were - from all over the world - she said, "Oh no, now I have to deal with all of these people's crap and negative energy." And I thought - "Wow, you are one condescending woman, and you can't even see it. How about working on that ego." Personally, it was a very eye opening experience for me. She and I are not friends anymore. You're not an Empath if you talk and behave that way. It's not possible. Those are two different types of energy and they do not go together. You clearly haven't done the required work on yourself to even label yourself as an Empath. In fact, you shouldn't have to label yourself at all. You would just feel it and understand it and know that when you look out onto that field of people, you're looking at yourself, too. You're no more special than the next person and that's a very powerful thing to take note of.
She considered herself an Empath, as was described here on this thread. But I didn't see the Empathy. Being an Empath and feeling empathy for others are interconnected. Not everyone feels compassion for their fellow human being. No way. Not everyone chooses to practice this kind of compassion and understanding. Not everyone is willing to put themselves in another person's shoes. Not everyone is willing to face their shadow self and all the ways they lie to themselves and try to convince themselves they're better than the next person or that somehow they have their shit together more than the 'other' person.
And then there are Empaths, who feel other people's pains and worries. But don't think for one second that Empaths are exempt from oozing out their own sh*t and projections onto others. I never considered being an Empath, a gift, not because it isn't one - I don't claim to know. But when you feel that something - whether it be someone else's worry, fear, a pain or even a joy - there is no judgement involved. Judgment is not of the light but of darkness. Yes, it can make us sick to feel this pain. Yes, it can make us feel sad. Yes, it can make us feel downright awful just when we were feeling so happy and content. But does that mean, I don't have my shit together because I 'feel' these things? Because I'm somehow not shielding myself 'adequately' or 'properly'?
It begs the question - what IS the purpose of feeling these things if all we want to do is drown these feelings out? How is that being Empathic? I'm not saying we shouldn't make attempts to protect ourselves. What I am saying is that in that moment of 'heaviness', there is a lot I can *learn*. It may not be pretty. In fact, chances are it won't be. But, my heart can open and well up and well up to the point that I can feel more than I thought I could initially handle. I find that a merciful process. It humbles me. It brings me to my knees. I see what I am. I see that I am human. I see that I am not perfect. I see that being human can be a beautiful and an ugly thing and it's all a part of this life so I embrace it. I embrace it all. Because it's love I want to be putting out there, despite the pain.
I remember walking behind this girl and I was in a hurry to get somewhere and she was walking so slowly. I was getting angry. I thought - "Come on, what's the deal? We're not taking a stroll in the park", - and then I took one look at her legs. I don't know why. Her legs were 'normal' so I don't understand what *it* was I was reacting to. I suddenly felt this overwhelming sadness and I could have cried right then and there. But in that instance, my mind slowed down and I felt compassion for her. Even now as I think of her, I'm welling up. It's stupid, right? But no. It isn't. I rather feel *this* right here right now for her because it makes me feel that somehow she *needs* that kind of compassion even if it *seems* like this compassion is going nowhere or appears pointless and meaningless. I'd want someone to feel that way for me, too. Truth is, I must have seen a part of me in her or maybe it was Jesus or Mary...
I'm not saying everyone 'deserves' my compassion. And I can't even say this reservoir of compassion comes from me directly. I think it comes from a place so much bigger than me. Sometimes, in the moment, you don't have a choice in the matter. You feel what you feel and you make the best of it.
I'm sorry for the rant. I just had to share.
BUT, I remember going on a spiritual retreat with a friend at that time. We were just getting to know each other. I considered her to be 'gifted'. I never looked at myself that way, btw. Ever. I'll explain more about what I mean a little later. But when she and I got there and looked out onto the field where a number of other people were - from all over the world - she said, "Oh no, now I have to deal with all of these people's crap and negative energy." And I thought - "Wow, you are one condescending woman, and you can't even see it. How about working on that ego." Personally, it was a very eye opening experience for me. She and I are not friends anymore. You're not an Empath if you talk and behave that way. It's not possible. Those are two different types of energy and they do not go together. You clearly haven't done the required work on yourself to even label yourself as an Empath. In fact, you shouldn't have to label yourself at all. You would just feel it and understand it and know that when you look out onto that field of people, you're looking at yourself, too. You're no more special than the next person and that's a very powerful thing to take note of.
She considered herself an Empath, as was described here on this thread. But I didn't see the Empathy. Being an Empath and feeling empathy for others are interconnected. Not everyone feels compassion for their fellow human being. No way. Not everyone chooses to practice this kind of compassion and understanding. Not everyone is willing to put themselves in another person's shoes. Not everyone is willing to face their shadow self and all the ways they lie to themselves and try to convince themselves they're better than the next person or that somehow they have their shit together more than the 'other' person.
And then there are Empaths, who feel other people's pains and worries. But don't think for one second that Empaths are exempt from oozing out their own sh*t and projections onto others. I never considered being an Empath, a gift, not because it isn't one - I don't claim to know. But when you feel that something - whether it be someone else's worry, fear, a pain or even a joy - there is no judgement involved. Judgment is not of the light but of darkness. Yes, it can make us sick to feel this pain. Yes, it can make us feel sad. Yes, it can make us feel downright awful just when we were feeling so happy and content. But does that mean, I don't have my shit together because I 'feel' these things? Because I'm somehow not shielding myself 'adequately' or 'properly'?
It begs the question - what IS the purpose of feeling these things if all we want to do is drown these feelings out? How is that being Empathic? I'm not saying we shouldn't make attempts to protect ourselves. What I am saying is that in that moment of 'heaviness', there is a lot I can *learn*. It may not be pretty. In fact, chances are it won't be. But, my heart can open and well up and well up to the point that I can feel more than I thought I could initially handle. I find that a merciful process. It humbles me. It brings me to my knees. I see what I am. I see that I am human. I see that I am not perfect. I see that being human can be a beautiful and an ugly thing and it's all a part of this life so I embrace it. I embrace it all. Because it's love I want to be putting out there, despite the pain.
I remember walking behind this girl and I was in a hurry to get somewhere and she was walking so slowly. I was getting angry. I thought - "Come on, what's the deal? We're not taking a stroll in the park", - and then I took one look at her legs. I don't know why. Her legs were 'normal' so I don't understand what *it* was I was reacting to. I suddenly felt this overwhelming sadness and I could have cried right then and there. But in that instance, my mind slowed down and I felt compassion for her. Even now as I think of her, I'm welling up. It's stupid, right? But no. It isn't. I rather feel *this* right here right now for her because it makes me feel that somehow she *needs* that kind of compassion even if it *seems* like this compassion is going nowhere or appears pointless and meaningless. I'd want someone to feel that way for me, too. Truth is, I must have seen a part of me in her or maybe it was Jesus or Mary...
I'm not saying everyone 'deserves' my compassion. And I can't even say this reservoir of compassion comes from me directly. I think it comes from a place so much bigger than me. Sometimes, in the moment, you don't have a choice in the matter. You feel what you feel and you make the best of it.
I'm sorry for the rant. I just had to share.
yannie
You make some very good points Flames, thank you for articulating your thoughts 
Padma
That was awesome, Flames I am glad you shared!
I am glad you shared!EmpressArwen
That was lovely, Flames. I always appreciate your point of view.
I do also have compassion for those that want to drown it out...because I have been that person. Where you just want to feel less. I remember my first instance this happened to me. I was maybe 5 years old. I could feel this man's pain. He was just standing in line in front of me and I could just feel it coming off him. It was so much to take in. I cried for DAYS. I just wanted it to stop.
Being an empath has made me a very empathetic person. In school, I never made fun of people. I never picked on anyone. I always championed the underdog. How can you do anything different when you can actually feel the pain of the other? But then my parents got divorced and I had my OWN pain to deal with...it was too much. I couldn't take everyone's elses pain in and deal with my own so I turned to alcohol and drugs.
Same thing later in life, I could handle being an empath until my own life was in serious turmoil and then it was too much. I almost hated people for their pain. Your former friend may be a real asshole. I have no idea but I get that feeling of being overwhelmed with my own pain to the point that I would walk into a room and think "eff these people! I don't want their goddamn feelings!" Does that make me a terrible person? Maybe. Does that make me not an empath? No.
We are all humans trying to do the best we can. I think alcohol is a bad idea because I've been down that road. I wouldn't want anyone to go through that...but...I get it. I understand why sometimes people need to shut it down. It's not lack of empathy. It's survival.
I do also have compassion for those that want to drown it out...because I have been that person. Where you just want to feel less. I remember my first instance this happened to me. I was maybe 5 years old. I could feel this man's pain. He was just standing in line in front of me and I could just feel it coming off him. It was so much to take in. I cried for DAYS. I just wanted it to stop.
Being an empath has made me a very empathetic person. In school, I never made fun of people. I never picked on anyone. I always championed the underdog. How can you do anything different when you can actually feel the pain of the other? But then my parents got divorced and I had my OWN pain to deal with...it was too much. I couldn't take everyone's elses pain in and deal with my own so I turned to alcohol and drugs.
Same thing later in life, I could handle being an empath until my own life was in serious turmoil and then it was too much. I almost hated people for their pain. Your former friend may be a real asshole. I have no idea but I get that feeling of being overwhelmed with my own pain to the point that I would walk into a room and think "eff these people! I don't want their goddamn feelings!" Does that make me a terrible person? Maybe. Does that make me not an empath? No.
We are all humans trying to do the best we can. I think alcohol is a bad idea because I've been down that road. I wouldn't want anyone to go through that...but...I get it. I understand why sometimes people need to shut it down. It's not lack of empathy. It's survival.
Flames
Right, you feeling overwhelmed had to do with your own pain. It's not those people's fault that you feel their feelings, right? No, that doesn't make you a terrible person. Of course not. And it didn't make my friend a terrible person, either. I just sensed some arrogance in her voice and that's what I reacted to - a kind of 'superiority' that she now had to stand among other human beings who were each going through their own personal journeys and she now had to 'deal with their stuff'. It's like she either forgot she was in pain or rather, it became all about her and her own pain. She forgot they were human, just like her. And no, of course that doesn't make you NOT an empath. I think what I've been finding over the years is how a person can feel other people's pains and sorrows and yet, have no compassion for them whatsoever. To me, that feels incongruent. Because to be empathic, in my mind, is a verb, not just a state of being. So I think I just wanted to explore some of that. You know that I consider you my friend and a very dear one so I hope I've explained myself well. These things can be so hard to talk about. I meant no disrespect to you or anyone else.
Gosh, I didn't even mention the alcohol. Wasn't even on my mind, though that's what this thread is about.
I judge no one for doing the best they can. Like I said, I'm not perfect. I'm also doing the best I can. Please know that it wasn't my intention to single anyone out. These are thoughts that have been roaming around in my mind for a long while and I felt that now was a good opportunity to share. Sending lots of love your way. 
GotH
EXACTLY.. And no you are NOT a terrible person. You are doing what you need to do in order to not short circuit because chances are you already have at some point, like when you were 5 years old and didn't want that to happen again. Shit I have short circuited MANY times and let me tell you, IT'S NOT PRETTY. Just because you're an E doesn't mean you are automatically better than someone else, behave better than most or are expected to. It's just not so. In fact I know there are Es who use this ability in very dark ways.
I can automatically tell when I meet a true E or someone who easily plugs into others' vibes without being fake about it. There's usually a distinct electricity that goes through the roof when two or more of them come together. I have experienced this before with someone who was extremely positive and glowing and I can say it lit the room on fire. With that there are two people in this forum who automatically come to mind that I know would bring about the same effect- Our very own EmpressArwen and Padma are true Es.
EmpressArwen
Right, you feeling overwhelmed had to do with your own pain. It's not those people's fault that you feel their feelings, right? No, that doesn't make you a terrible person. Of course not. And it didn't make my friend a terrible person, either. I just sensed some arrogance in her voice and that's what I reacted to - a kind of 'superiority' that she now had to stand among other human beings who were each going through their own personal journeys and she now had to 'deal with their stuff'. It's like she either forgot she was in pain or rather, it became all about her and her own pain. She forgot they were human, just like her. And no, of course that doesn't make you NOT an empath. I think what I've been finding over the years is how a person can feel other people's pains and sorrows and yet, have no compassion for them whatsoever. To me, that feels incongruent. Because to be empathic, in my mind, is a verb, not just a state of being. So I think I just wanted to explore some of that. You know that I consider you my friend and a very dear one so I hope I've explained myself well. These things can be so hard to talk about. I meant no disrespect to you or anyone else.
Gosh, I didn't even mention the alcohol. Wasn't even on my mind, though that's what this thread is about.
Oh no! I'm sorry if I came off upset or something. Tone is hard to tell in text. I should have used emojis
Seriously. I love you and value your opinion ALWAYS. I was just throwing my take into the mix.I really didn't mean to come off as angry by what you said. I really wasn't. My vibe may have been affected by the fact that I had just discovered that my LAST avocado, the one that looked perfect, was actually rotten inside. Dang that pisses me off! haha
((hugs))
