FenestraThought said:
Sorry this took so LONG. but life was being unbalanced and made reading heard. I have to say.... it take more to read this way then it does to read Runes or Tarot.
I imagine this is very time consuming and energy consuming too! No problem on the wait, thank you for this reading.
Foundations:
At first I thought I was on concrete it was flat and barren. Then I noticed it was Ice, Thick Ice. I noticed a large tree stump one the edge of the ice and as I moved to look at the stump the ice melted and became a pond and the roots of the tree were half in the pond and half out. Out of the center of the tree was another Younger Tree growing a few feet, 3 or so, Tall. I'm not sure if this was because I was looking too long.. .but maybe I saw a snake move around in the bank of the pond.
well. thick ice. I do live in Vermont now, I wonder any correlation?
no, I believe what this is talking about is better described in fb in the portion below-
I would say that you have recently had a thawing in some major blockages in your life. Your foundations were blocked or frozen for a period of time. No growth No development and being "Blocked" from growing or developing. This may have been a dark or painful part of your life.
this is so. I had just begun to take off again, though slowly so.
The Large tree trunk being "Cut" says that you have also changed or lost a major foundational structure of your "Self" in your life. it was Removed, I may say that you removed it because it was a choice that was made to cut it away not an act of nature or accident.
well, sort of yes. I had no choice but to remove it. I went through a terrible time almost a year ago and was shocked at the harshness. In order to protect myself and move on, I had no other option, really.
And Ideology/belief/way of living that has been with you or that you believed in or practiced since very young in your life... (this was a large trunk)... The tree growing out of the center tells me that you are regrowing this way of thinking this "Concept" what ever it is. The tree sapling is a "new" way of doing an "old" concept. growing out of its old foundation as a new life from. This is something that may be a few years old and some how the thawing of your personal growth is connected.
It is actually less then a year old to be honest, if how I am connecting this to my life is correct, and I think it is. I have found a way to still hold onto the 'old way' but also to protect myself in the process and allow myself to grow more. In a sense, the new sapling you see is how I see myself too--I had to start over - and I am doing so now.
I feel that what every was blocking you or stopping you is now helping in some way nurture the growth of this tree.
only because it is in a sense all I have left of the 'me', I guess. I am more determined then ever to nurture this growth as it is a huge part of who I am and I will not lose this--or at least I do not want to lose this.
this aspect of you is also being nurtured by others, you have an aspect of your "Self" rooted in others or an outside "force".
new others. people are coming into my life now that are great teachers for me. Remember that saying, "when the student is ready the teacher will appear". They are appearing for me and I'm already reaping the rewards of this. It has been very good for me.
Whatever has Thawed or melted is also something you don't fully understand or trust or embrace with "blind" trust. . . the pond seemed to have a "dark" bank...I felt unease and distrust in the shadows. There are still aspects of the "Self" that you need to explore and make "Known" to you before you are completely "stable" in your "Self". I just get the feeling that you are taking a breather like this process has bee trying for you and you need to regain your energy before you do more. . .
very correct. I do not understand this. I trusted this before and had the rug pulled out from under me. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. So, I'm not as trusting there and I don't think I ever will be again. The pond does have a dark bank, and there is unease and distrust in the shadows. very interesting way to see this, but makes total sense to me.
I am still exploring myself, yes, and I'm not 100% stable yet--but getting there again, finally. It has been a terribly trying process for me, and left me quite ill and weak. But my strength is returning and I am beginning again to get on my way and I know I will make it.
Emotions:
I got a few different images.
You were sitting in the living room and staring out the window kinda dazed out and day dreaming about something and there were people in the house and there was some one else that was giving out refreshments and they kinda nudged you as to say "Come back to reality and pay attention to your guests, don't be rude" and you kinda just came back to reality.
I don't know that this was your house that I was in either. If it was I feel like this other person was just as much in control or more then you. I think you find your self in the presence of groups of people that you may not feel very "connected" with but you are put into these situations by others, you play along or go along with this for whatever reason, you feel obligated maybe ? but your mind is else where.
I know what this is referring too, and it was not my house--you are correct there. I know also the person to whom you are referring. this other person is the one who controls/controlled the reins. I thought I was connected strongly to these people, but recently see it was all a game at my expense. I felt obligated--in a sense still do, but in a different way. I no longer go out of my way to be with them. I do just the necessities - really I guess to keep up appearances, but I realize now that I have to follow my own path and that I also have to take care of me first and foremost. I AM IMPORTANT.
I get the feeling of being stage or in a theater but NOT wanting to be there or not wanting to experience the process of what the "Stage" entails, being seen, and being judged. I get this feeling of " I don't want people to watch me or to get in front others because then they will judge me" I do feel like you would like/or do to express your self though. that you would LIke/or do like to get on stage as long you could do it with out all the negative aspects that might/do come with that.
yes, I had to play the game and 'pretend'. Now I am not pretending anymore. I was judged. harshly too. I continued to express myself and payed a high price for it, but this turned out to be a good thing for me too. Out of every dark cloud comes a silver lining. As a result I am progressing. Slowly--but this is good too. I have pretty much cut out most of the negatives now, and, I realize that even tho there are always going to be some negativity, there are also a lot of positive things here and I can hang onto those!
I saw you clinging to a porch banister, not wanting to go inside your house. I have a feeling that emotionally there are aspects of your "Self" that you have not confronted. things that you fear. I got the feeling that you were "Dazed" out in some one else house and you have the "fear of being judged" and I think that maybe you have dreams and hopes but you know there are aspect of your "Self" that you have not come to terms with that are keeping you from being able to embrace those dreams and hopes.
wow! this is so accurate! amazing how well you capture this. Yes, I didn't want to go back inside that house--which was a huge part of my life and I am still dealing with all this. I think I am over it and then it comes up again for me and I have to re-battle through it all again. But each time I come out a bit stronger then before, and a bit more determined then before too. I know I'm not quite 'there' yet, but I am very close. I do have dreams and hopes---some that will not come true and some that are coming true. Those that are not, are in a sense not to be, and I have a hard time wiht that so obviously have not fully come to terms w/it. But I am getting there.
You allow your self to be distracted by others and you don't like the criticism of people that don't understand you or "get" you, because you feel like they are just making judgements off what they "See" and that angers you to some extent. . . but I feel that you are not completely being comfortable being in your own "house".
so true! so true.
The mind...
On the right side I saw a red swatch of paint, that had oranges and yellow that bled from it.
I would say creatively you like to express your self with bold strong colors. do you like to paint? I see you are passionate about your creativity and is also a medium that use to interact with others and you use your creative side or art as a way to help understand other or your self. there is an aspect of yellow to your creative side that says you put a lot of thought into what others may see as random or chaotic.
I use to paint. I use to draw and use all sorts of artistic mediums but stopped many years ago. I have other interests now that I pursue really. While I do like the colors you mentioned, I am more of an earthy color girl. I wear a lot of earthy colors and my home is decorated the same way. But every now and again the wild side of me comes out and I will find something bold to wear.
As I mentioned, I rarely draw and paint anymore--in fact have not in years. My passion now is divining. I am using it to interact w/others and this is who I am. But, maybe I need another outlet too. I guess it is kind of sad to think that I only have this for a passion.
On the left side I see this green vine that is growing in a str8 line. I think logically you are trying to stick to the basics. Close to the earth. your thinking seems "safe"....your thinking is productive and focused on a progressive train. You have yet to blossom or have the breakthroughs that this thought process will bring, but you are closer. aslo you accept the thoughts of others or value the opinions (of those you trust and talk to) of others and have a need to be respected (your thoughts) by those close to you. But you try to stay to the "trusted" path, what works for you works for you and you stick with it.
yes, I am sticking to the basics now more so then ever before. I have not yet blossomed, I know this. but, I'm on my way to that and it will happen. I know it.
Spiritually:
I got this dark place I was standing on a concrete foundation of a broken down building. I got this sense of looking around for some thing... Then I saw you bend down and sweep away rubble with your hand to pick up this card that had a picture on it....you focused on this picture and it expanded to take up the whole scenery. The vision stopped in the expanding process.
I think spiritually you are also undergoing some development.
yes, most definitely so!
I don't know if you have found this card yet or if you are still looking. If you are looking, I would advise you to look in the rubble of your spiritual foundations. Look towards the core of this "Mess" upturn every stone to find this answer or guidance. You have found or are looking for a way out of this spiritual "Darkness" you feel like or felt like you were lost in this place of destruction. This feeling of being "alone" came over me while I watching you look around at what was destroyed or broken. This is a personal journey I see YOU finding the card/gateway not being shown or guided.
this is amazing to me again! how well you captured this. Yes, my life in a sense crumbled around me nearly a year ago, like a building that was bombed and I was left alone. It was heart breaking and difficult and tremendously sad. left me broken. But I survived and I am trying to pick up the pieces and carry on. I know 'the answer' is somehow in this mess as you mentioned. I have not yet found the answer and wasn't sure I ever would--but I will continue to search for it. I have to. I do feel very much alone where this is all concerned--so I know I won't be shown it or even guided by another. It is something I have to do on my own.
I am not saying that this was dramatically destructive but when I learn new things about what I believe my foundations have to reformat and I have to reevaluate how I feel about things before I have that inner core "Stability" again. This may be just one of those times for you too. .
That is what I got.
Well, I think you described it very accurately. I had an extremely terribly destructive event occur to me 11 mos. ago. It rocked me - like a terrible earthquake. It nearly brought me down completely, but I survived it and I'm still re-building myself so to speak. the way you described this through out the reading is very apt. It amazes me how well you could capture this.
While it nearly did cripple me - this experience last year, it also in a sense made me stronger and is helping me spiritually. I am beginning to find that spiritual path again and I know it will be well worth all this destruction when I do find that card. Thank you again, for this reading. As harsh as it all sounds, (and was), there is also a silver lining to it and I'm on my way to achieving that now, through the help of some wonderful and beautiful people who have appeared in my life. I will make it.
no worries on the wait--I fully understand and just grateful for your reading me. 