I am not lazy! (Queen of Pentacles)

[Thirteen]

The QP is comfortable with her surroundings. So as how he sees you, that all makes sense. Is his calling you lazy possibly a case of transference? You know, he's unhappy with his job and can't or won't make a move to change that fact, so he's taking out his frustration on you, who are happy and comfortable where you are....

I think Rodney's right. You should have asked how he sees HIMSELF, not you

But the Queen/Pents is not completely at odds with his accusation, per se. A Queen/Pents can be the an aristocratic sort of woman who wants everything done for her. And Queen/Pents is certainly the sort to use her money to have someone else do the cooking, cleaning and such for her, because she wants to be comfortable. The sort of woman who is always bossing around the servants.

I would say, however, that Queen/Pents implies, no matter what he said, that what he thinks of you goes deeper than Lazy. He sees you also as bossy, stubborn, imperious, and maybe too comfortable and in too good a position, which makes him envious. Maybe?

 

[Pao]

thank you everyone I AM definitely stubborn! I dont know if its jealousy I actually never thought of that. I guess it could be because he is so unhappy in his job and wants to leave. I am comfortable where I am so its fine to be the Queen of Pentacles, shes actually my favorite queen so I guess I should take it as a compliment maybe. I will say that sometimes I do lack ambition because i get TOO comfortable where I am at and so I tend to slump but he would not know that because thats how I tend to get sometimes here. and I do have many talents that I do tend to put in the back burner. The job I am at now is not the job I went to college for but an entirely different career that I learned as I went along. I was sad though because asking how he sees me and getting this queen.... I love this queen I thought it be a good queen to be but if he meant the reversal meaning than that definitely sucks. The reason I asked in the first place was because what SSN said is true, sometimes you SAY things to people but you actually see them differently than what you said to them so i wanted to get his true vision of me.

the clarifier that I pulled was the wheel so i guess he sees me as someone who is possibly lazy but who has the ability to turn things around if i wanted to which going by him I dont because I am lazy

and maybe i should read on his motivations for trying to upset me I mean the yelling came out of nowhere I was quite shocked

 

[Thirteen]

I was sad though because asking how he sees me and getting this queen.... I love this queen I thought it be a good queen to be

Well, every card can has it's positives and negatives you know that. So it can be an excellent Queen to be sometimes, and not at others. Circumstances matter as well.

But don't take it too much to heart. Once again, when he yelled at you for being lazy, he might not have been yelling at you at all. He might have meant himself and his inability to change his unhappy circumstances.

The Queen/Pents might well show you what he really thinks of you--not what he said he thought of you. And if so, then he may well think (really) that you're hard working, successful, know what you want and know how to manage what you have. As said, envy rather than truth might have been behind the accusation.

 

[Nevada]

You know what, Pao? He probably sees you both ways, and it probably depends a lot on his mood or frame of mind. That's how we all are. When I'm angry at someone I love I don't think about them the same way as when we're at peace or when I'm feeling very loving toward them. Each of us is a spectrum, too, so I'm sure there are times you aren't at your best, and times you are, and a whole range of states in between the extremes of the Queen of Pents.

The thing is, though, that how others see us isn't important in the long run. It's how we are and how we know ourselves to be that is, because that's what we have to work with on a day to day basis. Others are rarely clear about who we really are. I've been married 25-1/2 years, and we still surprise each other with the things we reveal about ourselves over time. Everyone is more complex than a statement such as "you're lazy" or "you're not using all your talents."

Then again, we ALL want to feel loved and cared for, so we place a lot of importance on what others that we care about have to say about us.

But -- and this is off-topic -- one of the wisest things I think I've ever heard is some advice I got in a class on dealing with difficult people in the workplace. That's that when someone confronts us with what feels insulting, a good thing to say silently to one's self regarding that person is:

"What you think about me is none of my business."

I think that's wise because we all have positive and negative thoughts about others that are private thoughts. Sometimes when we're upset they leak out, but what leaks out is never the whole complicated spectrum of what we think about that person. And we don't know everything about that person anyway. Those words are just what surfaced in that moment, and they're more about the person saying them than they are about the person they're said to.

I agree with others that what you really need is to ask another question. Rather than asking how he sees you, try a check-in with yourself as regards work, a "How am I doing in my work life?" reading. And if he's someone close enough, maybe you could also read about "What I need to know about how he's feeling about himself." If he really wants another job and has been looking and not finding, that in itself can be quite a self-esteem bruiser. With the world economy as it is, job markets are tight everywhere. It's not a good time for anyone to be looking for a job. So maybe he was just lashing out at someone he felt safe with -- you.

(ETA: Besides, so what if someone isn't using all their talents in their job? Who among us ever does? I have a relative who has a masters in French lit and works as a police sergeant. She loves her job, and she's helping people everyday. Many of my greatest talents weren't marketable at all when I was in the job market. So did I want to be a starving artist or someone making a good living doing something else and art as a serious hobby? Personally, I'd rather not starve.)

 

[WalesWoman]

Maybe this guy has a limited vocabulary and what he meant was you aren't motivated enough to live up to your full potential, letting opportunities slide by because it takes less effort to stay where you are than take a risk and venture into less comfortable, familiar surroundings and being a guy translated this into it's most simple form~ "You are Lazy"


And then can't understand what they said that was so wrong, when to them, you should have known this is what they really meant.

 

[Pao]

And then can't understand what they said that was so wrong, when to them, you should have known this is what they really meant.

yes this is what I thought too. I was actually standing there where my mouth open wondering where it all came from.

Thank you Nevada I like what you said it makes sense. When i get mad at my friends I say things I dont mean as well so I could be the positive and negative of this queen perhaps like Thirteen mentioned. Besides I am only human I cant be perfect always and I will never try to be. thats impossible for anyone. I guess the queen can be lazy if she doesnt use her full potential and he might've been wondering why I dont either forgetting that I am ok where I am right now...

 

[mysticmonkey]

But don't take it too much to heart. Once again, when he yelled at you for being lazy, he might not have been yelling at you at all. He might have meant himself and his inability to change his unhappy circumstances.

I think you've been given some good opinions on the card drawn but I just wanted to say that what Thirteen said is exactly what I was thinking. He might be projecting his situation onto you instead. I know I've done that to other people before before catching myself and toning it down a bit.

 

[Pao]

He might be projecting his situation onto you instead. I know I've done that to other people before before catching myself and toning it down a bit.

yea this is true, I am sure we all get caught up sometimes in our own problems

 

[feticeira]

I like what everyone has said in regards to his possibly projecting things onto you. I don´t think this is a case in which you can jump to the conclusion that if someone who´s upset calls you lazy, then they´re automatically a bad friend.

Since you mentioned he´s not happy himself, maybe he sees you as the sort of person whom he would gladly trade places with right now in order to pursue another goal.

Maybe he feels that you´re being lazy in the sense that if he were in your position, he would want to set certain things in motion that you aren´t interested or willing to do. Which seems like a pushy and unfair kind of attitude, but how far he crossed the line is for both of you to figure out and straighten out or not, since you were hurt by his comment.