BeccaBoo
Well that last statement certainly hit home! Where is the wizard of oz when you need him? Lol
Stalked by Strength
Well that last statement certainly hit home! Where is the wizard of oz when you need him? Lol
Pam O
So, on top of this whole story, YOU (and your mom) are the ones supporting this person?!?!! How about you step back and "see" this whole thing from someone else's eyes...
What advice would you give a complete stranger in your situation, a stranger looking for wisdom from Strength? Step back into a place of neutrality. You could even pretend you are listening with the ears of the lady with the lion. Do you see how stepping back softens all the emotions? Listen like Strength would listen, then let Strength help you with all this.
Yay, you do know. Now have the Strength to take action.he is gonna end up hurt. I feel awful. I do think you are right about my knowing I am not supposed to be with him.
OK, he is going to be hurt. You are already smothered with intense hurt. If you continue, it is only going to get worse. Can you imagine worse?? Let Strength guide you out of the bramble.
You are the one opening your eyes now, so congratulate yourself! Give yourself a break. Quit with the "good enuff syndrome". Just admire yourself for even posting here at AT. Strength helped you get this far. Let Strength take you the rest of the way.Though, I do not really think I am one to be proud of necessarily. If I were, I would not have wound up in my current predicament.
I feel like I have been trying to water the grass for a long time now, to no avail. Nothing has gotten greener.... he literally rolled his eyes at me. Usually I am the quiet sufferer who doesn't speak my mind because I dont like conflict. So when I get to a point where I say something and it just gets an eye roll response, I get affirmation that my opinions don't matter to him. I try to be happy about him and in my relationship but sometimes I just cry because of it. It just doesn't feel right to me anymore.
So you say he is not awful... Are you reading what you wrote?!??? Strength is here to help you. You do not deserve to marry this person. He is making you miserable! It is so obvious from here! I would never settle with marrying someone that was mediocre. Neither would my husband. Next year will be 30 years together. Within weeks of meeting him, I thought to myself, "I could see us getting married someday."
A mediocre marriage? Is that really what you want? No, you just don't want to hurt him.... So you put yourself thru hell?? Your opinions don't matter? An eye roll from him is all you get! Are you hearing this?
"Snap out of it", says Strength! We all deserve to be happy in life.
No, don't jump into assumptions silly. No, you don't have to do anything on the rebound, but there is no point in getting bound up in the 8 of swords because you are scared and burned out, right?!! (Note the 8, as in Strength!)Trust me though, after this whole ordeal I will be taking a lot of time off from men in general. Those spreads on the other guy were just meant to see if telling him would make me feel a little lighter inside, like I at least had had the opportunity to get stuff of my chest so I wasnt having to closely guard that secret anymore.
Did you read what you wrote about the guy you spent time with on your 2 week hiatus?
The other guy is a great friend I ...never got the chance to even tell him goodbye because we had to leave in such a hurry...I got a text message from him that said "you're leaving me
This guy sounds way more cool than the eye rolling dude who does not think your opinions matter and he "is a great friend". Heck, you said so yourself. You "miss him terribly"! Are you listening to your words? You did not get to "tell him goodbye"??! What is wrong with this picture??
A friend is a really strong option to get your feet back under you. Someone who REALLY cares... What a concept! This in itself is a huge deal where you are in life, yes???! Maybe that is what would be good to share with him. Simply, "You are in need of a friend..." It sure seems like he will understand in the whole scheme of things. Now get the Strength to pick up the phone and CALL. (No texting right now. Heck, you abandoned him by text!)
"I am afraid if I do this, however, he will stop wanting to even talk to me due to the awkward factor."
Let Strength give you the strength to do what you know you want, and to release your fear so you can follow through...
You say, "I am afraid..." Strength is here to help you. Are you beginning to feel Strength being there for you, lending an ear to talk things thru with!?!
Have you ever imagined entering a card? Why don't you try it with this infamous Strength card that has been haunting you more than any card ever has?! You might just like it!
I will almost bet, when you do enter, Strength says, "Take this action you are scared of!" What do you have to lose other than pride? I mean you texted him saying you had to move 1088 miles away immediately, right?! Do you know how to reduce numbers? 1+0+8+8=17 > 1+7= 8
8 as in Strength in the RWS deck ...
Do you see by you having the Strength to post, you can give yourself a gift of Strength and follow through.
You can change your life now...
PS Isn't AT awesome!?! You have received enormous amounts of support to help you get your head screwed on straight, and to help you get your feet under you, all because of Strength...
Wow, this is a looooooong post.
Power to you!
MandMaud
And a really good one.
You do know this, BeccaBoo...
Gave me an image of the lion having the thorn taken from his paw. Isn't that the picture on this card in some deck?
... D'oh. It was in this thread I learnt that! Etherealtarot said: the Steampunk. lol
I have things to do now, but I've had some practice at gritting my teeth and pulling the plaster off in one go, if you see what I mean, and I want to list things that I've found help me to find the courage.
It IS hard. I didn't mean the courage thing to "whip" you. I don't know which way you tick on this... one of my sons needs the shove out of the aeroplane, as it were (I do make sure he has a working parachute first! lol) whereas the other needs his hand holding. I'm more like the latter in this respect, each person has the right something that helps and the opposite can make a hard thing even harder. So when I get back with the things that help me, if they don't leave you feeling "Maybe I am strong enough to do this after all," considering the 180-degree opposite of each one.
Meanwhile, Happy Saturday.
BeccaBoo
Pam O: that was a really long post! But I enjoyed every minute of it. Only one part was slightly off (unless I misunderstood you instead of misspeaking myself). He lost his job in Ohio and I couldn't afford to keep us afloat so we moved to Florida to live with my mom. Now he has a job and I am the stay at home mom and homemaker. I look after our autistic daughter and keep the house tidy while him and my mom work.
I didnt get to say goodbye to my friend because I didn't tell him that I was leaving because I didn't think it would matter to him. He spent a lot of time hot and cold with me, and up to that point had been more cold than hot. I told his twin brother, who then relayed the message back to him and then I received the heartbreaking "you're leaving me?" text. Had I known my leaving would have hurt him I would have asked to meet for coffee, a drink, to just sit... Or something.
I didn't even think to break down the amount of miles I was moving away! That little factoid blew me away. O.O
And yes, AT is awesome. I am very happy to be a part of this community. I love this place. I am very blessed to have received the amount of support via this post. This is the first post I have ever put up where I have received this much feedback from. Though my post about struggling with the court cards amassed a decent amount of feedback, but that is straying from the topic of this thread and I should probably reign that in and circle back. Lol.
I still doubt anything will happen with the other guy due to, in large part, the distance thing but also because I think to him I am just a good friend. Which I am saddened by because, to be quite frank about it, you were right when you said he sounds like a pretty cool dude- he is. He will for sure make some woman very happy when he decides the time is right. Though. I must admit, I think things would have transpired a little differently of I didn't have my daughter, but I wouldn't give up my little darling for the world.
Tarotsuperschool- thank you for posting that link, it was definitely a great read! However, with everything going on, I don't think sticking it out is in anyone's best interest at this point. I am, in all reality (as this thread and feedback has opened my eyes to), a mere shell of my former self. I have given up a lot, certain friends included, because he required it, though he never really came out and asked. I did it to make things work with him due to the amount of time that we have spent together. That being said, I entered this relationship at the age of 19. At 22 I had my daughter with him. Now I am a mere month away from 26. I think I entered this relationship still very young and before I had had a lot of time to do some growing. I have since turned into the woman I am today, having grown a lot. He is still the same man from back then, having not changed much at all. He is 4.5 years my senior and since he was 23 when we started dating he had had more time to grow into an adult than I did. In August we will hit our 7 year mark. I have spent my whole adult life trying to make it work with this man. It gets harder and harder because he doesn't grow. Totally stagnant. We are growing apart because I am growing and he stays the same.
Mandmaud- I agree, the post was long but a very good one. and no worries about the courage thing "whipping" me. It was well worth it, well spoken, and true. I am kind of one of those people that needs a nudge but also needs to be told it will all be okay. I am kinda the in-between person. How that helps hear, I am unsure yet. Somehow though, I think that Strength and her lion are gonna help me figure it out! My mom and I have a lunch date followed by an afternoon at an art fair over in Cocoa Village. I am looking forward to it. So I think it will be a pretty good Saturday for me! hope your Saturday goes well as well!
Thanks again everyone! You have all helped me weigh my options and have been so caring and wonderful! Truly I am very blessed to have the help and support of people like all of you. I feel very lucky.
I didnt get to say goodbye to my friend because I didn't tell him that I was leaving because I didn't think it would matter to him. He spent a lot of time hot and cold with me, and up to that point had been more cold than hot. I told his twin brother, who then relayed the message back to him and then I received the heartbreaking "you're leaving me?" text.
Had I known my leaving would have hurt him I would have asked to meet for coffee, a drink, to just sit... Or something. I didn't even think to break down the amount of miles I was moving away! That little factoid blew me away. O.O
And yes, AT is awesome. I am very happy to be a part of this community. I love this place. I am very blessed to have received the amount of support via this post. This is the first post I have ever put up where I have received this much feedback from. Though my post about struggling with the court cards amassed a decent amount of feedback, but that is straying from the topic of this thread and I should probably reign that in and circle back. Lol.
I still doubt anything will happen with the other guy due to, in large part, the distance thing but also because I think to him I am just a good friend. Which I am saddened by because, to be quite frank about it, you were right when you said he sounds like a pretty cool dude- he is. He will for sure make some woman very happy when he decides the time is right. Though. I must admit, I think things would have transpired a little differently of I didn't have my daughter, but I wouldn't give up my little darling for the world.
Tarotsuperschool- thank you for posting that link, it was definitely a great read! However, with everything going on, I don't think sticking it out is in anyone's best interest at this point.
I am, in all reality (as this thread and feedback has opened my eyes to), a mere shell of my former self. I have given up a lot, certain friends included, because he required it, though he never really came out and asked. I did it to make things work with him due to the amount of time that we have spent together. That being said, I entered this relationship at the age of 19. At 22 I had my daughter with him. Now I am a mere month away from 26. I think I entered this relationship still very young and before I had had a lot of time to do some growing. I have since turned into the woman I am today, having grown a lot. He is still the same man from back then, having not changed much at all. He is 4.5 years my senior and since he was 23 when we started dating he had had more time to grow into an adult than I did. In August we will hit our 7 year mark. I have spent my whole adult life trying to make it work with this man. It gets harder and harder because he doesn't grow. Totally stagnant. We are growing apart because I am growing and he stays the same. Mandmaud- I agree, the post was long but a very good one.
and no worries about the courage thing "whipping" me. It was well worth it, well spoken, and true. I am kind of one of those people that needs a nudge but also needs to be told it will all be okay. I am kinda the in-between person. How that helps hear, I am unsure yet. Somehow though, I think that Strength and her lion are gonna help me figure it out! My mom and I have a lunch date followed by an afternoon at an art fair over in Cocoa Village. I am looking forward to it. So I think it will be a pretty good Saturday for me! hope your Saturday goes well as well! Thanks again everyone! You have all helped me weigh my options and have been so caring and wonderful! Truly I am very blessed to have the help and support of people like all of you. I feel very lucky.
MandMaud
You sound so relieved. That's great to see!
I did write a paragraph on things that help me take a step that's daunting me. I can't write it in a way that I'm happy with, happy that it says what I mean. I don't think it's worth putting here (unless someone asks in which case I'll shorten it!).
To someone else I would be reminding of the dangers of the 7-year itch... but personally I don't feel that's the thing here.
)
I think it's safe" now to "declare my hand" - we all form opinions on a question based on our separate life experiences (as well as our various temperaments and whatever else is inborn). In my case, it didn't just make me "a mere shell of my former self". It made me physically ill for the long term. Mind you that took a lot more than seven years! but I've learnt that the psyche and the soma (=physical) really, truly, aren't separate in the way they respond to stresses. Fit yourself into a mould that you don't fit into, continue using your Strength to control your real self, lop off limbs to stay in that non-BeccaBoo-shaped space, and you will shrivel. Situations don't stabilise, they either spiral up or they spiral down.
Personally I'd recommend not heading into any other relationship for a bit. But you began by saying you don't want to anyway so that's redundant advice! (My advice only ever asks to be heard, anyway, it never demands to be taken.)
If you remember, I'd love to see a single update post in this thread when it's all resolved... just because. Meanwhile all the best.
I did write a paragraph on things that help me take a step that's daunting me. I can't write it in a way that I'm happy with, happy that it says what I mean. I don't think it's worth putting here (unless someone asks in which case I'll shorten it!).
To someone else I would be reminding of the dangers of the 7-year itch... but personally I don't feel that's the thing here.
Been There Done That! (I bet it showed.
) I think it's safe" now to "declare my hand" - we all form opinions on a question based on our separate life experiences (as well as our various temperaments and whatever else is inborn). In my case, it didn't just make me "a mere shell of my former self". It made me physically ill for the long term. Mind you that took a lot more than seven years! but I've learnt that the psyche and the soma (=physical) really, truly, aren't separate in the way they respond to stresses. Fit yourself into a mould that you don't fit into, continue using your Strength to control your real self, lop off limbs to stay in that non-BeccaBoo-shaped space, and you will shrivel. Situations don't stabilise, they either spiral up or they spiral down.
Personally I'd recommend not heading into any other relationship for a bit. But you began by saying you don't want to anyway so that's redundant advice! (My advice only ever asks to be heard, anyway, it never demands to be taken.)
If you remember, I'd love to see a single update post in this thread when it's all resolved... just because.
Meanwhile all the best.BeccaBoo
Trust me, there will not be any rushing to any relationships for a while, regardless of who they are with. After 7 years I think I will need a couple to heal and learn and so on. Anyway- I will most definitely keep you posted as developements happen. Thanks again for the advice and listening ears!
Anyway- I will most definitely keep you posted as developements happen. Thanks again for the advice and listening ears! werewolfmoon
A repeating card is the deck trying to tell you something, in this case I'd say, 'be patient, be strong and wait,' before doing anything rash like 'fessing up to your fiancee that you have feelings for someone else, that to me, would be the end of the relationship.
Pam O
Note: BeccaBoo, There was a little misunderstanding, but it is all good in the long run. You get the overall info. I am so proud of you doing what you needed to do to take care of you and your autistic daughter!
Awe BeccaBoo, we are SO proud of you!!!
Freeing yourself from the emotionally suffocating patterns you allowed yourself to fall into can take tons of Strength. Simply seeing how you let yourself get into a rut that caused you so much heartbreak and unhappiness is BIG, and can also take a lot of Strength.
You are VERY WISE to not rush into any relationships right now. Avoiding any entanglement and mind games while you are focusing strength on these accomplishments is HUGE. The last thing you want to do is fall back into the pattern of sacrificing your own happiness. You have spent too much time not making waves, not rocking the boat, not doing this, not doing that... Right now, supporting friendships would be fine, but nothing where you could find yourself falling back into a tangled, heart wrenching, tear filled relationship.
You are finally finding the Strength to get your feet under you so you can walk in directions where you discover happiness. No way do you want to risk getting the "rug pulled from under you"! Now it is time to focus your strength on you being happy with your actions, YOU being happy with YOU!
CONGRATULTIONS to you for focusing your Strength to "heal and learn"!
We celebrate you finding your new path!
Hugs from those of us in your AT support team and fan club,
and.......
POWER to you!
I am so proud of you doing what you needed to do to take care of you and your autistic daughter!Trust me, there will not be any rushing to any relationships for a while, regardless of who they are with. After 7 years I think I will need a couple to heal and learn and so on.
Awe BeccaBoo, we are SO proud of you!!!
Freeing yourself from the emotionally suffocating patterns you allowed yourself to fall into can take tons of Strength. Simply seeing how you let yourself get into a rut that caused you so much heartbreak and unhappiness is BIG, and can also take a lot of Strength.
You are VERY WISE to not rush into any relationships right now. Avoiding any entanglement and mind games while you are focusing strength on these accomplishments is HUGE. The last thing you want to do is fall back into the pattern of sacrificing your own happiness. You have spent too much time not making waves, not rocking the boat, not doing this, not doing that... Right now, supporting friendships would be fine, but nothing where you could find yourself falling back into a tangled, heart wrenching, tear filled relationship.
You are finally finding the Strength to get your feet under you so you can walk in directions where you discover happiness. No way do you want to risk getting the "rug pulled from under you"! Now it is time to focus your strength on you being happy with your actions, YOU being happy with YOU!
CONGRATULTIONS to you for focusing your Strength to "heal and learn"!
We celebrate you finding your new path!Hugs from those of us in your AT support team and fan club,
and.......
POWER to you!
Pam O
As soon as I saw you wrote the exact # of miles, I "knew" it was important to reduce down the 1088. And when I did the figuring, and saw it reduced to 8, it was mind-blowing.
I too am SO glad to have discovered AT.And yes, AT is awesome. I am very happy to be a part of this community. I love this place. I am very blessed to have received the amount of support via this post. This is the first post I have ever put up where I have received this much feedback from. ....
.... I think that Strength and her lion are gonna help me figure it out!
Thanks again everyone! You have all helped me weigh my options and have been so caring and wonderful! Truly I am very blessed to have the help and support of people like all of you. I feel very lucky.
It is an amazing forum that Solandia put together, and it is made even more incredible with all these amazing members who come together here!
BeccaBoo
Werewolfmoon- I think you misunderstood the recipients of different messages. I was unhappy in my relationship for a while-like a couple years. I felt trapped and unable to express myself. I also feel like I am growing and he is not. He has stayed the same person for 7 years. Though I do like someone else, that is true, I would not be telling my fiancé about that. I do have a heart. it is the end of the relationship whether or not he knows about my feelings for someone else.
Pam O- You are a rockstar! You guys have been invaluable and so helpful. Truly above and beyond any responses I thought I might get. You all have been so much more than helpful and supportive. I am, at present, waiting for a good moment to sit down and have the chat with him. He and I need to find time away from Jenna and my mother where we can sit down and have our chat. However that is a feat in and of itself. O.O lol
it is the end of the relationship whether or not he knows about my feelings for someone else. Pam O- You are a rockstar! You guys have been invaluable and so helpful. Truly above and beyond any responses I thought I might get. You all have been so much more than helpful and supportive. I am, at present, waiting for a good moment to sit down and have the chat with him. He and I need to find time away from Jenna and my mother where we can sit down and have our chat. However that is a feat in and of itself. O.O lol
