When loved ones disapprove of Tarot

[Caedryn]

Has your possession (pun intended) of the cards or reading them affected your relationship in anyway until he found out (jezz that makes you sound like a criminal or something lol). I suspect not, you could point that out to him. Has he had a bad experience with a past partner who did tarot?

Sounds like fear on his part...for you and him, but it is not fair to you for him to make that sort of ultimatum...and really, it is not fair to him either because having those type of fears is preventing him from having a great relationship with you. Does he carry any good luck charms...point out that that sort of thing is in the same ball park as tarot in some respects...does he fear those charms?

~ C

 

[Laura Borealis]

Has it ever been "your loved one or the cards"?? Which one did you choose?

Unfortunately yes, not a SO but my mother. A friend gave me a deck when I was still living at home. Innocent me, I never thought there was any harm in them, and was shocked to find out my mother thinks Tarot is Satanic. She made me give them back. I could have hid them and lied, but I was living under her roof and respected her rules for the most part. I gave the cards back.

I would NOT do this for a SO though. Fortunately it hasn't come up.

How do I explain the cards to someone that fears them?

All I can think is try to educate him. Think of where he is coming from with this. For me, I would talk about their history, their roots in Christian symbolism, how they were used for card games long before they were turned to divination. I would say that I don't believe that dark energies, or any kind of supernatural force, is supplying the answers in the cards. I would say I think they are a symbolic system that may let our minds tap into the collective unconscious, and that we're the ones who make the connections and come up with the answers. But that's me -- your beliefs are probably different. Still, educating him *if possible* seems like the best way to keep both him and have your Tarot too...

I think the potential for there to be mental health problems is when one starts to rely so heavily on the cards to control one's destiny as opposed to real action.

I agree completely, and it sounds like your mental health is just fine in terms of this.

 

[yirabeth]

It's not about the cards...it's about him letting you be who you are...maybe that's not acceptable to him, it could happen! But in that case it's time to move on, not try to mold someone into your version of a living breathing puppet...

So far as having 'given your word' I would consider thinking through a conversation in which you tell him although I said x, it really bothers me and I can't live with it, can we discuss this, because tarot is important to me...Then conduct that conversation. Because being true to him shouldn't mean being untrue to yourself.

It's different than a friend who doesn't want you to bring them into their house. That's their house, their business. It's about like a smoker respecting a nonsmoker's right to say, not in my house. But, if that boyfriend should succeed in molding you into his perfect partner, it'll be YOUR house too... Do you really want to spend the rest of your life lying to someone you're supposed to be honest and upright with, and hold above everyone else? And, if you don't plan on ever letting the relationship go that far, maybe it's time to cut your losses, now that it's apparent? Less painful in the long run...

Still, I note you mention the next boyfriend *grin* So maybe this post is more for someone reading along, who may be is saying to themselves, secretly, gee my boyfriend/girlfriend did that too...I guess it's not so unusual.... Unfortunately they may be right, it's not unusual! But, that doesn't make it RIGHT.

~Yira

 

[DownwardSpiral]

So many things come to mind.......the biggest one being boyfriends come and boyfriends go!!!

The fact that you've posted this question says you're not ok with this. Maybe a heart to heart talk with your b/f and he can either accept that this is part of who you are or he can walk. Let it be his choice.....not yours!

 

[Chiska]

My husband was unsure of the cards at first. He was really nervous about them. BUT (and this is a HUGE one...) he trusts my judgement. He loves me and all that is me. He knows me and he knows that I am not going to do anything that would hurt him or cause general harm/mayhem/whatever. So, I happily amass tarot cards, do readings, and he accepts it as part of who I am. Just how I accept that he is not truly happy without a boat and a fishing pole.

Speaking from personal experience, I had a boyfriend many years ago who didn't approve of the cards. He violently disapproved. It wasn't like that at first, but by the end of 6 years, I knew how much he could disapprove of something and how he would show that disapproval.

Think very carefully on people who offer selfish ultimatums.

 

[MrAndrewJ]

It's not about the cards...it's about him letting you be who you are...

Exactly this.

People should give and receive love for who they honestly are.

 

[kfk]

If he's important to you clear the air by confessing.Let him know you want an open and honest relationship.And if he can't live with that I'd dump him.As as has been said, is he worth a really nice deck?

 

[kfk]

oops sorry.Ther is obviously some good advice give before. that will teach me not to have knee jerk reactions and skip to the end to post.

 

[Amanda]

There were a few times I thought I was going nuts. But really, it was just certain sitters that were in such denial, they'd rather risk my mental health to keep running from their own truths. That's when you know you're too emotionally invested. So, I backed off and convinced myself to care a little less and give the "this is what I get, take it or leave it" attitude. But, I've never really had to hide what I do from anyone. So, I guess the only advice I have for you is, if you start to wonder if you're nuts then back off for a little while because you're becoming too emotionally invested... and don't give up what you love for anyone, because anyone that loves you shouldn't ask you to... and if they do... well, I'm of the mind that I would respond with, "Don't let the door hit you in the ass..."

 

[GryffinSong]

...I've gotten into "trouble" several times with my boyfriend over my tarot activities. Last time he found a deck in my bag (not that he was going through my stuff, just helping me put something away), he basically said it was him or the cards. A few days later he asked me to throw them away in the trash, and then asked me again to make sure I'd done it. Yes he can be very patronizing. Of course, I didn't throw my beautiful and many decks in the trash! I would never do that. I had to tell a white lie. But I know at some point it might really become him or the cards....

I keep coming back to some things you've said here. The most bothersome ones, to me, are the following ...

"I had to tell a white lie..." No. If you two had an open, strong relationship, you would not have felt the need to do any such thing. With all due respect, a relationship that relies on lies to survive is not a good one.

"...asked me again to make sure I'd done it...." His distrust is worrisome.

"...Yes he can be very patronizing..." You deserve better.

He doesn't deserve you.

Sorry if I'm too blunt this evening.