Has tarot replaced communication...

[Nytebugg]

I don't let the cards dictate my life. I may ask those question how will a date go or how will this or that meeting go. if it seems bad i will still go because I believe a reading can be changed. My reasoning is that tarot is taking a snapshot of a moment but those moments change and are in flux. Particularly future moments.
I do ask how does so-and-so feel about me. sometimes like others have said you cannot ask the person or that person may be unresponsive of their feelings. I have a friend who does not verbalize his feelings because of past hurts and issues. He shows his affection in other ways. It tends to confuse me, particularly at first, because I couldn't tell if he was just being friendly or if he really liked me as more than a friend. If I asked, which I did, this wall would come up so I learned not to ask him. Then I didn't trust my intuition because what if it was just wishful thinking on my part. I'd have other people here read on it because they aren't invested in the answer. now I never ran out and used that info. I'm getting better at trusting my intuition when it comes to this and no longer feel like I am going crazy. I am also doing my best not to ask that question as much anymore because I know I should trust what I feel more. I will answer if for other people though. My reasoning for answering it is that there probably are signs there about how that persons feels about the sitter but the sitter just isn't trusting their own intuition about it.

 

[MareSaturni]

I do ask how does so-and-so feel about me. sometimes like others have said you cannot ask the person or that person may be unresponsive of their feelings. I have a friend who does not verbalize his feelings because of past hurts and issues. He shows his affection in other ways. It tends to confuse me, particularly at first, because I couldn't tell if he was just being friendly or if he really liked me as more than a friend. If I asked, which I did, this wall would come up so I learned not to ask him. Then I didn't trust my intuition because what if it was just wishful thinking on my part. I'd have other people here read on it because they aren't invested in the answer. now I never ran out and used that info.

My boyfriend is a person that grew up in a family in which "boys don't feel" is a rule, so he never reveals his feelings. My mother says he's like a sphinx, lol. I usually have to talk for hours with him before he says anything - if he says anything at all. And we've been together for almost three years.

Did i ever read the cards to know what is he feeling, or to see the reason why he hides everything? Never. All readings i did for him were with him in the same room, and with his permission. And sometimes i barely got a feedback except "you are right i guess".

The fact that we don't understand why someone behaves this way, or don't reveal their feelings and thoughts shouldn't be an excuse for us to use tarot to learn this. They don't disclose their inner world - it's their goddamn prerogative! What we should ask the tarot is how we can help this person, how can we approach them, how should we act when faced with their inner wounds... and be there. The fact that i am here for him when he needs me helps him much more than whether i know his inner problems in detail or not.

I know that people usually have good intentions - they want to know how to better help the other. But using tarot to probe doesn't help the other - it only helps you to make assumptions. In my opinion, unless the owner of the thoughts and feeling come to you and ask "i want a reading to better understand my feelings" or "i want a reading to deal with this or that problem", then you are still invading.

My reasoning for answering it is that there probably are signs there about how that persons feels about the sitter but the sitter just isn't trusting their own intuition about it.

Sometimes our intuition is all we got when dealing with some people. Unfortunately, that's the way it is... not everyone is open about what they feel, it doesn't give us the right to use tarot to get this kind of information. We are not police, and they are not criminals. Besides, i believe that we learn more about people from living with them and from reading about them.

Well - now I know.

But what do I know ?

Sun is in Scorpio.
Moon is in Aquarius.
Mercury is in Scorpio.
Venus is in Sagittarius.
Mars is in Scorpio.
Jupiter is in Virgo.
Saturn is in Cancer.
Uranus is in Gemini.
Neptune is in Libra.
Pluto is in Leo.

I knew astrology wasn't for me.....

Muah, since you mention it, here's mine:

Sun in Sagittarius
Moon in Aries
Mercury in Scorpio
Venus in Capricorn
Mars in Scorpio
Jupiter in Aries
Saturn in Sagittarius
Uranus in Sagittarius
Neptune in Capricorn
Pluto in Scorpio

And no, i have no idea what all this means exactly. But i can say i'm quite a fiery person, lol! I'm a lame astrology student

 

[Nytebugg]

so for those that don't do 3rd party readings; how do you deal with the fact that say in the relationship question other people's cards show up? or do you not think they do?
example John Smith asks for advice on his relationship. You get cards that give advice, one card that is clearly him and you get a reversed queen and a few cards the surround which is the gf and her feelings on the matter. Do you not discuss the gf then? she isn't there to give you permission to read on her.

 

[moderndayruth]

so for those that don't do 3rd party readings; how do you deal with the fact that say in the relationship question other people's cards show up?

Good question. To me, sitter's relationship *is* his thing - in my believe the sitter and her/his partner make a third entity, which is their relationship. (See Umbrae's relationship spread - my favorite ever.) What i believe to be unethical would be a reading on (for example) sitter's ex and their current partner, see what i mean? It might seem to be a tiny line for some, but i don't think it is - life is about tiny lines... Metaphorically speaking, its like driving a car - only ten miles above the speed limit results in breaking the law and getting a ticket.

 

[MareSaturni]

example John Smith asks for advice on his relationship. You get cards that give advice, one card that is clearly him and you get a reversed queen and a few cards the surround which is the gf and her feelings on the matter. Do you not discuss the gf then? she isn't there to give you permission to read on her.

Of course you don't ignore the card - but there's a difference between a card showing up and you purposely asking about his significant other's feelings.

First of all - why is a reversed queen necessarily his significant other? Why can't it be the mom, who doesn't like the woman he chose? Maybe the cards are telling him that he should involve his family in the matter, and try to solve the problem directly with his significant other.

And if the context of the reading says that is might be indeed his wife or girlfriend, then you can tell him that she might be upset (or whatever the cards tell about her), and then advice John Smith on how to solve the conflict that is happening between them. You gave them information without meddling unnecessarily in another's business.

Then again, i don't use those relationship spreads that mention "what you feel" and "what she/he feels", because that's third-party reading. And we go back to 214red's original thread - why people don't communicate. Is it wrong to ask your significant other if she is all right? If she is upset at you? If you could talk about what's bothering her?

And if she doesn't answer at first, is it too much to give the other time to decide whether they want to share it or not? Do we have to hurry towards the nearest tarot reader to get an answer at all costs?

As a tarot reader, I feel that I need to inspire my querent to do, whatever is that he can, even if it means just waiting. Of course other people show in a reading, but there's a difference between them showing and you asking about them. Usually when they appear in the reading, it's just to let you know that they are important in that question - and what is their importance. But unless you use one of those spreads designed for meddling, you won't go much further than that. Besides, the person usually appears in the spread as the sitter perceives her - it may not even be the person as really she is at all.

 

[Nytebugg]

It was an example and nothing more. I wanted to know where you drew the line in the sand. In other words when did it become third party for you.

 

[gregory]

Does it perhaps become third party when the sitter says "I want to know about HIM" rather than "what can you tell me about ME" - where the I word is spectacularly missing ?? When the main focus of the reading is on someone other than the sitter ?

 

[irisa]

It was an example and nothing more. I wanted to know where you drew the line in the sand. In other words when did it become third party for you.

I draw a line in the sand when the question doesn't contain an I or me the minute the focus of the question becomes he/she/they. Once the focus of the reading turns away from the sitter onto someone else not present and therefore not consenting for me it's something I won't do.


irisa

 

[Nytebugg]

I draw a line in the sand when the question doesn't contain an I or me the minute the focus of the question becomes he/she/they. Once the focus of the reading turns away from the sitter onto someone else not present and therefore not consenting for me it's something I won't do.


irisa

okay so "What should I know about so-and-so's intentions concerning me" is allowable? How is that different from what are so-and-so feelings for me? or is it not different?

 

[gregory]

I wouldn't go for that one. So-and-So's intentions are so-and-so's business (however much they may impact on you in the end) and if you want to know, you can ask.

How will my relationship with so-and-so develop ? would be OK.